I just discovered that my 13y/o daughter has been having sex. His parents dont know yet. I told them if he?

Question

I told them that if he doesnt tell them I will. This isn't something I ever expected from her. I really just need some advice on how to handle this situation. She was honest with me about it and while I can appreciate her honesty I can't allow this to continue.

She's on birth control for irregular periods. I wonder if this is what helped her make this stupid choice in the first place

Answer 1

Tell them yourself. Don't trust the boy to do it.

Answer 2

You tell his parents, you and them need to figure out a way to keep this from happening continually without pushing them even closer, if you forbid them from each other that is what may happen.
I too think that maybe the birth control helped make up her mind, My friends daughter was put on it for the same reason and soon after starting having sex, she told her boyfriend she was on the pill so they didn't use any other protection, before long she was pregnant. Girls at that age forget to take it sometimes, missing two or three days at a time and its not going to work like that. Try to nip this in the bud before that happens. Good luck.

Answer 3

Well, I'd say you need to talk to your daughter about the dangers of having sex, especially at such a young age, but the time has obviously passed to have that conversation. And you should DEFINITELY tell the boys parents, because I seriously doubt he will. You do need to have an honest talk with your daughter about the risks she's taking with her health and her life. Explain to her what an unwanted pregnancy would do to her life. Scare the crap out of her. Talk to her about STD's, about AIDS, and remind her that condoms fail in pregnancy prevention anywhere from 15-20% of the time, and that the viruses that cause STD's are smaller than a sperm cell, so one can probably safely assume that condoms alone aren't all that effective against preventing STD's. If you have any moral reasons for your 13 year old to not be sexually active, then you need to share those with her as well. And, while I'm going to get flamed for this one, don't let her be alone with the boy. If they go to movies, a parent has to take them (this is why his parents need to know) and stay with them. They are not allowed over at each other's homes unless parents are home, and I certainly wouldn't take their word for it, I would pick up my phone and call over there, and confirm that an adult you trust (who shares your values) will be there to chaperone. They were able to have sex because they were left alone, it's really that simple, and for two 13 year olds to be left alone is just asking for trouble. Find out when they did it, and don't let them get in that situation again. Good luck!

p.s. And I don't know why a 13 year old is on birth control for irregular menstrual cycles, she's so young that they haven't even had a chance to regulate. I'm not critisizing your parenting and health care choices your making for your kids, but I think you need to do some more homework on this one. The thought of a 13 year old girl being on hormones is just totally scary to me. She's too young.

Answer 4

Hey! Be an understanding parent about the situation. Children are alot more influenced by stuff now a days then way back when. I think that you should tell the guy's parents because 13 years old is way to young to be having sex. But maybe they were influenced. Pre-teens is when everything starts developing and your bodies change alot. So just try and understand and talk to your child about what the out come could be.

Answer 5

I'm sorry to hear about your daughter. First there is a lot of peer pressure to have sex at younger ages. I have a 13 1/2 year old son and 11 almost 12 year old daughter and I have talked to them about sex since they discovered what it is from friends. I have shown them pictures of STD's and educated them on birth control. Unfortunately you can't stop it from happening. But, you can educate her on safety. You can't blame yourself because of the birth control that might be what is saving her from pregnancy. Most teenage girls don't go to their parents and that is how they end up pregnant at young ages. Like I was. I had two kids before I was 20. Be proud of her for talking to you about it. As for her boyfriend depending on his relationship with his parents it may not be a good idea to tell them. If you can have an older brother or family member educate him on the best precautions to protect themselves. Like it or not kids are having sex at much younger ages these days. They are growing up faster. Just be there for her to give her proper information that will save her from unwanted pregnancy and maybe her life.

Answer 6

Be glad your daughter was honest with you, and feel proud that you have a 13 year old that will communicate with you honestly - that in itself is quite a feat!

I wouldn't worry about the boy and whether he tells his parent or not, but, if you need to, sit down with the both of them and go through all the details of why they should stop, including the fact that BC doesn't stop pregnancy 100% of the time, and show them what taking care of a child would mean to their young lives.

I would try to avoid banning him from her life - she will just start sneaking around and that will get you nowhere - but maybe just allowing her less alone time with the boy and having more supervised time - either yourself or a sibling on dates - movies and pizza are about all 13 year olds should be doing for dates anyway!

Good Luck to you!

Answer 7

Offer her birth control. I know that sounds like you are promoting it. I speak at high schools about teen pregnancy and teen parenting. I hear more 13-16 year old girls tell me that if their mothers offered them birth control that they would feel more open to speak with her about personal questions like sex, pregnancy, std's and many other topics that a lot of girls don't tell their parents. You can tell her to stop having sex all you want but it does not MAKE her stop. She is going to do what she wants to do. Birth control will prevent a child. Do you think she is old enough to have a child? She still is a child. Also, TALK TALK TALK TALK. Tell her how you feel about her having sex. Teach her about std's and children and love. Hug her and don't stop until she does.
I got pregnant when I was barely 17. I wish my mom would have done any of these things with me. When I was 14, I got raped and I was too afraid to tell my mom because I thought she would be mad that I had sex even though I didn't want to. The best thing you can do is talk to her.

Answer 8

I agree with the previous poster about getting her on birth control (I think you already know that you telling her NO isn't necessarily going to stop her - even if the pill is just as a precaution)...and then take her to planned parenthood so that they can scare her with all the STDs and teen pregnancy statistics. She's still a little girl for goodness sakes!

Answer 9

Coming from me a 15 year olds point of view...I would let the parents know. I just lost my virginity this summer, I was stressed the fact that I was too young but it didnt help. While we thought we were being responsible about it somehow I am now going to the Dr. because I could be pregnant. My boyfriends parents knew and I wish that when we told them they would have told my parents. I am in a hole stuck and cant confide in my 'rents. I just told them I need to go to the Dr.. If your daughters *boyfriend?* does tell his parents it would be surprising. If I was in the 2 kids shoes I would be praying to God that you would just tell them. Knowing how foolish I was.

Answer 10

You should tell his parents. Go take your daughter to a clinic and show her what all could happen from having sex, such as pregnancy and std's. But dont harsh with her, it will only push her away, dont say that she cant see her bf anymore, that will def. push her away. Believe me, I was 17 when i first started having sex and my mom told his parents and then wouldnt let us see each other forever, and we never had a good relationship since then. She treated me as if I killed someone. Just remember, there's a lot of pressure out there, be understanding with your daughter.

Answer 11

I would be phoning the parents anyways...they need to be aware of what they're son is up to...birth control at 13 is a little early...irregualr periods or not...she need to understand that even though she is on the pill she needs to use a condom. I'd be making sure that she doesn't do it again