My boyfriend admits he has a problem with alcohol and it is hurting our relationship, however he doesnt want to go to counseling or AA because he is not the type of person to talk about his problems, he is a very big "tough guy"? Any suggestions on how I can help? I think he is also bipolar but has not been diagnosed. Serious answers only please, this is a serious question!
2006-08-28 13:54:30 · 7 answers · asked by wendyb204 2 in Family & Relationships ➔ Singles & Dating
I know I can't "fix" him, I just want to know of any way I can help him. Leaving him is not an option.
2006-08-28 13:59:28 · update #1
Here's some practical tips on cutting back or quitting:
http://www2.potsdam.edu/hansondj/DrinkTooMuch.html
Here's a list of methods in order of effectiveness:
http://www.behaviortherapy.com/whatworks.htm
(note: AA is low on the list)
I've been to AA; it did not help at all and prevented me from getting the help I needed for 20 years.:
http://www.orange-papers.org/orange-effectiveness.html
I got counseling for the depression that kept me returning to drinking and took responsibility for my actions (no disease, powerlessness, or waiting for God to fix me). That was over 5 years ago, haven't had a drink since.
2006-08-28 17:11:30 · answer #1 · answered by raysny 7 · 1⤊ 0⤋
The first step is admitting there is a problem. I go to AA and there are some really tough guys in there and your boyfriend has to hit his rock bottom before he will get help. You might need to just let him go. He will bring you down with him and many of the people who goes to those meetings has lost everything and that is when they got serious about getting help. It is not easy for him or you I understand that but you can not make him stop. He will not stop to save your relationship. it will get worse You have to look out for you. No matter how much you love him or what promises he makes just remember they are with good intentions but they are all empty. I do not know him but i do know about being an alcoholic and iam a recovering addict. I also know alot about being bipolar. He has to fall and hit rock bottom before he will humble his self and get help. So really you can not help him. I know this is not what you wanted to hear but iam will not lie to you and say oh it will be OK because it wont. You can cry beg and plead and it will not help. He will say what ever you want to hear just to get you to leave him alone. Sweetie good luck and feel free to email me when ever you need to. aenease5974@yahoo.com
2006-08-28 14:09:30 · answer #2 · answered by aenease5974 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
At least he admits he has a problem. Alcoholism is a very difficult problem to deal with, because ultimately the alcoholic is really the only person who can help themselves, and that is tricky.
I know AA has helped a lot of people, but at the same time it can be detrimental because hanging out with other people who are also having problems isn't always good.
Are there things you can do for him to reward him when he doesn't drink?
2006-08-28 14:03:14 · answer #3 · answered by professional student 4 · 0⤊ 1⤋
One of the biggest hurdles he just cleared was admitting he has a problem but it won't fix itself.If he is serious about cleaning up his act he will need professional help and as much support from you and his family as possible.Its not going to be easy, there will be some ups and downs but the end result is all that matters.Best of luck
2006-08-28 14:15:20 · answer #4 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
I agree with the guy above...try everything else before going to AA.
2006-08-29 16:17:17 · answer #5 · answered by rkalch 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
honestly, if he won't talk you can't help him. he's got to admit that he has a problem and therefore have the urge to change himself.
tell him if he doesn't care enough for you and this relationship than you'll have to leave him. it's not you being selfish, its whether he cares enough
2006-08-28 13:59:42 · answer #6 · answered by yzstrider 2 · 0⤊ 1⤋
You don't, he has to help himself. Only he has to decide to change. Good Luck.
2006-08-28 13:59:58 · answer #7 · answered by winona e 5 · 0⤊ 1⤋