Please help,What is wrong with my father?

Question

My dad left us for another woman who was after him since he was married and during the first months of the divorce this woman got pregnant and had a baby boy .From the day he left he forgot about us and today we found out by our cousin on his side of the family that all this time his been telling every member of his family not to look for us or call us or care about us .I will have to add that we are a good people ,my mom loved my dad very much and we had a beautiful family until this woman infected our lives.He even has gone to the point of trying to stop paying child support which did not work cause he was taken to court.He hide having another kid (the baby)for a whole 11/2 years .Never call us for nothing.I dont think that after doing so much he can be happy with this woman we often wonder if he has a concience or ever feel any remorse for what he has done to us.this is so painfull .

Answer 1

Sadly s;ome people in the world are just selfish and clearly he doesn't care who he hurts, just as long as he has a hapy life.
Sorry

Do you wanna talk?

Answer 2

Sigh... I'm really sorry to hear all of that.

I don't know what to say except that sometimes things are not always what they seem. I don't know how things really were between your mom and dad and the truth of the matter is that the only two people who really know that are your mom and your dad.
Regardless of what happened between them, it is unfortunate that he has taken a low road and tried to turn family against you as well as remove responsibility from himself for taking care of you guys.
My guess would be that his new wife/girlfriend may be influencing him to some degree and that is something that unfortunately you have no control over.

I wish I had a better answer for you. Maybe you should write a letter to him expressing your hurt and angry feelings about the situation and ask him the questions that you're asking here. Whether or not you actually send it is up to you.
Sometimes people are selfish and they get so wrapped up in themselves that they forget the consequences and effects their actions can have on people who care about them.

Just remember no matter what happens that it's not your fault and try to hang in there.

Answer 3

Wow, I am so sorry. That must be very hurtful for you and your family. It sounds as though the new woman grabbed a hold of your dad and does not let go, possibly so controlling and he is going along with it. Some people thrive on being controlled. I feel sorry for him too. I'm sure he has a conscience about it but does not know what to do.
Good luck to you all. If it continues, the best thing to do is not look back and move on. Good thoughts for your mother.

Answer 4

well my parents went through a similar situation . . I say similar because there were no other children involved . . but no one knows what's going on inside of your dad's head, but him . . and even if your mom loved your dad with all she had, it might not have been what he needed . . . I'm not saying that what he did wasn't wrong, because it was . . but at the same time, there might be some other issues between them that you aren't aware of . . .

as to why he's neglecting you . . I can't really answer that . . but I would suggest that if you can, get it contact with him (by phone call, go see him, or write him a letter) and let him know how you feel . . it may help, it may not . . but at least you can say that you did your part to try to make things better . . .

I know that nothing anyone says will make you feel better . . but what happened was something that is out of your control . . . you can't make him do something that he doesn't want to do . . and unfortunately, that's something that, although painful, you will have to learn to live with . . .

Answer 5

some fathers are like that depends on what type of person this guy is it not your fault you will be ok as time goes by he might do this for a long time but sooner or later he might come around again if that ever happens it will be your decision weather or not you would like to talk with him my step sister tina her father is never in her life and she's in her 20;s now she realizes it's not her fault and to except the fact that he's gone and what type of person he is he recently tried calling her to talk to her after all these years and she hung up on him told him he was'nt her father anymore to leave her alone he has'nt called her back since.... it will be painfull but you will get threw this as your life goes on there's a lot of people that things like this happen too so be strong in this situation i hope i've helped you a little in some way....

Answer 6

oh babe i feel for you my mum left my dad for another man and acted pretty much the same. all that i can say is that your father is much is as much to blame as the other woman if not more.

you must know that you and mom are good people and that you are not to blame for your dads actions its his loss. and it will be him that will suffer in the long run he will have to live the rest of his life knowing that he hurt those close to him

all you can do is be there for your mom and accept that your dad has this other life that he wants to lead. you can either forgive him and try to build a relationship with him or you can ignore him.
however life is too short and you only have one dad try to at least talk to him and ask him why

Good luck

Answer 7

I want to say I understand you completely but that wouldnt be true because I am not you or have I been in your shoes. But I will say this, I am one of those family members who was told not to speak to my aunt.

My uncle left my aunt and told us not speak to her again that she wasnt family anymore. The thing is they had been married for like 20 years and three adult children latter. Well 24, 22, and 18 years old. He has siad so many hurtful things about his eldest daughter and my aunt his exwife that have really damaged lives, hearts, and mindframes. He is now with a women who is pregnant with his 4th child, who is his eldest daughters age, who now he just married. She has been in and out of jail has 2 kids form two different men. Its crazy because we were not raised in that kid of lifestyle.

However we are going through all of this to this day. The extended family had to make desicions for themselves. i chose to keep in contact with the family because 20 years is a long time and my aunt is the mother of my 3 cousins who I love.

As far as how to get through all this. . .

Pray ask God for strength and understanding
Realize and believe that what happened IS NOT YOUR FAULT!
Seek Godly counsel
Vent to a person who loves you cares about you and who can inercede for you in pray and in encouragment.
You will need to cry, yell, scream, blame, but get it out dont hold it all in.

Your father is being selfish, could be going through mid life crisis, has mental issues/problems. . . the list can go on and on. Dont try to understand a man who is irrational, and not living his life right.

I hope this helps, I didnt think I would ever meet a person who went through the same thing my cousins are going through. Good luck and God bless.

Answer 8

this has nothing to do with you or who you are or what sprt of people you are... it sounds like he isnt a very good person or has been influenced by someone else...
dont even think there is anything wrong with you for what he has done... become the best person you can be...
you cant make anyone do somethng they just dont want to do

like i said make something of yourself... make your family the best!

one day he will see what he has missed out on... he will have to live with that the rest of is life...

i know it is sad but sometimes people just make bad choices... get some counceling on how to move on with your life...

be prepared becasue one day whether it be soon or later heWILL want your forgiveness

Answer 9

Your dad is just a big stupid kid. He is a loser and a fag. Him, trying not to pay child support is evil, I mean why sohould you go without and his other doesnt have to...or his new wifey.
He probably does feel bad...but men have shittty memories and do forget after a while.
He cant abandon his new kid either though. Your mom is better off without him, and so are you.

Answer 10

You know what? Fu'ck him. You don't need people like that in your life, family members or otherwise. You and your mum sounds like you're good people, and good people are always rewarded in life (in theory, anyways). Forget that "father" of yours and move on with your life. Sounds weird, but most people here can't even understand what you're going through, but we're wishing you the best of luck.