My parents are in the middle of an ugly separation. I have a 2bd/2ba condo I own and live in alone. Its only a moatter of time before my dad asks to stay with me. I love my dad and want to help him out, however, I would like to avoid having him move in with me. I just kicked out my roommate so I can live alone and enjoy the bachelor life!!! How can I proceed without having my dad move in, and not look like a bad son?
2006-08-28 11:29:37 · 23 answers · asked by mojo2112x 1 in Family & Relationships ➔ Family
Follow your heart. I took care of my Dad until his death. I have no regrets. I also took care of my Mother until her death. She died in my arms. I have no regret. But - we are all different. What's good for me isn't necessarily good for anyone else.
My parents had been there for me thru a really bad divorce. Never asking anything in return. When they got sick, I gave up some social life. Big deal! At your Dad's age, how much time can he have.
Do not listen to me or anyone else! Follow your heart. You will not go wrong. But do set guide lines. He and your Mother have to realize that you are not taking sides if you decide to help him. And if you do help him, they have to realize - no fighting on your turf!
Good Luck.
2006-08-28 12:08:34 · answer #1 · answered by Blond Logic 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Can you find an apartment appropriate for your father? Is he financially able to have his own place? More importantly, is he physically able to be by himself? If no, to any of the above questions, you might need to take a second look at what might be an inevitable situation.
If the thought is just intolerable for you, be frank with him. Tell him that you will help him find a place of his own because you sometimes have overnight guests and his living with you will make it uncomfortable for you. See what his reaction is.
Frankly, unless things are just unforgivable between your parents, I see them getting back together. Older people often go through these things. My parents went through the same type of disagreement and even went as far as to put their home up for sale. They eventually worked it out and got back together and stayed together until the end.
Good luck to you. I know what a dilemma this can be. I spent the last 4 years of my mother's life living with her in her home. It was worth every minute. I wish she was still here for me to look after.
2006-08-28 18:40:59 · answer #2 · answered by Sabina 5 · 0⤊ 0⤋
I am a 53 year old married man and my wife and I just had my mom move in with us, she is 82. Different reasons, she cannot take care of herself. As far as you and your dad go, I know that you do not want him to move in but you just cannot turn your back on him right now. How about you talk with him, tell him he can move in with you, only temporary, till he can find something for himself. I know that I would not want to stay with any of my children for a long period of time. Maybe he feels the same way.
Not to get on a soap box here, but how many times through your life has your dad helped you? I think you can return a little of that
love right now. Just think about it. He is your dad.
2006-08-28 22:15:06 · answer #3 · answered by morris 5 · 0⤊ 0⤋
ok well think about this before you do it. if you were in trouble would he let you move in with him???? has he helped you out when you needed it???? of course it is a incovience for anyone. i know if it was my dad my door would be open to him. remember that your parents will not be here forever, appriceate that time you could spend with them. of course make it clear that it would be temporary. set down the rules, of course girls, booze, etc that you are grown and make sure he will respect your space and your place. i dont think there is a way you wouldnt look like a bad son by not helping out of some sort. hell if you dont want him moving in with you, help him find a place.
2006-08-28 18:36:22 · answer #4 · answered by josh d 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
You're screwed. The best thing to do would be to find a place for him near you. Possibly in the same condo if there are any vacancies, but even that would be difficult. You're a good son. Hopefully their separation will only be temporary. Push for that.
Try to arrange it. Try to get them back together.
2006-08-28 18:37:25 · answer #5 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
How long did your Dad let you live with him? Don't you think you owe him something? Maybe put a time limit on the "stay" so that way your helping, yet you see a light at the end of the tunnel.
2006-08-28 18:37:02 · answer #6 · answered by Faith B 1 · 0⤊ 0⤋
I had to face the same situation a few years ago, and I politely but flatly told Dad no. I let him know that I would do anything I could to help him in every way, but I wasn't prepared to take a side between him and Mom. He was hurt at first, but he talked to me about it later and understood. I hope it works out that well for you.
2006-08-28 18:36:51 · answer #7 · answered by Beardog 7 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Wow that's a shame that you dog your dad like. Imagine your need a place to go and your dad tell you no. Son i just over a divorce i need my space. This the person that put food on the table and clothes on you back. Think about that.
2006-08-28 19:04:50 · answer #8 · answered by Kitty 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Well look at it from your dad's standpoint... Where else does he have to go, can he afford his own place, what is his income level? Whom does he have beside you, remember it's your dad and his is 76 years old... Not lot of time left for him... What confuses me is why a 76 year old man and his wife would get divorce at this stage of their life..
2006-08-28 18:47:40 · answer #9 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
think about dis way...if u needed a place to stay wouldnt he let u stay...he took care of u when u were little he fed u when u were hungry n wiped ur *** when u shitted...dont u think its ****** up not to let him stay wit u...hes already goin through sum hard time by separating from ur mom...stop being selfish n help ur dad out...wut if he dies the next day dan u will sure regret it..hes ur dad im sure he doesnt want to harm u in no way but u need to lend a hand
2006-08-28 18:38:58 · answer #10 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋