I didn't have a great sexual experience, and all he did was stick it in and then out. It hurt a lot, and i'm sure im not a virgin anymore...the hymen definatly popped cuz i bleed. This was YEARS ago...and i haven't had sex since. Im really scared what my fiance will think, i've told him i use tampons so i probbaly wont bleed our first night. I dont want to tell him the truth because i dont think my first experience should count.
My friends have said that because i havent had sex in a long time, i might be tight again. Will my fiance be able to tell im not a virgin?!?!?!
What do i do??
2006-08-28 11:19:01 · 44 answers · asked by nat04 3 in Family & Relationships ➔ Singles & Dating
Ok, he's told me he's done some stuff...but he's a virgin. So the reason i didnt tell him i wasnt because he has this ideal of what he wants. Im not really telling a lie nor am i starting my relationship on a HUGE lie....im just omitting the truth. Thanks to everyone out there for their answers...i still feel confused....
2006-08-28 11:33:56 · update #1
Why burst his bubble? All you will be doing by telling him the brutal truth is hurting him. What he doesn't know won't hurt him and he'll never know otherwise. You might feel like you're getting something off of your chest and YOU might feel better about that, but any trust built in your relationship will be lost.
It happened a long time ago and is no longer a relevant issue. You were young, curious and tried the experience. It wasn't the ideal experience. It has no bearing on the present. No, you are not a virgin, but no one need know that but you. Frankly, I don't see how it's any of his business anyway. It was your life, before him.
Hopefully none of your friends accidentally let it slip. Of course, you can always deny, deny, deny!!
You still may bleed, since it's been so long and one sexual experience doesn't make you "loose". Some women can have LOTS of sex and still be tight. Seeing as it's been awhile, I doubt you have anything to worry about and chances that he can "tell" are highly doubtful. Men just aren't that sharp! Especially during sex. Their brains are clouded by the hormones.
Trust me...full honesty in a relationship is HIGHLY overrated. Compassion and kindness are much more valuable.
2006-08-28 11:51:24 · answer #1 · answered by LindaLou 7 · 1⤊ 0⤋
I'm 19 years old and I've decided to wait until marriage. My boyfriend and I have been dating 9 months and I have told him that I am remaining a virgin until marriage. I won't even go past making out. This is my first official boyfriend. He has come right out and said he wants to do more, yet he always makes comments about how he loves me so much because he knows that I've will be the only person he will ever be with. He makes comments that I'm not a **** and he could never leave me. Here's how relationships work. Every guy wants sex. Their hormones say go go go, but in the end, they want to marry a virgin. They want to marry someone who isn't second hand, and who they know they can trust. The fact that you're a virgin is something that you can be respected for if you use it the right way. If this guy really has high morals, he will respect you for your decision and love you 100 times more. There is never disrespect in choosing to make sex a special thing between someone you choose to spend the rest of your life with vs some random relationship. If you decide to go with waiting and he breaks up with you because of it, he didn't respect you anyways and you can find better. There are very few guys who are ok with it, but they are out there. Good Luck :) And just be yourself. Putting on a front on a first date is the worst thing you can do. Start by trusting him and being yourself, and let him decide from there.
2016-03-26 23:20:31 · answer #2 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
What's a "virgin" anyway? Who makes these rules? If he cares about you and is secure in your relationship, why should it matter to him whether you are a so-called "virgin"? Why does society still turn a simple lack of past sexual experience into a gaudy commodity to be offered up to the "first"?
A sexual past is nothing to be ashamed of and I don't think your fiance would have the right to make rules about what you could and couldn't do sexually *before you even met*. And do you really think he would do such a thing anyway?
It would have been good to be open with your fiance in the first place but now that you haven't, I think it may be best not to say any more about it (particularly if you're both religious and "virginity" really is a big deal to one or both of you).
Anyway, your friends may be right about the possible tightness of your vagina. Your hymen may be broken but the dilation needed to have comfortable vaginal penetrative sex can sometimes take a bit of time so you may well find that you end up giving the impression that you're "still a virgin". But, to be honest, I can't understand why you would want to do that. Would your fiance seriously take comfort in the sexual discomfort of the woman he loves?
2006-08-29 05:03:32 · answer #3 · answered by CJ 4 · 1⤊ 0⤋
1. Your fiance is NOT going to be able to tell that you're not a virgin. Many women don't bleed because there are a thousand ways to lose your hymen (everything from tampons to riding a bike to who knows what). No matter what the romance novels say, it's pretty tough for an active woman to reach adulthood "intact." And, it takes a lot more than one night for a woman to lose her "tightness."
(fyi...The fact that you bled does not mean your hymen broke. If you were dry or weren't ready for intercourse, you might have bled from tearing or chafing of the vaginal walls. Yeah, I know, pleasant.)
2. I'm not going to sit here and lecture you about trust and coming clean to your man. The fact is that some guys have some kooky ideas about sex and sometimes the whole truth isn't necessary. BUT...
Why did you tell your fiance that you're a virgin? Why is this important to you? Do you feel like your first sexual experience reflects badly on you? Does he have strict beliefs on not having premarital sex? Do you feel like he would value you less if he knew the truth?
Because these things are going to impact the relationship a lot more than how tight your coochie is. You need to feel good about yourself and who you are. If you want to write a bad experience out of your past, it's your prerogative. But then really let go of it and focus on your present relationship.
Who you were with before, whether or not you are a virgin, has nothing to do with who you are now. It doesn't sound like you've made peace with that. It sounds like you're trying to be something you're not because you're ashamed or because you're afraid of rejection.
Also, the fact that all of your friends know and he doesn't...well, that may come back to bite you on the ***. Just something to keep in mind.
2006-08-28 11:52:29 · answer #4 · answered by Anonymous · 3⤊ 0⤋
Stop worrying about it. Is he a virgin? If he demands that you are a virgin and he's not, is not fair. Tampons do break the hymen. He probably wouldn't recognize it anyway. Don't worry about it.
if he insists then tell him that you have been penetrated. it doesn't matter if you enjoyed it or not. You are not a virgin anymore, that does not mean that your poontang is all baggy and loose. The important thing is not to lie to him. A relationship built on a lie has no future.
Good Luck
2006-08-28 11:32:13 · answer #5 · answered by Anonymous · 1⤊ 0⤋
if you didn't have an "o" then your still a V got it!
the tight thing well unless you have a baby your as tight as the first day! so no worries there...
but with all honestly if that is your soon to be husband i would just tell him the truth! nothinl like lies to destroy somthing good! and if you have someting good just explain to him that when you were in high school some dude slipped it in one time i don't count that as sex ...<- cuz it's not heavy four play almost sex but unless either of you got off your still a V
the hymen will break anyway at some point in your life that doesn't mean your not a V
Good luck
Mad luv
2006-08-28 11:28:24 · answer #6 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 1⤋
Let me get this straight...you're going to marry this guy, and you are going to lie to him about something this important, and probably lie to him again on your honeymoon? Is that really how you want to be starting your new life together?
Good grief, where do you get this idea that it "doesn't count" just because it wasn't everything the movies and the romance novels led you to believe? If we shoot the ball at the basket, and it doesn't go in, do they let you keep shooting until it finally does go in before it "counts" as your first shot?
Fact - you are no longer a virgin. Sorry
Fact - the truth ALWAYS has a way of coming out somehow, no matter how much we try to hide it.
Fact - you must be honest with him if you want your relationship to last. If you learn to lie to him before your marriage, what makes you think things will be different AFTER your marriage? If you can't trust each other, your relationship is going to fail!
Fact - if he really loves you, he'll understand, forgive you, and you'll certainly win his respect for telling him the truth. If the relationship can't endure this, I'm afraid you never had a solid foundation to begin with, and you are better off not marrying anyway at this time.
Opinion - if your friends are more concerned with how "tight" you are than honesty and trust, I wouldn't ask them for any more advice!
2006-08-28 11:41:14 · answer #7 · answered by whabtbob 6 · 0⤊ 2⤋
1) You don't mention his own previous sexual experience
2) He will not be able to tell from intercourse with you that you have had sex before. It's not possible. Not all women bleed first time, and "virginity", in the phsyical sense, can be "lost" if you ever went horseriding, fell off your bike or skateboard, do gymnastics, or masturbated.
3) The people telling you to tell him the truth are right, and if he can't take the truth, you didn't find Mr Right after all!
2006-08-28 11:29:43 · answer #8 · answered by Bad Liberal 7 · 1⤊ 0⤋
Being truthful is part of a relationship. Trust between each other is very important. I just hope that your former mistake of anothers penis in your hind end has not destroyed your bowels. Stupid men sometimes use this method without thinking of the womans side of it...I have seen many cases where a male rams his specialty up a womans hiny and destroys her bowels-this causes many problems later in life. If you had a bad sexual experiance-then be up front with your fiance...Life is to short to be destroyed by another. What was will always be-but what is now is a a knowledge gained from a bad experiance.. Always be truthful on things from the passed. If he can not accept it-then lose him and find someone better...If he cares for you, then he will understand. Another good piece of advice to you and other women-DON'T DO THE REAR END THING, UNLESS YOU ARE PREPARED TO SUFFER THE REST OF YOUR LIFE...Unfortunately, some couples experiment with it without understanding the future consequences...Hope this answer helps you...Have a good day..
2006-08-28 11:37:06 · answer #9 · answered by tombowling49 2 · 0⤊ 2⤋
You should be honest with your fiance, I am pretty sure he will understand. Now if you are to scared to tell him, then you and your fiance should have a talk of when you plan to be together so you won't go through what you went through again. I have heard of some girls that never bleed there first time. You should maybe do some reading on losing your virginity.
2006-08-28 11:29:37 · answer #10 · answered by Moni 2 · 0⤊ 1⤋