How can I tell if I'm Jesus Christ?

Question

Yeh...bit of an odd one this, but I'm pretty sure I'm Jesus Christ, you know, the son of God part 2. Is there any sure-fire way of finding out?

Answer 1

Did your 'Dad' believe your Mother's ' Immaculate Conception' line?

do you know any shepherds?

Answer 2

Ok you said that for effect didin't you? I'm a atheist so I couldn't care but I have to say I don't even believe there was a Jesus Christ never mind a Jesus Christ 2. So you belive what you want love.

Answer 3

Theres a few easy test to positively answer this to yourself.
1. Are you a flip flop wearing long haired hippy?
2. Do you get drunk on a bottle of evian?
3. Are you good at carpentry and a keen fisherman?

If yes to all 3, the chances are that your stigmata will arrive promptly in the post. Amen

Answer 4

Erm, were you approached by three wise men at your birth? Is your mother still a virgin - and, more importantly, was she a virgin when she gave birth to you?

Do you glow in the dark, especially in a big circle of light over your head? (If you've visited Chernobyl or Sellafield recently, the blue glow surrounding your body doesn't count).

Have you experienced episodes of walking on water? Have you accidentally touched a bucket of water and turned it into wine (making you a real hit at parties - when you run out of wine, get on your knees and pray).

When you last visited a friend in traction in hospital, lots of bones broken, did he walk out with you that afternoon because you touched his hand?

Are you surrounded by twelve stout men who drink in your every word, and a thirteenth guy in the back who's always on his cellphone calling the Department of Homeland Security?

I hope this whole thing can be filed under the statement "Ask a stupid question ..."

Answer 5

Your not jesus,Just a stange guy. But if you want a sure-fire way to know your Jesus, Why not get beaten until your skin hang like drapes and have thorns on your head,while getting spit,ridiculed,laughed,and cursed at.And hold a cross you'll be nailed to,Then die and in 3 days come back to life.If that happens,then I'll believe.Wanna try it?

Answer 6

The old 'water into wine' trick seemed to work well for JC#1 - or the loaves and fishes routine...try it...and if it doesn't work then maybe DAD is testing you (again)...live a good and blameless life - as an example to us all - and when you die - HE'll be so proud of you that HE will say "This is my beloved Son; in whom I am well pleased."

Answer 7

i'll tell you how to find out...
NO, U R NOT JESUS CHRIST PART 2.
THERE IS NO PART 2 & THERE NEVER WILL BE A PART 2.
I THINK U'R LIVING IN A FANTASY WORLD.
OR MAYBE JUST A DREAM.
JESUS CHRIST IS SO PERFECT, THE ONLY MAN EVER CREATED THAT'S PERFECT.
MAYBE U'R STRIVING TO BE LIKE JESUS CHRIST. WHICH YOU CAN DO & BE MORE LIKE CHRIST.

Answer 8

If you can turn water into wine and, despite this, have only 12 mates, then you may well be Jesus.

You could try walking on water, casting money-lenders out of the temple and healing the lame; see how it goes.

If it turns out you are Jesus, watch out for Judas; he's not just kissing you because he fancies you.

Answer 9

i'm pretty sure you can change wine into water, but can you change water into wine???? lol

Also have you brought any dead people back to life recently? How about healing lepers? Hmmm Have you fed a bunch of people like 5000 with 5 loaves and fish?

Answer 10

do you have a ratty beard? How about long nasty hair? Do you wear unflattering sandals? Bushy eyebrows? Maybe you have experienced movie like stigmata? If you have answered yes to all these questions, then you are Jesus...congrats! You and the other million people.

Answer 11

1 - You can walk on water
2 - You can make water into wine
3 - You can make one loaf of bread enough for an entire gathering of people
4 - You have the crucifixion wounds on your WRISTS and ankles/feet
5 - You love God. A lot.
6 - You love everybody you meet, and are very nice.
7 - You enjoy ruining bazaars held at Jewish Temples/Synagogues

- 16 yo Pagan