My mother in law has been living with us for a few months. During this time she has become difficult to be around.We have 4 children. The oldest 2 are from a different relationship. She is constantly favoring 1 over the other 3. This has led to many arguments. I am not sure what to do. My husband has tried to talk to her many times regarding this issue. She constantly takes it as an insult. She now has other members of our family acting this way. What can we do to change this...
2006-08-28 10:35:49 · 14 answers · asked by Jessica S. 1 in Family & Relationships ➔ Family
We each had a child when we met......
2006-08-28 10:49:07 · update #1
I'd talk with your husband and tell him she must shape up or ship out-this is not a healthy environment for you as parents or the children. If he loves you as he is supposed to, he'll be with you on this matter,even if it is his mother.If she is insulted, she'll eventually get over it.
My best friend once had this very same problem and he ended up throwing his mother out because she kept getting worse and worse. It was tough for him and it will be tough for your husband,but it seems by what you say,that this will be the eventual outcome of the situation.God bless and good luck!!
2006-08-28 10:52:44 · answer #1 · answered by Anonymous · 2⤊ 0⤋
Since it is his mother - - here is what you need to do:
Go out to dinner -- ALONE -- let her babysit (if you trust her) or hire a sitter to watch the children.
Over dinner -- discuss the situation with his mother -- and make sure you BOTH agree to the plan -- and Plan it should be:
1. Time limit for MIL to find other living accomodations -- is she disabled in any way at this time? Is she capable of living on her own with a few services? Why is she living with you in the first place.
2. Have your Husband TELL her the time limit -- and STICK to IT! BOTH of you need to tell her when she has to be in her new home -- and both need to help her get there if she stalls out -- which means filing for Section 8 (if she needs that -- take her there), going asking for furniture donations (if she needs that), and making sure that utilities are set, she can have an account to pay the bills, and she can get food (and even that can be donated or at low cost from Senior Citizen Centers nearby).
3. When the time comes, help her pack and take her to the new residence. Then help her unpack and get comfortable. It may mean that you might have to put up the cost of maybe 6 months of local phone service (which is very little cost indeed considering the stress of having an extra adult in the house not contributing to the home), so for your own sanity (and your husband's) -- do this.
4. Then visit her every other weekend or ask her to go to lunch weekly for a few months -- then remember her on a regular basis.
THIS is what I would do in that situation -- I had an elderly lady I knew that was needing help entering new housing (because she was having difficulty living where she was - - and was happy to help (remember her from my position long ago), but enough already -- I helped her apply for Section 8 housing, went to Goodwill and got her a Donation for Furniture for her Apartment, made sure it was handicap accessible, and even paid for 6 months of services in advance -- so that she would be comfortable in the new place. Then my own sanity returned and I felt relief -- because now I had my own home back again and did not have an extra adult in it that was not willing to help out with anything except complain and be more difficult.
2006-08-28 11:17:25 · answer #2 · answered by sglmom 7 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Your mother in law is disrupting your family harmony by her favoring. While it's probably unintentional on her part, it creates problems among siblings and she needs to realize that as an adult in the household she must act responsibly for the sake of the children.
You and your husband need to have a discussion with her after the kids have gone to bed. Tell her exactly what she needs to change and why it has been such a problem. If she refuses to hear you both out, it may be time to make the tough decision of telling her to find another place to live.
Family is the hardest to deal with because we love them and don't want to see them struggle but your first priority is the children.
2006-08-28 10:47:33 · answer #3 · answered by M N 5 · 1⤊ 0⤋
That is sad that your mother in law is like that. Any time a adult favor's a child over another one makes a relationship hard to deal with. The best advice I can give you is have a big family meeting and get it out in the open. And if that don't work, then have your mother in law move. It's the only way you are going to get peace.
2006-08-28 10:45:01 · answer #4 · answered by gsi 5 · 1⤊ 0⤋
First of all,that is not acceptable behavior favoring children.It causes tension amongst children cause they see one favored over the other, thats not right! I would point out those particular actions that make you feel that way to her.I would definately give her an altimatum, either treat them all the same or leave. It's unhealthy for children to be treated that way and unhealthy to witness arguing in a non-adult fashion. Hey it's their home too.......do what you must to keep their enviroment pleasant and prejudiced free.
2006-08-28 10:46:40 · answer #5 · answered by Anonymous · 1⤊ 0⤋
A lot of mother in laws are like that (funny how it seems to always end up like that), they take everything as an insult. I think you and your husband need to take control of your own lives, now I don't know why your mother in law is living with you, but I think you need to take over your own life and tell her to move out. It's hard but it's necessary.
2006-08-28 10:46:07 · answer #6 · answered by zephyrgirl636 2 · 1⤊ 0⤋
Tell her that her favoring one child over the other isn't right and that you want her to treat them all equally or she can move out...This is only hurting your children ..She will make the others to feel inadequate and you do not need this..Also tell her she needs to quit having the other family members doing the same thing...If she can't do this then I would tell her she has to leave
2006-08-28 10:43:07 · answer #7 · answered by Mrs. M 5 · 1⤊ 0⤋
Your husband has to lay down the law. Treat all the children fairly or move out. And, he can't lay it on you. He needs to tell her that he supports you as a parent in every way.
2006-08-28 10:40:34 · answer #8 · answered by Otis F 7 · 1⤊ 0⤋
get the mother-in-law out of the house ASAP. she is dividing your house. it must not be allowed. there are enough outside pressures in the world to tear apart your household. take a lesson from world history, most of the great powers have been destroyed from within, not from without.
2006-08-28 10:46:43 · answer #9 · answered by Robert A 3 · 1⤊ 0⤋
i am sorry to hear about what you are going threw!
i know abotu that myself my mom in law lived with us last year for 6 months and i was the biggest mistak of our lives to allow her to stay with us! she too treated our 2 little girls differently and they are both her own granddaughters!
over a year later i am still trying to deal with this issue and we hae both talked to her about it and FINALLY after i told her about all the damages that she caused in great detail she has finally come around a tiny bit.
all i can say is that i know what you are going threw and i really wish i could help you. but i myself and still looking for a way to deal with this all!
best of luck!!!!!
2006-08-28 10:45:10 · answer #10 · answered by Anonymous · 1⤊ 0⤋