Ok, my ex and I just recently broke up after almost 4 years together. He says that he still loves me and that he cares about me, but doesn’t have time to be with me because of school, work, homework, and training. He still wants us to be friends because he still wants me in his life. And that I deserve to be taken out and given gifts and all that, which I have never asked for, but he said that he feels crappy b/c he can’t afford it right now and doesn’t have time to do it.
My friends of course are like “oh he found someone else and he’s just keeping you as a friend incase that doesn’t work out and he can come back.” The only thing is, he is not a relationship kind of guy and even his family said that he has never been with someone as long as me (actually never dated anyone, never brought anyone home nothing until me) and never spent so much time with someone.
2006-08-28 10:32:04 · 8 answers · asked by secret t 1 in Family & Relationships ➔ Singles & Dating
So I’m not really worried about him “being” with someone else, having sex with I could see, but he wouldn’t get into a relationship with them, at least I doubt it.
My question is guys, when a guy says that (in the first paragraph) what does that really mean? Do guys really feel that way or is it because they found someone else or what? Would you tell a girl you loved her and wanted her in your life but just not want to be with her if you found someone else? Does he just need time or is he over it (I know you can’t speak for him, but I need a guys point of view). Thanks
2006-08-28 10:32:15 · update #1
So you've been together for 4 long years, and when he tells you something, you still don't know if he's telling the truth? That's not a good sign....
Is it true? Does he really have school and work and homework AND training all at once? If so, that's an enormous amount of time & energy to invest, and trying to make a relationship work on top of all that would be an enormous strain on you and the relationship. If he's going to feel guilty every time he's with you because his mind would be preoccupied with everything on his "To Do" list, both of you would be miserable.
On the other hand, it sounds like you would be willing to endure less time with him and stay together in spite of this. Have you made this clear to him? Is he assuming how you feel, or does he KNOW how you feel? If he knows how you feel, and he wants to break it off anyway, maybe he is feeling the pressure to be the "perfect" boyfriend, and you need to reassure him he doesn't have to be perfect.
It's my personal philosophy that we'll always make time to do the things we really want to do, in spite of how "busy" we claim to be. I know some students in medical school who still make time for dating relationships in spite of their enormous workload, and others who have put relationships on the back burner temporarily so they can concentrate on their studies. It's possible that people can use their "busyness" as an excuse to end a relationship they no longer want to continue, but sometimes the demands of one's lifestyle can be a very legitimate reason for ending a relationship and a very honorable thing to do.
So no one here can give you a definite answer - we don't know anything about this guy or his character. So all I can say is, make sure he knows your feelings on the matter, and if he still thinks it's best to break up for the reason he gave you, I hope you'd be able to trust him after all this time together. If not, then that's a sign that your relationship has weaknesses in it's foundation, and you should persue other relationships.
Hope this helps.
2006-08-28 11:09:54 · answer #1 · answered by whabtbob 6 · 1⤊ 0⤋
Sounds pretty lame if you ask me. It doesn't necessarily mean he's found someone else or anything like that. Guys get bored and four years is a pretty long time. Maybe Mr. Ex just wants a change of pace or something.
2006-08-28 17:41:54 · answer #2 · answered by xaint 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Chances are he wants to make you happy but is unable to right now so he is feeling bad about himself. He wants to get his life on track so he could give you a good life and has to work hard at it so therefore has no time for a social life.
Talk to him about it and tell him how you feel and that you are willing to wait for him(if that is the case).
2006-08-28 17:41:41 · answer #3 · answered by Shawn D 2 · 1⤊ 0⤋
I fell asleep half way thought that. Had to read it again, when I finished I forgot the beginning...OK answers is "you'll just have to go with what feels right". If he has no money then for goodness sake take him out. If he hasn't got time or money then he is probably spending it all on drugs, in that case find another person!
2006-08-28 17:39:40 · answer #4 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 1⤋
im a girl but ive said that i didnt have time for my bf (cause of school/work ect..) before so we should break up....and he ask, are you doing it for me or u. and i said i was doing it for him. and he said well im willing to risk not seeing u that much and still have u...... in other words he proved to me that i was doing it causei was selfish maybe u need to ask ur bf or ex bf did he do it for him or you? and if for u tell him u dont want that stuff.
2006-08-28 17:42:41 · answer #5 · answered by Anonymous · 1⤊ 0⤋
Well, if he's a popular guy, he might have someone else but doesn't want to hurt you. If he's medium, he might be telling the truth. If he's a complete nerd, he is telling the truth because he won't get anyone better.
2006-08-28 17:44:11 · answer #6 · answered by Why Is The Rum Always Gone? 3 · 0⤊ 2⤋
sometimes dating needs to take a back seat to life so dating is better later in life
2006-08-28 17:37:54 · answer #7 · answered by Anonymous · 2⤊ 0⤋
He could be telling the truth.Sometimes it happens you know.
2006-08-28 17:36:30 · answer #8 · answered by pogieboy316 3 · 1⤊ 0⤋