Explain Noah's Ark to me without laughing?

Question

So there's this little old man. God tells him to save the World so he builds a boat.

So he goes around the World, picking up 2 of every animal. He gets elephants, rhinos, gorillas, kangaroos, snakes, dogs, mice, bears, polar bears, cheetahs, bears, lions etc.

So he goes from Northern Canada to the Amazon jungle to accomplish this. Not only that, he finds a male and female to accompany him (even with mice and snakes which do not easily distinguished).

He then takes them on a boat and feeds then for 40 days. None of them die. None of them eat eachother or fight.

And life on Earth is saved as we know it.

Will someone explain this to me in normal, everyday terms that normal, everyday people will understand? (The magic man answer will not work)

Answer 1

OMG.......why does nobody UNDERSTAND how NOAH did it. OK let me explain it all for everyone!!!

1. First Noah was young.....he just looked old from the stress of looking for 2 of every damn creature that walked the Earth.

2. After looking for them all and FAILING, god collects them all up for him.

3. God does this by resurrecting the DINOSAURS (why not Jesus came back). Since they have been dead so long they are starving and ate all but 2 of everything (God has his pets well trained) He then had to kill the dinosaurs to make the oil to power the Diesel turbines on Noah's boat.

4. God loads the animals into Noah's well constructed 30 football stadium long boat. This is easy for god since the WORLD was still FLAT at that time.....ever play monopoly or checkers and take the game board fold it into a "V" and just dump the pieces into the box????? Same thing god did.

5. God then flooded the earth, it rained 40 days and 40 long damn nights........why didnt they animals fight you ask. Cuz they drank that nasty rain water and all ended up with diarrhea. To busy $hitting to fight.

6. Now its a MYTH that all the animals survived. Some did drown ,die of pnemonia, and were EATEN. So after all that mess was over some animals were left without mates. Think about it......male duck..female beaver...their forced to mate. EQUALS a platypus.
Evolution didnt create the oddities.......Noah's craving for meat did....he ate them furry little ba$tard$. Spider Monkeys, Whale Shark, Dogfish....those are cross breeds if I ever heard of one.

Answer 2

Well, other then many of your assumptions being wrong...
He did not go around the world collecting the animals, God brought them to the area. He didn't feed them for only forty days, that's how long it rained. It is more likely that they were all on the ark for about a year. No where does it say the animals were adult, so not as much space would have been needed. Many animals hibernate, so it's safe to suggest that at some point not all the animals needed to be fed.
He took 2 from every animal type (species), that means he would not need brown bears and black bears, or any other bear. After the flood the animals dispersed over the earth and adapted to the environments they settled in.
That should be enough for you to think about.

Answer 3

Why don't you just read the book? One thing, it took Noah 120 years to build the ark. The people laughed, just like you are, because it had never rained before and they could not comprehend a world flood, just like you. Noah didn't have to go hunting, God brought the animals to the ark. God shut the door to the ark and opened the heavens and the underground springs. The people started worrying, then crying, pleading, but the door was shut and the ark beginning to float. Just like you, they didn't believe until it was too late. Don't be too late boy, I'm not laughing, I'm serious.

Answer 4

not at all......


God looks at the earth and sees that everyone's living lives of sin and says that he's going to kill all humans and every animal....but He sees Noah, who is living a just life, and grants him grace....so God tells Noah that He's going to destroy the humans and animals, and to make an ark (God gave Noah the specifications of exactly how He wanted it built). Noah began building and once completed (over 100 years later), God instructed Noah to gather his family onto the ark, as well as two (1 male, 1 female) of every kind of animal.....once done, God closed the door to the ark, and it began to rain.......all the people around who had laughed at Noah while he was building the ark (you see, it had never rained before) were now begging for mercy.....for 40 days and nights it rained, until the entire earth was flooded......all died but what was on the ark.....at the end of the 40 days, Noah sent out a dove (in search of land), but it returned.....until finally Noah sent it back out and it returned with an olive leaf.....he sent the dove out a final time, and it did not return.....so then they got off the ark, and God told them (and the animals) to replenish the earth

Answer 5

you forgot to mention that the Titanic was built by professionals the ark was built by amatures

Ahem... as also said before here....God did NOT ask Noah to save the world, God destroyed the ancient world; At that time there may have been one continent; and the animals came to Noah.

During the flood God broke up the flood gates of the earth, the continents literally sank for a year Most of the geological layers we see today and the fossils are from layers hydrologically burried durrign the flood and animals buried durign th eflood

The polar caps would not have been frozen yet in the centuries aftwerwards and the waters from the massive volcanism of that time being warm but cooling causing a post flood ice age which probably ended when the polar caps froze and wer no longer snow machines. In the aftermath of the melting of the glaciers secondary flooding from glacial lakes could additoinall form some of the geology seen, like th grand conayon and many canyon systems seem today

Answer 6

You have made 3 predictable errors.
1st, Noah did not nor was he supposed to save the world.
2. Noah did not get the animals and bring them into the ark. Since there were predators and prey such a feat would be impossible.
3. there was 1 continent at that time.

You show a TV knowledge of a subject you would mock, I suggest you read up on it before embarrasing yourself in this way.

The purpose of the ark was a save the animals and Noah and his family as the only righteous ones on the earth. Everything else is a fiction.

Answer 7

Pangaea existed too, no? He took 7 pairs of "clean" (fit to eat, Kosher) animals too. I'm sure the others who didn't enter the ark mocked Noah and thought he was making the world's first zoo.

Supposedly all life was gigantic back then, humans and reptiles too. So some "dinosaurs" could have been saved by the Ark. Some people also believe that there was advanced technology and some species were made by genetic engineering.

Answer 8

You information is B-A-D! Best to start with good information or better, the best authority on the Flood story, being that of the "Torah" or Pentatuch, the first five books of the old testament. Noah did not do this stuff all on his own. He had help, instructions, to the letter and in detail about WHAT to do and how to build that Ark. The animals were brought to HIM, by God, 2 of each kind, male and female of the "clean" animals, and 7 of each, male and female, of the "unclean" animals. He did collect them. He did not go anywhere. It took 100 years to build the Ark, on dry land. He was just an ordinary man, regular joe. He, however, served an extraordinary God, who was in charge. It is a story which requires FAITH in something outside of ourselves.

Answer 9

Some believe there was a giant underground lake and that while it did indeed rain for 40 days and nights, that rain mixed with other climate changes caused the under ground lake to explode to the surface causing the one continant to form the continants we now have. But I don't know why I'm even mentioning this, you obviously don't believe in the Bible.

Answer 10

In Noah's day, God eas angry with the sins of humanity, so God was going to destroy the human race and all of earth life. But God saw that Naoh was a decent person. God chose not derstoy all of life but save Naoh and a few other people and some animals. God brought the animals to Noah not Noah looking for them.

So God had Noah and his family and the animals to enter the ark. God sent the flood to the destroy who was left. Simple and direct