Okay, my story is I'm engaged to a great girl, but recently I've been having second thoughts. Reason why is because I just a met a new girl at work who is amazing. We connect perfectly and have tons in common. I really like her, but have yet to act on my feelings. I feel like such a bastard because my fiancee is so excited about this wedding and I feel I'm too young to be getting married and if I just met a new girl I'm crazy about then I shouldn't be getting married. I have a hard time saying this to my fiancee, I don't want to hurt her, but I regret ever asking her to marry me. I did it because I felt pressured to by her and my family. I need advice
2006-08-28 10:03:49 · 54 answers · asked by Anonymous in Family & Relationships ➔ Weddings
You need to sort this out now! Talk to your fiancee. Tell her you're having second thoughts. See a marriage/relationship counselor to work it out. After a few visits, if you still feel the way you do now, then break it off.
My guess is that the new girl is really just a symptom of the panic that everyone feels during an engagement. It's called "buyer's remorse".
2006-08-28 10:09:56 · answer #1 · answered by Otis F 7 · 2⤊ 0⤋
If you are having second thoughts such as these, this is not your typical wedding cold feet. You're right, you shouldn't be getting married, if you feel you're too young, and have met someone else you want to pursue a relationship with. If you regret asking your fiance to marry you, then the time to back out is NOW. You're going to have to do something horribly uncomfortable, you're going to have to hurt her. There's no way around this, because she will be hurt. In the long run though, it will be the right thing to do, and she'll probably thank you one day when she's found someone who will love her the way she deserves to be loved. Do the right thing here, and don't marry this girl, it will never work, and if there's anything worse than breaking up an engagement, it would be divorcing after you've had a kid or two.
2006-08-28 11:34:22 · answer #2 · answered by basketcase88 7 · 1⤊ 0⤋
Oh man ... what a tangled web you've weaved!!! Ok, first I have been married for 8 years and I knew my husband for one month before we got married. Now, your situation ... there must be something about your fiance that you love. Sit for a moment and think about all the good times you've had together. Think about all the times she has been there for you, the times she has made you laugh and the times you spent together just talking. Just because you met another person and you guys had a great connection, it doesn't mean that you go and break your engagement to be with the other girl. What if you do break off the engagement and a few days or months down the road, the other girl doesn't seem so great anymore? Just because you are engaged doesn't mean you have to get married right away. Just because this new girl drives you crazy, it doesn't mean that you are no longer crazy for your fiance, right? Just take the time to sit and think about what you really want. And if that doesn't work for you ... break off the engagement now. If you get married and find yourself not happy, then it will lead to a messy divorce. Like they say, better soon than later. If you need more advice you can email me at bsantos0523@yahoo.com. Goodluck!!!
2006-09-01 01:32:23 · answer #3 · answered by bsantos0523 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
I don't know how old you are but maybe your right. You are jumping in something that you probably felt pressured by. But no matter how much it hurts I would rather been told that the wedding is off rather than get cheated on now and during the marriage. Do what is right for the both of you. You never know you might want to marry her later, but now is just too soon for your man hood. Hey my sister and her man just got engaged with a son. And they have been together for 6 years and they haven't even set a date. BUT they know the LOVE is there. So if you not sure what LOVE is, you might want to recognize. I am divorced with two children and I wished I had married when I felt like it was right instead of not saying something when I wasn't ready before the wedding!!!
2006-08-28 10:18:49 · answer #4 · answered by sxymama 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Well, from a woman's perspective...First of all you need to be honest with your fiance..but you dont need to be honest enough to tell her that you are interested in someone else. Its going to be hard enough on her without hearing that there is someone else. Tell her that you are having cold feet and put the wedding off for 3 months or longer.
Sounds as if you felt pressured into asking her to marry you...however, jumping into another relationship isnt a good idea either. Its very possible that you are using a faint attraction with this woman as an excuse to get out of commiting to your fiance. Not to mention if I was that other girl i would not be all excited about a guy telling me he likes me when he is or was engaged to someone else. If it doesnt bother her in the least then she isnt someone that you would want to be with anyhow.
Go get some counselling and work out the issues before you make any rash decisions. There are a lot of people who would be affected by any decision that you make.
Good luck!
2006-08-28 10:10:05 · answer #5 · answered by Judi V 2 · 2⤊ 0⤋
Well if you are having these feelings now STOP the wedding now don't prolong it any further. If you can not commit to her completely now you will never be able to so I say call off the engagement now before things get more complicated, because if you were truly in Love with her you wouldn't have these feelings for another woman. So save yourself the cost of a divorce and stop it now. Trust me I just went through that now we are going through a divorce and its more expensive than the wedding, and more painful than just breaking up! So think long and hard about what you really want and act on it now don't wait until its to late.
2006-08-28 10:12:38 · answer #6 · answered by stormy2u2001 4 · 1⤊ 0⤋
before each little thing, you're a ways from youthful. do not pay interest to others' reviews. What concerns is what you sense is sweet for you and your fiance. human beings can not allow you to realize what to do as anybody is diverse and also you're 25 years previous! i am going to allow you to realize this because my husband and that i have been married for 4 weeks and we are both 20 and neither persons are through college. Alot of persons including my kinfolk stated we were a lot too youthful, yet his dad became completely behind us 100% and purely the help of purely one individual completely helped us out. We both artwork; me making $7 an hour operating 30-35 hours a week and him making $8 operating 39-40 hours a week. We were in a position to pull mutually between the nicest weddings alot of our friends had considered in a lengthy time period. Ya'll at the on the spot are not too youthful....exceptionally in view that ya'll are both through college and halfway to 30! human beings look to have this loopy concept that they could "be mutually" for like years and years and years and in no way get married because human beings say now to not yet when ya'll are waiting, GET MARRIED! If every person tells you in the different case do not pay interest to it. Ya'll are adults and entirely waiting to get married! flow for it, do not wait to any extent further!!
2016-12-05 20:06:17 · answer #7 · answered by brenton 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
If you have such strong feelings for another women you just meet you defintly dont need to be getting married. Just sit down with your fiance and tell her your not sure your ready to be married and have such a commentment. She probably will be upset now but eventually down the road she will thank you. You will only regret it if you end up getting married because you wont be happy and might cheat and alamony would suck. So do SOMETHING before the wedding, Good luck to you
2006-08-28 13:44:08 · answer #8 · answered by manders2883 1 · 1⤊ 0⤋
Well first of all, I don't think you should feel guilty. Seems to me that you haven't acted on these feelings - right? Don't go through with marriage if you're not 150% sure - believe me. Marriage is a hard thing for those who DO want to be together.
Sit your girlfriend down and tell her NOW - don't wait another day. The sooner, the better. It will be hard, but it needs to be done. Everyday you wait, is another she gets excited about the wedding. Just be truthful, be honest and tell her how you feel. Tell her that you do care about her, but that you felt you had no other choice than to propose to her. She'll be hurt, she'll be angry...but in time, she'll understand. In time she will get over this.
Good Luck...Marilyn
2006-08-28 10:11:12 · answer #9 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
You have no other choice but to call your wedding off and telling your finance the truth. It is best not to go ahead in a marriage if you are having doubts and have your eye on another. It will cause great pain but, in the long run you both have to be ready for a marriage commitment.You said you where pressured by her and her family, tell her the truth how you feel because if you marry her the marriage will end in divorce for sure.
2006-08-28 10:20:12 · answer #10 · answered by Bazinga 7 · 0⤊ 0⤋