i cut. and my mom found out and she keeps threatening me... help, im desperate...?

Question

my mom keeps threatening to tell people about my problem, and she keeps bringing it up while im with a big group of people...
im struggling with it, and i want to stop. but then she goes and she cries to me about it and then she tells me she doesnt want me to hurt myself.
and she isnt helping me at all.

Answer 1

first you have to determin why you cut, because you are depressed, mad, confused etc. the once you have determined why you can figure out how to stop. my advice is to find an alternative when what ever sets you off to cut, (depression, anger, cofusion etc.) so when you feel compelled to cut after something bad has set you to do it, replace it with something, twiddling you thumbs, pulling your ear, popping you knuckles, whatever. a good thing to use as you alternative is your nervous tick, with me i pop my knuckles, some people pull their ear, twist their hair, what ever. but try not to replace cutting with some other form of hurting yourself, like grinding your teath, biting your lip, or chewing your nails. if you cant find something to replace cutting, try to figure out what you normally do without thinking about it, like some people tap their fingers , swing their legs or anything else. hope that helped. you should also talk to your mom about how you would like for that to be a private matter between you and her. when other people over hear you guys talking about it that sort of depression could be what is compelling you to do it even more. you can also get rid of what you normally use to cut, and when you try to do it again immidiatly start doing what you came up with to replace that habit. a lot have people have said that to get rid of one habit, you must recieve a new one. try to make sure the new one is somehing good for you. you could also try taking up a sport or hobby, something that you could look forward to doing each week to clear your mind. cutting can also be caused by stress, f you have a stressful life then you should try taking a break over the weekend or something to relax you (besides cutting) one last thing, this could be because of a vicious cycle, like you dont like to see you mom cry, so you get depressed and cut, then she cries more, if this is true then try to intercept the cycle with something you enjoy. last, do not go to a phsyciatrist because some people get anxious around them, and know/think they shouldnt be there and end up paying a bunch of money and end up in the same place they started with no progress, try explaining this to your mom to. hope this helped. why i say you should not go to a phsyciatrist is because this is a personal matter btween you and your mom, but if you truly believe it will help, and you are not going to disregard the person "treating" you then you should try it out for sure. Cutting is what experts call an unhealthy coping mechanism. This means that the people who do it have not developed healthy ways of dealing with strong emotions, intense pressure, or upsetting relationship problems.


There are lots of good, healthy ways to cope with difficulties, such as talking problems over with parents, other adults, or friends; putting problems in perspective; and getting plenty of exercise. But people who cut haven't developed these skills. When emotions don't get expressed in a healthy way, tension can build up - sometimes to a point where it seems almost unbearable. Cutting may be an attempt to relieve that extreme tension. It's a confused way of feeling in control. That's one of the reasons why younger teens are more likely to cut.

The urge to cut might be triggered by strong feelings the person can't express - such as anger, hurt, shame, frustration, or depression. People who cut sometimes say they feel they don't fit in or that no one understands them. A person might cut because of losing someone close or to escape a sense of emptiness. Cutting might seem like the only way to find relief, or the only way to express personal pain over relationships or rejection.

People who cut or self-injure sometimes have other mental health problems that contribute to their emotional tension. Cutting is sometimes (but not always) associated with depression, bipolar disorder, eating disorders, obsessive thinking, or compulsive behaviors. It can also be a sign of mental health problems that cause people to have trouble controlling their impulses or to take unnecessary risks. Some people who cut themselves have problems with drug or alcohol abuse.

Some people who cut have had a traumatic experience, such as living through abuse, violence, or a disaster. Self-injury may feel like a way of "waking up" from a sense of numbness after a traumatic experience. Or it may be a way of reinflicting the pain they went through, expressing anger over it, or trying to get control of it. 1. Tell someone. People who have stopped cutting often say the first step is the hardest - admitting to or talking about cutting. But they also say that after they open up about it, they often feel a great sense of relief. Choose someone you trust to talk to at first (a parent, school counselor, teacher, coach, doctor, or nurse). If it's too difficult to bring up the topic in person, write a note.

2. Identify the trouble that's triggering the cutting. Cutting is a way of reacting to emotional tension or pain. Try to figure out what feelings or situations are causing you to cut. Is it anger? Pressure to be perfect? Relationship trouble? A painful loss or trauma? Mean criticism or mistreatment? Identify the trouble you're having, then tell someone about it. Many people have trouble figuring this part out on their own. This is where a mental health professional can be helpful.

3. Ask for help. Tell someone that you want help dealing with your troubles and the cutting. If the person you ask doesn't help you get the assistance you need, ask someone else. Sometimes adults try to downplay the problems teens have or think they're just a phase. If you get the feeling this is happening to you, find another adult (such as a school counselor or nurse) who can make your case for you.

4. Work on it. Most people with deep emotional pain or distress need to work with a counselor or mental health professional to sort through strong feelings, heal past hurts, and to learn better ways to cope with life's stresses. One way to find a therapist or counselor is to ask at your doctor's office, at school, or at a mental health clinic in your community.

Although cutting can be a difficult pattern to break, it is possible. Getting professional help to overcome the problem doesn't mean that a person is weak or crazy. Therapists and counselors are trained to help people discover inner strengths that help them heal. These inner strengths can then be used to cope with life's other problems in a healthy way you can also try these websites, http://www.palace.net/~llama/psych/self.html, http://www.kidshealth.org/teen/your_mind/mental_health/cutting.html

Answer 2

I would be hurt, too, if my mother brought this up to people in front of you.
What you have to realize is that you have an illness. Many people who suffer from cutting themselves have Borderline Personality Disorder. I am not saying that you have this, and even if you do not, there is a very successful treatment program that you can use to get help.
It is called DBT therapy. Dialectical Behavioral Therapy. You attend a two hour class and also see a DBT therapist once a week. Look it up on the web. It is a class that helps us tolerate crises, and finds ways for us to engage in good behaviors, instead of resulting in suicide or hurting ourselves. I would very much urge you, first, to get to the doctor. You need to be diagnosed and perhaps put on some kind of anti depressant. You are doing this for a reason, honey. You need help. If you continue, your behavior with cutting will only get worse. And, when you get bored with that, something else that may harm you may show up.
Feel free to IM me. Please get some help.

Answer 3

Because she doesn't know how to help you. She's grabbing at straws. Maybe she thinks by embarrassing you,....that you'll stop.
She just doesn't know. She loves you so deeply yet she's terrified. What if it were her doing this to herself how would you handle it. You never know how far someone else will go because you can't get into their head to see exactly what they're thinking.
She made you & now you're hurting her child. How do you stop your child from getting hurt when its your own child inflicting the pain? You both need help this isn't something to be brushed under the carpet in hope that it will go away on its own. Offer for the 2 of you to go see someone. Your mother needs as much help as you do. She needs to understand why it is you do the things you do. She needs to be told It's NOT HER FAULT.
Everything that happens to you doesn't have something to do with her,....once she accepts that she'll be able to help you free of guilt.
Good Luck!!! You're going to be just fine once you get the help you need.

Answer 4

self harm is a really hard thing for other people to understand! speaking as someone who has went through it and got past it!
my parents never found out! i always wore long sleeves when i was around them! never spoke about it to them! i actually feel really bad for you because i didn't want to tell them and if i had to now i still wouldn't!
You just need to say to her! that your struggling with a problem, and you would rather have her help than made to feel bad! (only if you do really want her help)
one tip! you do need to go to a professional help! self harm is only a cover up to a deeper problem and wont just go away over night! you need to face your demons and get past it! life is so good without it!
i do still have the odd occasion when i have to wear an elastic band!
You cant get over self harm by your self you need to go and get the correct support! its scary at first! but there is great people out there that no what there talking about and that are there to help!
i wish you all the best! and if you ever need to chat email me! [e-mail]

Answer 5

My sister is a cutter, but has now been diagnosed with Bipolar Manic Depressive a VERY serious mental disorder. We found all of this out only alittle too late, she attempted to commit suicide. So please, it is a blessing that your mother found out, even if you don't feel like it. Now maybe you can get the help you need, as far as your mother. She doesn't understand, like many of us don't, take her aside when you feel you can, (soon sweetie, please) and tell her that you should talk to someone. And even though she may not like the idea, that that someone probably shouldn't be her ( she is a mother, and mothers only want to help their babies out) tell her that you want someone who knows what and how to help you from experience. Like a psychiatrist or therapist.
Please look at the website Ive given and then maybe you may feel even more better about confronting your problem. Which I suggest and you definitely need to do, b4 it gets to outta control.
You ll be in my prayers, and good luck to you.

Answer 6

You need to recognize that you have 2 problems. First, self mutilation, and second a destructive relationship with your mother. They are probably intertwined. This means that your mother is not going to be part of the solution, because she's part of the problem (which is not to say she's a bad mother or you're a bad kid). You both need some counseling - apart and then together, and sooner rather than later.

Answer 7

Have you told her what she's doing doesn't help. I'm a cutter and my mom used to do that to me, not with cutting but just about everything else. She'd always try to embarass me whenever I made a mistake or at least that's what it felt like. Sit down with her and say that if she wants to help that's not the way to do it.
Some ways you could suggest for her to help is to help find you a therapist, basically have her help you find ways which you can help yourself. Cutting is something that no one can solve for you no matter how much they want to you have to do it yourself. It also scares people and makes them react in unhelpful ways but chances are that your mom really does love you and wants to protect you and just doesn't understand how.

Googling self-injury might be a good thing for both you and your mom to help understand what it is that you are going through. A few good web sites are : http://www.coolnurse.com/self-injury.htm , http://www.healthyplace.com/Communities/Self_Injury/bloodred/index.html , ... but there are always more. You do have to be careful as some website can be triggering and it is always advised to make sure you're safe. Also there's a book that my therapist gave me about self injury it's called "Bright Red Scream" and it's by Marilee Strong. I found it really helpful maybe you will too. You'll probably want to read it first then decide whether you want your mom to read it to as it is very graphic.

Also there are many groups on the internet both for those dealing with selfinjury themselves and for those who have family and friends dealing with it. It may be helpful for you and your mom to such such groups. I would advise though not joining the same one, so that you can both say exactly what you're thinking and not have to worry about the other seeing it.

I can't promise that learning about self injury will help your mom truely understand but it is a good place to start. Also if you do decide to go into counselling make sure that the counsellor understands cutting. There are some who don't and it's really not helpful. Also if your mom is still acting the same you can ask the counsellor to sit down with your mom and talk about self injury with her. Your counsellor wouldn't have to go into specifics if you told them not to but it might just help your mom understand.

I hope this is even a little bit helpful for you cuz I know how overwhelming it can be to be going through this

Answer 8

tell her that it triggers you more when she tells people about your problem in a group of people, because it can be really hurtful. Hopefully she can understand. and if you want to stop have your mom take you to a psyochlogist to help you deal with your problems and give you tips on how to deal without hurting yourself. I had an eating disorder which kinda relates to your situation and a psychologist helped a little but you have to want to stop on your own and then you can finally get some help by someone else and within yourself. I sincerely hope this helps.
~reb

Answer 9

My girlfriend used to cut and her mother along with a lot of people at my church would do the same thing your mother did. This is how you stop or help stop. Find someone you can talk to and trust. Whenever you feel like you want to cut go and talk to them perferably find someone you know that used to cut but has gotten over it but it can be anyone you can trust. tell them how you feel and what your thinking about if you cant get a hold of them write down everything on you mind on a peice of paper and burn it. But if you really have to cut which is a very last resort you should work towards doing it less and less every time and that person you trust and talk to should hold you accountable for that. You dont want to let them down or yourself down. This helped out my girlfriend so it might work for you.

Good luck

oh and another thing be open with your mom tell her how you feel about her telling everyone and that you are trying to stop and if she really wants to help you she has to stop crying to you because you get emotional and people who cut I dont know if its true for you wan to get that emotion out. or they feel like they want to feel something other than those emotions. so be upfront thats the best thing you can do with your mother oh and another thing you can get what is called a nervous stone that you can rub or scratch to get your mind off of it or try punching a pillow. there are lots of things you can do to help

Answer 10

That's a toughie. Well I know this is bad. But your parents shouldn't threaten, because that's probably why you started cutting in the first place. Mothers shouldn't want to tell everyone your business. Mothers are suppose to be trust worthy so that we can tell them more things. There suppose to be trust worthy. I say you need to get other help besides your bragging mother. Try talking to your doctor.

A question for you

Why do people cut? I'm not criticizing I'm just curious.

Good Luck

-Jenn

Answer 11

try talking to her about it! Tell her why you cut, why it bothers you that she's threatning to tell people about it... and just for the heck of it why not go get some councelling for the both of you!!! I KNOW that people that cut have either alot of internal pain they want to sooth it by making it external pain... or they do it for attention. Later in life you will look back at it and say "why did I do such a thing?" and then you will watch your kids do it... wanna know how I know... I've watching my kids do it... the difference is I did it when I was young so we talked and got help together... they don't cut anymore! Just get the help!