My BF who is emotionally restricted to me has recently told me that he loves me. I have a hard time dealing with this because he said it only after I told him that I was thinking about moving on due to his refusal to committ to me. Also he thinks that there is a threat of me leaving him for another man. He also said it in a middle of an argument while he was drunk. He has said this before a year ago only to break up with me a week later. We have been back together for 5 months now and things are great. However he continues to tell me that he is not ready for a relationship that has a path leading to marriage. I tell him that neither em I. I'm scared to feel happy and secure in the relationship because I continue to anticipate a horrible situation or I'm constantly waiting for him to freak out and leave me again. I can't enjoy the good times I'm having or appreciate his behavior/attitutde change because I'm worried about what's going to happend when he breaks my heart again. HELP!!!
2006-08-28 09:00:58 · 20 answers · asked by Cindy, MA 1 in Family & Relationships ➔ Singles & Dating
I actually told him that I needed to move on based on some very good advice I received here. After I told him that he completly changed for the better. Is he being nice because he dosen't want me to dump him?
2006-08-28 09:04:58 · update #1
Love has no secound thoughs mami ... a man who made u cry is not worth your time ! youll be thinking of the all the suffering instead of the minute of happiness mami!
2006-08-28 09:03:55 · answer #1 · answered by Anonymous · 1⤊ 0⤋
He will break your heart again. Don't go back. Do what you can to move on, because in all reality, you are just hurting yourself. If you can't have fun or feel secure, then what is the point of it all? Weather you want to admit that you want to be in a relationship that may lead down the wedding path, you want to be with someone for the long haul. It is obvious in the question that you are asking. It does sound like you love him, but one person loving the other doesn't work out. You will remain the one that gets hurt.
2006-08-28 09:06:08 · answer #2 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
I would seriously consider ending things if you are looking for an exclusive relationship. His not wanting to get married is fine and normal for a relationship, especially if you've only been back together for 5 months, but his not wanting to be in a relationship that might SOMEDAY end up in marriage strikes me as someone who wants to keep his options open. He wants the benefits of having a girlfriend, but the freedom to leave you in the dust without any guilt if something better comes along. If you're feeling the same way, like he is Mr. Right-now, then you might as well stay together. But if you're worried you're getting attached to him it may be easier on you to end things now. If he honestly wants to be with you and has no plans to end things he shouldn't have a problem committing to you.
2006-08-28 09:22:40 · answer #3 · answered by Caroline 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
You can't live like this. You will get ulcers, and never be happy. He's left you before, and only says he loves you when he feels threatened or is drunk. You say things are great, but the way you describe this, it is NOT great.
Get out of this, and find someone who will appreciate you, and who trusts you enough to think that you won't leave him for someone else.
2006-08-28 09:06:24 · answer #4 · answered by crazyperson1972 5 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Your relationship sounds magical. Get real.
Look at the actions. You guys are pretty disfunctional. Move on and wish him well. He only wants you so that no one else can have you. He'll do just enough to stay with you and that's wrong. Wish him nothing but the best, don't talk bad about him and move on. Do the mature thing, Good luck.
2006-08-28 09:06:11 · answer #5 · answered by Ice4444 5 · 0⤊ 0⤋
he told you the first time b/c he was scared of losing you. perhaps it looked like he would lose you anyways, and he didn't want to be the one getting dumped.
the second time, people say i love you in an argument when they are afraid of losing the person, but your dude was drunk, and can't be held to remember what he said.
if you want to be happy, you need to confront him and say that you cannot be in a relationship if he is not going to make up his mind about being with you. no one has to marry their bf/gf. but they should try to make it a personal relationship, and not hurt the one their with b/c they are afraid. they need to face their fears: lose you, or commit.
2006-08-28 09:07:13 · answer #6 · answered by lady of the piano 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
here's the thing I think this guy needs to have a restraining order shoved in his face. But otherwise you need to like totally leave him like for good, i can see he's got some issues! I definitley feel that he does not respect you so you have to move on.
2006-08-28 09:05:51 · answer #7 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
Get a grip. Get a life. Dump the jerk and get a real man. Get your head on straight. Sorry for being so blunt but you know what you should do so do it. Whatever you do don't go back to that looser.
2006-08-28 09:04:29 · answer #8 · answered by dave_83501 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
I think it's time for you to move on. Clearly you don't feel the way you would if you were actually in love with this guy. You feel insecure because you don't know when he's gonna change his mind. If he appreciated you at all, he would've respected you more in the beginning.
2006-08-28 09:04:46 · answer #9 · answered by dimkaluv 6 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Let him go - you deserve better than him. Enjoy life especially with those close to you - not ones that make you miserable or doubful, scared of the situation.
2006-08-28 09:04:08 · answer #10 · answered by Anonymous · 1⤊ 0⤋