I've had a decent relationship with my mother for the most part. We've had our share of ups and downs. Sometimes she provokes me, and I'm unable to control my anger. Therefore, I lash out. Now that I'm 20 years old I need some alone time. It's necessary to recoup throughout the week. However, she follows me down basement (entertainment area), living, family and computer rooms. I know, this is the result of lonliness. Nonetheless, it annoys the hell out of me. I've told her nicely; but she continues to pester me. The only way she'll get the clue is if I cuss her out. It's rude, of course. Yet, I can't watch any of my favorite shows, movies or even talk to my friends without her invading my privacy.
In which way can I approach this situation without hurting her feelings?
2006-08-28 07:56:55 · 14 answers · asked by m_diddy04 2 in Family & Relationships ➔ Family
I have this problem also. I am 20 yrs old and my mother follows me around and treats me like I am still 10 or 11. You are right, it is indeed out of loneliness. My mother was a single mom until I was 13 years old. I was infuriated when she remarried but then I came around (grew up I guess you could say). I was glad she had found someone to spend her life with that way she wouldn't be lonely when I became older. Well, I'm not sure what happened. I was the same as you. I started lashing out just so she would get off my back. That did nothing but make her feel I couldn't stand her and she wanted to spend more time with me than ever. I sat my mom down not too long ago and calmly told her how I felt. I told her she had to realize that I am getting older and I won't be her "little girl" forever. I told her I knew in her eyes I would always be her baby and she would always be my mom. But I am 20 years old, just started a career...we talked about many more things also and it made made us become a lot closer. So my suggestion is you just sit down and explain to your mom how you feel in a calm, orderly fashion. Please re-post and let me know how it goes.
2006-08-28 08:10:49 · answer #1 · answered by .Just.Another.Female. 1 · 1⤊ 0⤋
First of all. Those who anger you -control you! Next never cuss your mom!!! I cannot believe it! She loves you and allows you to live in her home at 20 yrs old and you have the nerve to cuss her1 You have no right or reason to do that-ever! Before you finished your sentence I would have been packing your clothes-dirty ones also and showing you the door! You need to learn the art of converstaion and how to discuss without anger or you will never make it in a relationship. They say you can tell how a man will treat his wife by how he treats his mom! You are not being a very good ad for yourself! You need to move or sign a contract to pay rent and in the contract you should have stipulations that you get private time without guilt or anger becoming an issue by either of you. You could add personal use of the basement at certain hrs on certain days just as you would a roommate. Try to get your mom involved in volunteering or with a club or tutoring kids who need attention! Tell her she has lots of love to give and would be great at helping others. Now the ball is in your court.What will you do?
2006-08-28 08:11:57 · answer #2 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
Weird! I am 20 years old and MY mother completely smothers me!
It is probably the most annoying thing on the planet. I just moved out. Thank God. I think that might be the only solution. I'm not being insensitive, I'm just telling the truth. Mothers like that can never be satisfied. I used to try and spend more and more time with her to make her stop guilt tripping me but it got to the point where I was feeling guilty when I was about to go take a shower. It's ridiculous.
The summer before I left I just made lots of messes and didn't clean them up. I tried to use that as a way for her to not miss me as much when I left lol.
2006-08-28 08:00:23 · answer #3 · answered by Brackalicious 4 · 0⤊ 1⤋
ok, maybe take some time and spend it with her, then go down to the basement. Set her up with some dates. Get a job, get an apartment, move out. Those are the only solutions to the situation.
2006-08-28 08:02:04 · answer #4 · answered by really???? 3 · 3⤊ 0⤋
How about getting your own place?? or worse yet ... sit down have a ten minute conversation with mom and find out what going on with her life. You will be amazed what ten minute of your time can do. She will give you all the privacy in the world you crave!
2006-08-28 08:02:46 · answer #5 · answered by bufanna2 2 · 1⤊ 1⤋
I know this will be embarassing for you, but you should take your mother out to a few social settings in which she can meet people her own age and make a friend, in time hopefully she will meet people her own age and end up with a life of her own so she won't need to keep intruding on yours.
2006-08-28 08:00:55 · answer #6 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 1⤋
Dude, get off your lazy butt and get your own place.
As long as you are living in her home, uder her roof, prbably letting her wash your clothing and cook your food, YOU are a baby and she will continue treating you exactly that way.
Give her a reason to think you are half the man you fatnasize you are. GROW UP.
2006-08-28 08:04:10 · answer #7 · answered by Mimi Di 4 · 0⤊ 1⤋
I am sorry to tell you this but as long as you live with her you must live by her rules. Is your right to privicy worth the rent? If you pay rent, that is a differnt story. Need more info, I have been where you are coming from.
2006-08-28 08:06:32 · answer #8 · answered by Scott B 4 · 0⤊ 1⤋
Just be honest with her...sit her down and say "Mom, I love you but you've got to give me some room and let me have some space.." blah, blah, blah - just reaffirm to her that you DO love her and that this is NOT about something she's doing wrong, rather it's about you growing up & becoming a man...
Good Luck, Marilyn
2006-08-28 07:59:27 · answer #9 · answered by Anonymous · 3⤊ 1⤋
move out or get used to it. It's her home and at 20 years old you need to start moving on with your life.
2006-08-28 07:58:53 · answer #10 · answered by Ice4444 5 · 2⤊ 1⤋