Here is your mission- You have a sister with Borderline Personality Disorder has spent over 50 years avoiding mental health care. After more than 30 years she tries to plan a visit "back home" to a Midwestern city where none of her relatives are intersted in rekindling family ties, none of the old school friends are there anymore and those who are don;t want to see her either. She has very little money and she is waiting for you to invite her to stay with you and for you to drive her around this major city "sightseeing", entertaining her 17 year old son she is dragging along and feeding her for what may turn out to be a two week stay. Do you tell her staright out that she is not welcome? Do you warn the rest fo the family of her possible reign of terror? Do you ignore the calls and emails and hope your silence will sink in and make her stop trying to contact you...
2006-08-28 07:50:58 · 12 answers · asked by Mimi Di 4 in Family & Relationships ➔ Family
Give her an inch, she'll take over your world. Make a stand and tell her if she wants to visit, she needs to rent a car and find her own accomodations.
2006-08-28 08:00:14 · answer #1 · answered by ? 6 · 1⤊ 0⤋
If you can do it, without feeling guilty (which you shouldn't feel!!!) please tell her FLAT OUT that she can not stay with you, and if she comes she'll have to rent a car, as you are simply not able to drive her around. If you don't put your foot down, she will walk all over you, and even if you make up some excuse this time, she will pester you about this again in the future, and you'll have the same problem all over again. If your life thus far has been better with her out of it than it was when she was a part of it, don't let it change. I guarantee that what you forsee to be a 2 week stay will turn into something permanent, as she probably will have no where to go "back" home to. Sometimes being selfish is a good thing.
2006-08-28 07:58:20 · answer #2 · answered by sparkleandme4yrs 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
if you have cut ties with this sister at some point already then don't give her a chance to get back in and cause problems. if she is insistent on visiting, give her the names of some decent hotels in the area and some car rental quotes. that should get the idea that while you are "happy" to have her visit, she is not doing so on your dime or your gas bill. if she does come, do make an effort to have dinner or something like that, but don't allow her to weasel into your household if she is not welcome. if she stays in a hotel, than when her money is gone, she must leave. if she is staying with you, that is not the case. see my point? gl.
addendum - and after so much time away - a two week visit does sound excessive. if she has to stay in a hotel and pay her own way (which she should) than maybe it won't be more than a long weekend. just the right amount of time to see if she is better or can handle her family relationships better.
2006-08-28 07:55:39 · answer #3 · answered by ? 5 · 1⤊ 0⤋
I have a sister that dropped her kids off (my nephews) at her mom's house. A typical day....til she never showed up to pick them up. Now, she calls from an "unidentified" number.... She calls me wanting to talk. I answer, but I tell her that I do not have time to "shoot-the-****". That's great that she wants to call, visit, chat, whatever, but she shouldv'e considered other people's feelings when she vanished, didn't get treatment, abandoned her kids...etc. So....I don't feel bad for putting her off.
2006-08-28 07:57:55 · answer #4 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
i'd say even as the boyfriend and female friend are strolling. one because this is being precise in the front of the action the position the girl chum may get nervous and brake up with you. as appose to even as your watching television and the relative screams your call accessible is one or extra those with the call.
2016-12-05 19:49:31 · answer #5 · answered by ? 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Ignore the calls and end all contact - she sounds like a mess. Don't get involved.
2006-08-28 08:01:41 · answer #6 · answered by Rachel 7 · 0⤊ 0⤋
YES, YES AND YES. You seem to have a grip on reality and need no advice
2006-08-28 07:54:42 · answer #7 · answered by Scott B 4 · 1⤊ 0⤋
She's family. Work it out among your family members so no one is stuck going completely crazy. Even if you don't like her, she's still your blood.
2006-08-28 08:00:19 · answer #8 · answered by Mommymonster 7 · 0⤊ 2⤋
Ignore, she needs to stand on her own and not burden you, we are all struggling.
2006-08-28 07:54:57 · answer #9 · answered by Anonymous · 1⤊ 0⤋
Help anyone who will help themselves. Other than that ignore them.
2006-08-28 07:56:30 · answer #10 · answered by Anonymous · 1⤊ 0⤋