What is the best way to say no, I don't want to meet for food/drinks with several women I hardly know?

Question

My female boss where I work part-time invited me. I am not at all interested in their gossiping, I don't drink, and I'n not crazy about noisy, smoky environments. I expect that when I give my answer ("no") I will hear a lot of pleading, questioning why not, don't you like us, etc. Any easy way for me to get my message across? Thanks!

Answer 1

When people from my job invite me places and I don't want to go I just say I have things to do, sorry.

Answer 2

This is a really difficult situation. I have been in the middle of it many times. I don't like to spend my free time gossiping and drinking either...yet I always seem to get asked to do this! You will hear the whining and pleading and then cajoling. You have to be firm and just say no. If you said you had prior commitments as others have suggested...don't feel bad about lying (I have used this sometimes) I decided that my prior commitments were doing whatever I would normally be doing on that day/

Answer 3

You can get away with declining an invite from the boss once in a while. In the end it will cost you if you constantly refuse. Go, have a nice glass of tea, soda, or other beverage. Just because they drink does not mean you have to. It is more about the socialization and "team building". You can always leave early but you do need to make an effort to be friendly.

Answer 4

It won't get across. You'll be labeled 'anti-social', etc. Many years ago I worked for a company where it was normal to go out for drinks every Thursday after work. I was never interested in going for various reasons & eventually was called these things & left out of many activities, never given the opportunity to participate in other things because it was assumed ahead of time that I would only say no. People don't like truth, they like lies. If I were to make up lies & tell them some horror story of me & alcohol etc. I believe that I would have been treated far differently.

Answer 5

Well, since it IS your boss, be very polite about it. Make up an excuse about how your life is so busy these days that you hardly have time for your family and the friends you already have. Also tell her you have prior plans. After a few times of saying no, she'll get the picture without any hurt feelings.

Answer 6

In a nice way, explain that you don't enjoy that type of environment. Actually, you could say you have an allergy that prevents you form being able to go to smoky environments ...

But I've had similar problems, and it's never easy. You basically have to keep blowing them off over and over. Or you could just suck it up, go once, and maybe it won't be so bad.

Answer 7

Just say you have a previous commitment. But be sure to thank her for asking you.

I too am not one to generally socialize with the folks I work with. However, for what it is worth, here is some advice from someone who has been in the professional world for about 2 decades. Although it might not be your first choice of things to do, a couple of hours in a social situation with your co-workers can go a heckofa long way to your long term office survivability and, unless you make a complete @$$ of yourself, there is little downside. Heck, you might even wind up enjoying yourself.

In short, the good ol' boy network ain't just for good ol' boys anymore...

Answer 8

Ut oh, declining a boss' invitation might be career suicide. If anyone else had invited you, I could give you several ways to bow out gracefully. But the boss -- you may want to put in an appearance for a little while and make the best of it.

Answer 9

Sounds like you pretty anti-social. anyway, just say you have a prior engagement. and if the ask you again you can always claim you are allergic to cig smoke and they may go somewhere else. as for the gossip...well that's what happens when you get a bunch of females working together in a small space. I don't like office gossip either thank goodness i only work with 2 other females at my office and we get along just fine.!

But I do feel your pain with the gossip...2 jobs ago i worked in an all female department (i-veh) in order to make my life at work bearable i had to at least participate in the bi-weekly gathering of clucking hens. Didn't mean i actually participated in the gossip, but i sat and listened and got drunk. *shrug* it worked and my 3 yrs there were somewhat bearable.

Answer 10

This is a GOOD question, as many people are NOT interested in wasting time making small talk. You sound like a lady who knows herself, and shouldn't have to cow tow to your part time boss. Tell her that you do not smoke or drink and do not shine in the bar crowd scene. Thank you for the invite, but "Not thank you."

Answer 11

Say something like I have "class" after work, no one to take care of the kids, I am house sitting for my friend, and then firmly say "maybe another time" You can also go and have 1 drink and say thanks it was fun, usually won't get a second invite if you do that. It shows you did it out of obligation and not really into it. Depends really on how you deal with your boss.