why........?

Question

soo i dont know if this a question or not..but my freiend died a lil over 4 months ago..and one point..we were more than "friends"..but we never dated..and i still think about him alot..and like i have so many regrets bc had more then a few rough times due to some drama that one of our other friends caused btw us..and i not got to really aplogize..but the last time i seen him we acted like nothing had ever gone wrong..so why cant i get over this..i still wonder if he knew how sorry i was for all the drama..wich i mean if he was cool with the last we spoke im sure he was over it..but why cant i get over it..why do i think him so often?

Answer 1

The most important thing to remember is that you lost a friend, and regardless of the circumstances, that is a very sad and painful thing. It's ok to think about him - that's part of the grieving process.

The guilt you feel, all mixed up with the sorrow you feel, are very natural. This is often called "survivor's guilt" and it just means that you may feel bad that you're alive and he's not. The guilt might be even stronger because you didn't have one of those perfect, movie-like endings where you get to say goodbye and say how much you care about each other. You were his friend and he wanted to spend time with you even after the falling out, so he forgave you and cared about you and that's what you have to remember.

As time goes by you'll be able to think about him (the good times) without always being tormented by the fact that he's gone. This can take months or years and it's different for each person. It helps to have friends or family you can talk to about this, but if not, try a priest or rabbi or local social worker. Recovering from the loss of a friend is not a straight line - it's not like recovering from a cold where each day you're a little better until you're back to normal -- dealing with grief means that you may have good days or bad days or a whole week when you don't think about him and then something will remind you that he's gone and you start to cry. All of this is ok -- just don't torture yourself with thoughts about what you could have or would have done - if your friend really cared about you, he wouldn't want you to make yourself miserable. If you made mistakes, forgive yourself. Finally, and maybe most importantly, learn from this experience -- if you do, you're friend will be with you always. How do you learn: two steps: first, if you can forgive yourself, forgive those around you when they make their mistakes. We're all human. Everytime you forgive someone your departed friend will smile down on you. Second, never ever let anyone special you care about walk away from you without telling them exactly how important they are to you.
Best of luck.

Answer 2

I'm really sorry for your loss. We don't miss a lot of things until they are gone. At least things ended on a good note between the two of you. Focus on that. Time will allow you to get over this. Maybe you can get a journal and write down how you feel. This is a good way to let your feelings out without having to actually tell someone. After you start to feel better you can get rid of the journal to prevent others from seeing it. Maybe you have a close friend that you can share your problem with. The best thing to do is to let your feelings out.

Answer 3

You can find grief support groups everywhere they are just hiding. trust me I know from lot's of experience. In these groups they have a group leader who will tell the stages of grief. It's very helpful to learn them all and then hear how other people feel and the things they have gone through losing a loved one. Everything you think and are going through is normal. I've been in grief support for four years after watching my mother and 4 year old son killed. I tried to search for just a normal councillor after my father committed suicide and my boyfriend died in a car accident but they didn't help as much as actual grief support. unfortunately you will never really get over it! You will just learn how to live without him. Please even if you are not interested in grief support try to find the stages of grief... it will make you feel a bit more normal... the only ones I can think of right now are Denial, Anger, Regrets the last one is acceptance... it's been 4 years for me and I still have not reached the last step.

Answer 4

Don't worry you will get over it. I had 4 friends die while I was in high school, all of which were tragic deaths. Time is the best healer. I am sure that he would rather not have you worry about the "drama" and instead think of the good times you had together.

Answer 5

Sudden death is very traumatic...especially to friends, family and loved ones. Your feelings are normal. You must, however focus your thoughts on the positive. Think of the times you laughed and had fun together instead. You cannot bring back any unfortunate events that occurred between you so remember him as you loved him and let that redeem you.

Answer 6

It's perfectly natural for you to think about him and the desire to wish that you had apologized. There is no normal set time for a person to stop grieving or regretting. When you are ready you'll notice one day that you haven't though about him for awhile and that's normal too. Eventually you will only think of him when something in particular reminds you of him. All of that is normal. Life continues...

Answer 7

well you care for him alot thats why you think of him but he knows ur are sorry if he didnt he wouldnt of acted like he was cool with ya so u guys were fine and dont think of the "what ifs" it will drive you crazy. It takes time to get over someone who dies that you were very close to but time will ease your pain. just hang in there and think of him but dont think of the bad times just think of the times that you had fun with him and think of funny things that you guys did. what i am trying to say is think of the happy time not the time bad times all friends argue and just bc he died doesnt mean he didnt know that you were sorry about that he knew b4 he died that you were sorry. He knows that you were sorry. so just think of the happy times and grieve.Please try not to think of the "what ifs"
and i am sorry for your loss i bet he was a great frind
i hope this helps you

Answer 8

i'm sure he knows everything you probably need some closure try sitting alone in your room and talk to him just because he is not there or you can't see him doesn't mean he can not hear you or feel what you feel just try it it will help
i lost my sister when i was 16 and the last thing i said to her was i hated her because she stole my brush for a long time i always felt i was sorry and never got the chance to tell her but my grams told me to just talk to her i had no idea what she was talking about but one day i felt alone so i decided to talk to her it did help still to this day i talk to her and ask her advice it does help it may sound stupid but once you do it you will feel better

Answer 9

Whatever you are feeling or thinking, he knows. I beat myself up over a bf of mine that passed, the last time I talked to him he wanted me to come visit him and I said I didn't have time. I felt so bad about telling him that, but I know now that he knew I cared about him and that I'm sorry. Find your inner peace with it girl, and good luck.

Answer 10

You really need to let it go because there's nothing you can do about it and it's not good for you to keep dwelling on it.
It might help if you sat down and wrote him a long letter & got all your feelings out. But don't hold on to it after you write it because you will just keep reading it and being reminded of him.