Child Diary Poll - 11 years old - What would you do?

Question

My daughter's father read her diary without her permission. He is now holding against her a comment she wrote about him. He actually used the comment she said as an excuse not to come see her for a while. (The comment was because he broke yet another promise to her and she was upset.)
I am interested in knowing:
A.Would you read your child's diary without permission?
B.If you found something unsavory about yourself, would you confront your child, or assume you shouldn't have read it in the first place?
C.Barring a life-or-death situation (ie. suicide or drugs) would you even admit to your kid that you snooped through their personal stuff?

Thanks for your help..my daughter has tried everything to work out a relationship with this deadbeat and I just need honest input ..because I feel he is using this as yet another excuse not to work on their relationship.

Thanks to everybody for their input on this matter..I let my daughter read these answers and she feels better to have so many people's support.

Answer 1

Not surprising. Many fathers have walked, uncerimoniously, out of their children's relationship. Leave the pops behind and move on. Your daughter has done nothing to deserve such an escuse from her father, he obviously doesn't want any responsability in taking care of her. That, or he just was looking for a reason why he treated his daughter as he does. As for her diary, if a parent suspected that the pages contained evidence that their child was doing anything harmful then they have every right TO BE CONCERNED ABOUT IT but not the right to invade the child's privacy. In an incident where a parent felt that, that would be the only way of finding something out, then they should be fully prepared to come upon 'eye-openers' or things their child would confide to no one else. Nothing should be held against the child for releasing stress. Keeping a journal or diary is a way of releasing that and if the child feels their one outlet is being watched then everything is at jeperdy. They might feel they have to hold it inside themself to keep their thoughts secret. The magical thing about a diary is that(this may not apply to everyone) once you've written something down, something like hatred or regret, you can forget about it. Think of the line you would be crossing if you invaded a person's mind an reprimanded them for their thoughts...think how that would make someone feel.

Answer 2

A. No I would not read my child's diary without permission. That is their own personal thoughts and nobody has a right to read them except the child.
B. I wouldn't confront my child in a direct way. I might ask her if she thought such and such about me. Then I'd feel guilty about reading the diary in the first place.
C. I would not admit to my child that I had snooped through their things because the moment they find out that their parents have done something like this, they lose all trust and sometimes it may take a while for the parents to gain it back. Trust is precious. Especially, in young children.

Answer 3

A) YES I would read it if circumstances really called for it. Reading your child's diary is ok, just don't be surprised by what you may find. B)If it can be fixed, try to do it w/o being obvious. Lives prob have been saved by snooping parents, so until they are on their own, I truly see no privacy issues violated. Mostly it depends on your relationship anyway. You should only read it as a last resort if problems are there.
C. No, probably I wouldn't broadcast that I read it. But make it plain in the first place that openness and honesty are best.

It does sound like he is making excuses, but if she is willing, there is nothing wrong with continuing to try to mend the relationship.

Answer 4

When I was about 13 years old, my mother would go snooping through my room while I was at school to see if she could find anything interesting. One time, at least the one time she admitted to me, she found and read my diary. It was hidden inside my box-spring, so she must have really been snooping. I don't think I had written anything in it about her, but I had been up to some "bad" things (fooling around with boys, smoking pot) and she confronted me about it. These were not the only things in the journal, in fact, that was just a few paragraphs. The rest were personal observations, feelings, etc. I didn't really care that she found out this stuff, it hurt me more that she went through my personal belongings and then held my private thoughts against me, and now I felt like she was in my head, where no one, not even my mother, had a right to be. I went home and destroyed all my diaries, and to this day I am super paranoid about writing any of my thoughts down, for fear someone will read them and use them against me. To this day I really regret destroying those books, as it would have given me something to look back on and relive memories of youth. To this day, I still cannot trust her. When she comes over to baby-sit, I lock the bedroom door, put anything that she might snoop through that's in other parts of the house away, and turn off the computer and password protect it. It sounds extreme, but everyone is entitled to thoughts of their own, and the thought of a grown woman snooping through her grown daughter's possessions is sad, but I can see it happening. If my mother was worried about me, or thought I was doing something hurtful, she could have approached me and asked me about it, she didn't have to stoop that low. So she lost a bit of my trust eternally. So, in answer to your question: No. I will never read my daughter's diary, and I will encourage her to write one. I will even buy her a lock and key if she doesn't feel comfortable leaving it around the house. If I did read it, and found something unsavory about myself, I would be hurt, yes, but I would never mention it, for the humiliation of reading her personal thoughts, and because I would realize that it was probably written in a moment of intense emotion, and not meant as an all encompassing statement about that way she feels for me.

Answer 5

It depends if i had really good reason or really thought my child was getting into things they shouldn't i would probably read there diary. As far as holding comments they made about me or anyone personally no everyone has there little secrets and a diary is her way of venting. The only time i would confront them about anything in there diary is if they were into something really really serious like the drugs, wrong crowd, sex things like that

Answer 6

I don't have a child but I can tell you that if I did I wouldn't read her diary unless I thought she was in trouble and I couldn't find out any other way. If I read it and found something like that about me written in there I would never say anything about it. Instead I would try my hardest to do things to change her opinion of me, like, never breaking another promise to her upon pain of death. Otherwise I'd never say anything to her about reading her diary and I'd try to place more trust in her in the future.

Sound like this guy needs to grow up and place her feelings first for a change. Instead of changing her opinion of him for the better he's only making things worse. Maybe she'd be better off leaving him alone for awhile until he can think responsibly about what he did.

Answer 7

I believe the only time you should consider reading your child's diary is if you are truly concerned about them and they will not talk to anyone.
IF i did read my child's dairy and i found something she said about me and was upset i would not let her know about it because a dairy is suppost to be the only true place you can put all your thoughts and feeling into and not have to worry about the consequences of anyone finding out.
I think that the deadbeat is truly wrong for what he is doing and maybe it is best that he is not seeing her you don't want his deadbeat ways to rub off

Answer 8

We all say things we don't mean when we're mad......no matter our age. He should understand this. It's too bad he's acting like a child himself. Maybe a break will be better then forcing a relationship. Explain to her that she did nothing wrong.....it's okay to vent. He is wrong to be so hurtful. As for snooping,,,,,,if you snoop (as all parents have at least once) keep it to yourself....or the trust will be gone. If there is no trust, most likely she won't turn to you when she needs help.

Answer 9

The truth hurts and maybe he really needed to hear what she felt. Children have an unconditional love for their parents and especially parents that are not around much to protect their feelings. I think what he did was wrong, she deserves some privacy. Explain that it is her dads place to come to her and either work it out, or he can sit and pout about it and miss out on her growing up. She will understand it more after she grows up. Give her time but explain to her that her dad needs to make the next productive move.

Answer 10

If my parents were to ever read my diary I wouldn't trust them and would feel the need to lock my possessions up. If they did read I would hope they would have enough intelligence to act as if they didn't. On the other hand if i was showing signs that i was getting myself into trouble, drugs suicide etc, i would honestly hope that someone would step in even though I would be mad at first.