How do I deal with my frustration?

Question

The stress of having a crappy marriage & a newborn & a preschooler is getting to me! I am trying so hard not to take things out on my 2-year-old, but it's HARD not to when she is whiny or wakes the baby...

Answer 1

Don't take it out on your child. YOu need an outlet. see if you can afford a babysitter for an hour every week to go see a therapist. they can help you deal with your frustration and anger, and they can help you work through your issues with your marriage.

having an infant and a 2 year old is NEVER EASY for any woman, but tack on a bad marriage, and you've got too much to handle.

if you don't want to see a therapist, get your 2 year old into nursery school to get you a break from all that energy. Ask your parents to take the kids one night a week, so you have a break from them AND you can spend some time with your husband working through your marriage problems and maybe pulling that back together for you.

BEST OF LUCK, and try to keep your cool. Remember, your kids are just being kids, don't take your stress out on them, it may hurt them for life!!

Answer 2

Things do get better as far as the children go. It seems impossible when you're in the middle of it all - but it will improve. Have you tried to involve the 2 year old in caring for the little one? Giving her little jobs - fetching and carrying items for the baby...? Letting her help you feed the baby etc.... Might remove some of her jealousy at that age.
As for the crappy marriage... try and make time for yourself when you leave the children with your husband. Then try and make time when you both take 'time out' from the children. Get a babysitter in - or a neighbour... just for a couple of hours. Try and remember why you loved each other. Good luck

Answer 3

When at all possible, try and get away from the kids for a little while, even just for a couple of hours. If you have a friend or neighbor that you trust, ask them to help out. Also, talk to a counslelor or friend about the marriage thing; it is hard enough to deal with 2 kids in a good marriage, and if you are that unhappy, you need to think about options. If you ever feel like you are tempted to take it out on your 2 year old by yelling hurtful things or physical abuse, GET HELP IMMEDIATELY!! It is normal to be stressed, and you sound like you care about your kids, but it is never OK to mentally or physically abuse a child. I'm not saying you would, but it does get hard sometimes, and we all need a little help

Answer 4

Sounds like you got it bad mate! It's hard for me to advise without sounding patronising. If I was you I would deal with the crappy marriage issue first- 2 yr olds are gunna be a pain in the butt and newborns are demanding at the best of times ( I am about to give birth and I also have a 2 yr old, not looking forward to it!!) I don't know what makes your marriage bad but have you tried talking to him? I know that sounds lame but if it that bad what have you got to lose? What about your health visitor/ midwife? I know what you mean about not taking it out on your 2 yr old, I am finding the stress of late pregnancy hard with mine always demanding and throwing tantrums. Like I said, try speaking to your man or get a sitter and take some time out for yourself? Good luck x

Answer 5

OK, I am a male father of 3 so understand that this is from a males viewpoint. First, I undestand the frustration. Life changes a lot from being single, to married, to being a mother. I have watched my wife struggle at times with the kids and their behavior. The best suggestion I can make is to find ways to seperate yourself emotionally from the kids behavior, and take time for you to be peaceful. You need a break from time to time when you are not a mother - but just a person. Also take heart because there will be better seasons of life, and you are in a tough one right now. Take the long view and know that as they grow, things will get easier...

Answer 6

Mommy Kai, what you need is a bit of a break. I've been through this myself. Time outs aren't just for kids. Marriage is tough, being a mom is tough, being a mom with 2 little ones is really tough when you don't have a good support system. Call a friend, call a family member, call someone from your church and ask any 1 of them if they could give you a hand, even if just to sit with the kids for 1/2 an hour so you can get some air.

It's easy to get overwhelmed. You need to look after yourself. You need a break, your hubby probably needs one, too.

Answer 7

Do you think you could possibly be suffering from postpartum depression? Sorry, I don't mean to sound like a man blaming your problems on your hormones, but they might not be making things any easier right now.

I would strongly suggest some marriage-counseling. If your husband isn't willing, then go alone. It might help you put things in perspective - or at the very least be able to vent so you aren't taking it out on your pre-schooler, who may be sensing the tension and feeling left out with the newborn baby.

Your OB may be able to recommend a counselor for you. Good luck.

Answer 8

Take it out on your husband, thats what my wife does.

You just had a baby so your hormones are going a little bonkers right now, and your life probably seems worse than it is. Keep your chin up, I just looked at your 360 and at the very least you have two cute kids (and are cute yourself.) Things will get better, just try to take it one hour at a time. Make small goals for yourself and give yourself something wehn you achieve these goals.

Good luck and congrats on the new baby!

Answer 9

I know exactly what you are going through. My fiance is being a crappy father and a crappy fiance right now. My daughter is teething and my sister's three year old just moved in with us!!! When is get really frustrated and can't take it anymore, I put the youngest in the crib and take the three year old out side to play. I sit on the porch and watch her play for five minutes and just breath.

Answer 10

aw bummer, sorry to hear it. try to get some time to yourself. raising kids is extremely stressful, let alone having a difficult partner.

when i just cant get away, i plug into my ipod and listen to music or a guided meditation. earphones are a beautiful thing. it may seem silly, but it's actually quite practical.

also, get back to or take up a hobby or project you enjoy. making some sort of progress on something for yourself is a real pick-me up and can renew your sense of purposefulness. could be something like making jewelry for xmas presents or starting a business from home that helps you actually escape ;)

hang in there!