I recently found out my 14year old daughter and two of her girl friends snuck out of the house. I am very involved with my kids and know where they are 24/7 and feel like they can talk to me pretty openly. But, with my 14 year old looking like shes 21 I can be a little strict. She was supposed to be staying all night with this girl(which is from a very good home with good morals) The girls had some guy friends take them to a party and drank. While we thought they were in bed asleep. She is grounded. She has no cell phone, house phone and computer privilages. I truely think she is sorry and wont do it again-but, I have been checking her computer-voicemail and stuff to find out anything else she hasn't old me. I remember being a teen and snuck out a time or two-but not this young. This world is different from when I was a teen 20yrs ago! I see the things going on in this world today with drugs, sex, drinking and it really scares me. We are from a small town with nothing to do-ANY ADVISE
2006-08-28 06:54:29 · 13 answers · asked by ROOTER 2 in Family & Relationships ➔ Family
I can really empathize with you. We had problems with our youngest daughter. She started doing things behind our back that were dangerous when she started high school. We would find out, ground her for a few months, take away her phone and computer. Then when she was off grounding she would go right back to the same antisocial things. Her friends came from "good homes" too. We had her in therapy and she fooled the therapists. We found out she smoked pot, took ecstasy, took triple C and was drinking. She was out of control. The last straw was when we got a call from the emergency room. She was drunk in school. Her blood alcohol level was almost enough to kill her. She was kicked out of school in her sophomore year. So we put her in an outpatient teenage drug rehab program for a year, she was not allowed to see any of her old friends and she did home schooling. Our other kids went K-12 in a private Christian School and we did not have problems with them whatsoever. This one wanted to go to public high school so we had let her and it was like throwing her into a pool of sharks.
That was about two years ago and she has made an incredible turn around. We moved out of state to get a fresh start and she is finishing high school in a public school. She is an honor student and is honest and real with us. She has concrete plans for her future, has good friends with good values. It is a crazy world out there and you really have to watch your children carefully. I think kids should not be allowed to spend the night at other people's houses when they become teenagers. They can't find a way to get to those parties if they are home in their own bed. It is a game of cat and mouse but for there own safety you have to minimize the risk by pulling in the reins on their privileges the minute they start exhibiting this rebelliousness. They will tell you they are sorry but they don't really mean it. I went to the parents meetings during her rehab and I found out a lot that I did not know about what is going on with drugs in this day and age. It is pretty frightening. Kids die every day from kids fooling around and overdosing on poison. And if they don't die they lose their valuable brains. You can't live in a bubble and isolate them completely but you have to be astute and watch carefully for any signs of substance abuse
2006-08-28 07:28:05 · answer #1 · answered by SunFun 5 · 2⤊ 0⤋
That is something I worry about every day. I am going to be a mom soon and I don't want to be the mean parent, but at the same time you have to be protective and show them that what they think is right, is definately wrong. Even though deep down she knows she did wrong, it will be a lesson learned the hard way and if she is smart enough to learn from her mistakes, it will make her life more happier if she listens to her parents and ignores her "so called friends". As long as my kids are living in my house, I get FULL INVESTIGATION !!! We'll see how that goes though....kid's not here yet...lol! Good luck and don't feel bad about disciplining her, she knows you care and she will look back at the day she ever snuck out and say "why? oh why?" ;P
2006-08-28 07:07:39 · answer #2 · answered by ckalmaoui 2 · 1⤊ 0⤋
Keep up the good work Mom. It's like when she was a newborn...will it ever stop? No. But your dilegence paid off in the begining, the feeding and diapering...and now she feeds and potties on her own. Now you have a new diligence. However you do have a new advantage...reasoning. Try the "what could happen next" game. If I put this glass of milk on the table and then a wild racoon snuk in through the doggie door....what could happen? Not only would the milk get spilled but everything int he house could get torn up! And you betcha I'll be watching that doggie door!
Good girls are only good when they are kept close.
2006-08-28 07:04:22 · answer #3 · answered by Anonymous · 4⤊ 1⤋
wow haha sounds similar to what i was going through the other day.
except, i'm the 14 year old.
i left....i didn't do anything bad, but when i was coming back in my mom was up and i'm grounded for a month. no nothing, i'm actually at school right now, thats how i'm on here.
my mother doesn't believe me when i tell her that i wasn't gone anywhere bad, and so i think shes been trying to hack into my email and has been going through my things at home.
from being in a similar situation as your daughter, trust her. i know i'm telling my mother the truth but she suspects the worst no matter what i tell her.
2006-08-28 07:36:29 · answer #4 · answered by Princess Skullface 2 · 1⤊ 0⤋
YOU ARE THE MOM, NOT THE BEST FRIEND. YOU CAN'T PARENT OUT OF FEAR OR NEED TO BE POPULAR. KEEP CHECKING UP ON HER TO SEE IF THE LESSONS YOU TEACH HER ARE STICKING. YOU HAVE THAT RIGHT.
LITTLE GIRLS THINK THEY HAVE THE EMOTIONAL MATURITY AND CAPACITY TO UNDERSTAND AND MAKE ADULT DECISIONS. THEY DON'T.
NEXT TIME SHE DOES IT, CALL THE COPS AND HAVE THEM SCARE THE DAYLIGHTS OUT OF HER. SIT HER DOWN AND MAKE HER TELL YOU WHY SHE DID IT. DON'T LET HER TURN IT AROUND AND MAKE IT YOUR FAULT.
PEOPLE ONLY LIE FOR TWO REASONS 1-THEY ARE ASHAMED OF THEIR POOR CHOICES, AND 2-BECAUSE THEY FEEL LIKE THEIR CHOICES ARE SOMEONE ELSE'S FAULT.
KEEP TAKING HER FREEDOM AND PRIVELEGES AWAY FOR NOT BEING TRUSTWORTHY. START GIVING HER MORE RESPONSIBILITY SLOWLY, AND MAKE HER EARN HER PRIVELEGES BACK.
MAKE HER GET UP SUPER-EARLY AND DO CHORES, SO SHE WILL BEGIN TO VALUE A GOOD NIGHT'S SLEEP. SHOW HER THE VALUE OF RESPONSIBILITY AND TIME MANAGEMENT.
EVENTUALLY, YOU WILL FEEL LIKE CHECKING UP ON HER LESS, WHEN SHE STARTS PROVING THAT SHE IS TRUSTWORTHY....
2006-08-28 07:18:12 · answer #5 · answered by pandora the cat 5 · 2⤊ 0⤋
Ok, if i found out my mom did that i would feel so violated.....the one thing teenagers like is there privacy....I mean if you violate their privacy they feel like you don't trust them.....but in this situation you shouldn't because now you can't trust her because she lied to you....Yes the world today is so messed up its not even funny....usually if she hasn't told you she doesn't want you to know but respect that because if she feels like you understand and aren't trying to be nosey she might just tell you herself....teenagers make mistakes that is what they do.........but parents don't want them to make mistakes.....but since they do atlest they learn from them......just talk to your daughter ask her questions....but try to keep your distance and give her some privacy she is fourteen......she might not know everything about life but she does know enough.......just trust her.......and be open with her........and ask her if she feels like she can talk to you about anything......since she has nothing to do already taking all those things away will only make it worse but that is her punishment and she has to learn from her mistakes.....try having family game night.....play life or clue or something buy things they can do outside stuff they are interested in.......that way they have something to do.....good luck............:)
2006-08-28 07:08:05 · answer #6 · answered by Pisce-Pegasus 7 · 1⤊ 1⤋
Negotiate with her. Tell her that she can go to parties, as long as she promises to not drink. Make sure that you know the address of the party, even though you should NEVER go there unless your daughter CALLS YOU to pick her up. You need to be friends with your daughter, not enemies.
If you tell a teen that they can't have something, they will do almost anything to get it--they will want it more.
2006-08-28 07:05:58 · answer #7 · answered by Anonymous · 1⤊ 2⤋
i am 19 and i had done stuff like this alot when i was about her age..i had a g.f that did the same thing when i was 16. In MY opinion as a young person, keep up with the reinforcement, if she sees that you are serious about kickin her butt if she does it again she will think twice before she does do it again...not saying that she WONT but she will at least think..hmmm..if mom catches me then i lose it all..you know what i mean? good luck
2006-08-28 07:02:34 · answer #8 · answered by createdbydefault 2 · 1⤊ 2⤋
No matter what keep talking to her. It is natural for her to want to experience life. The best thing is to stick to what you are doing.
2006-08-28 07:01:27 · answer #9 · answered by squashpatty 4 · 2⤊ 0⤋
you've already lost controll. back off or else she'll push away even harder. you arent as involved in your kids life as you think.
2006-08-28 07:01:33 · answer #10 · answered by Anonymous · 1⤊ 2⤋