I recently got married and my husband is from the uk,and well be moving to the uk when his work contract finishes in nov. Since his father died 2 years ago (before we met) he assumed the mortgage payments and all the bills but his mother still lives there.Ive only been to uk once for 2 weeks last year and she seems like a nice person.The only thing is Im a neat freak and the house seemed messy and im big on decoratiing and im not crazy about the way the house is at all but i havent said anything to my husband because thats where my question comes is it my place to change things even though my husband owns the house.He would never ask his mom to move out shes elderly and hes really close with her,I wouldnt ask him 2 anyway but how can i go about changing things without offending her>I dont want her to think that ive come to be pushy andy bossy after all i just married into the family or do i have certain privelages?
2006-08-28 06:53:48 · 15 answers · asked by First L 1 in Pregnancy & Parenting ➔ Parenting
never be mean to old people, the only thing they have to look forward to is death. taking care of an elderly person is not much different than taking care of a child. although your husband has taken over paying the mortage , theat house is full of memories of the time she apent with her husband, and he is gone now. she need to get used to the factt that he is gone. she may want to change things around so that she is not so sad, but you should discuss this with her. ask her if you can decorate with a few things from your home to make things feel moore homely. she may want to help you.
2006-08-28 07:01:28 · answer #1 · answered by Pussycat 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
I would talk to your husband about how you are feeling. It has been her house and it is decorated in the way that she and her husband felt fit; unfortunately her husband isn't around any more. Now your husband and you pay the bills on the house, however it is still a touchy situation. As far as cleaning goes I do not think that there would be a problem with you doing it. When it comes to wanting to redecorate I would suggest making sure that your mother in-law has a place set aside for her belongings so that she can feel at home and surrounded by her memories. You and your new husband are making a life together and that means some things are going to have to change. You have a right to TACTFULLY decorate the place as you see fit. I wouldn't go about it all at once. It is going to take you all a while to get used to living with one another. I would change things slowly. First clean the place then add bits and pieces slowly till eventually it looks they way you want. If the home is in desperate need or repair then you could use that to your advantage to change paint colors etc. Talk with your husband and make sure he understands that you are eager to start you life together and create a place where you both can share memories. Good luck!
2006-08-28 07:16:52 · answer #2 · answered by Anela 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Earn her affection and respect before you start making your personal desires an issue. Be her daughter and friend. It doesn't matter that your husband is making payments for her, this is the home she has known and lived in with her spouse for a long time...it is her home regardless. If you want things neat and tidy, just help with dishes, vacuuming, etc. She will think you are being helpful and that you don't want to be a burden. She will want you to feel at home, just give it some time.
2006-08-28 07:06:02 · answer #3 · answered by smecky809042003 5 · 0⤊ 0⤋
same story, because i love my husband i accepted to live in his house where his mother lives. But we put a lot of our time and money to make the house beautiful. i thought she will be happy living in a beautiful house. even she choose to have her own studio inside the house. i was proud when neighbors come and say how lovely the house became. i didn't understand that it was hurting her. instead of being proud of her son and daughter in law, she became jealous. And i understood that in the harder way. we were close friends before all this. now we don't have anymore anything to say to each other, even a good morning...i wonder if i made a huge mistake by living with her...i could buy a new home and live in peace...
2006-08-28 07:05:36 · answer #4 · answered by ? 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
try not to panic too much... take it as it comes... wait till you ge there and see what happens, how the house is and all...
dont stress out too much about it now as you will work yourself up...
when you get there see what the state of the house is like and have a chat to your husband how it might be nice to do a few things around the house to jazz it up...
see what he thinks, he would probably love the idea especially if it is a bit run down... he might then be able to tell her...
but dont panic about it now... she might love the idea of a renovation and you have worried yourself over nothing
at the same time she may want a say in it all so you might want to get some ideas before you tell her
2006-08-28 15:19:39 · answer #5 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
I wouldn't just go in and start redecorating. Myabe she just isn't able to keep up with the cleaning like she used to, so go ahead and help out. As for the redecorating, maybe just do your bedroom first. Even though your husband owns the house, it is still your mother in laws home.
2006-08-28 07:00:08 · answer #6 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
I would just talk to her about it, maybe she wants to change the house too. It takes time getting over the death of a loved one so volunteer to do it yourself but have her input and take her suggestions seriously after all its been her house all along and you have to live with her and remember if it wasn't for her you wouldn't have your husband. Its good you don't want to offend her..
2006-08-28 07:01:43 · answer #7 · answered by Sky 5 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Talk to her privately and ask her if she'd mind if you changed a thing or two and get her advice (even if you don't follow it). Getting her and your husband involved shows you value their input and also will get you freedom to change the home....hopefully.
And if it's a family home, and it's been that way for years, then I don't think you should change it at all............not without both of their consent.
2006-08-28 06:59:11 · answer #8 · answered by GirlinNB 6 · 0⤊ 0⤋
First of all if its your house, you don't have to ask. You can do all the re-decorating you want. THe way you describe your family though is kinda like everbody loves raymond, anything like that? I hope not. If it were I would take charge and tell her face out that its my house and i'm in charge.
2006-08-28 19:14:45 · answer #9 · answered by jrealitytv 6 · 0⤊ 0⤋
I think you should just talk to her and tell her you want to fix up the house if you are changing things for the better then she shouldnt mind, just tell her that you want to help out, see how it goes
2006-08-28 06:58:29 · answer #10 · answered by LUCKYGIRL 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋