Be as crude as you want! Best answer for the one that shocks me!
2006-08-28 06:20:10 · 12 answers · asked by preston_raver 1 in Entertainment & Music ➔ Jokes & Riddles
Female Compassion ~
A man was sitting on a blanket at the beach.
He had no arms and no legs.
Three women were walking past and felt sorry for the poor man.
The first woman said: "Have you ever had a hug?"
The man said: "No," so she gave him a hug and walked on.
The second woman said: "Have you ever had a kiss?"
The man said: "No," so she gave him a kiss and walked on.
The third woman walked over to him and whispered in his ear:
"Have you ever been f****d?"
The fellow looked up in amazement and said "No"
She smiled and said: "You will be when the tide comes in!"
2006-08-28 10:50:53 · answer #1 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
A man with a bald head and a wooden leg is invited to a fancy dress party.
He doesn't know what to wear to hide his head and his wooden leg so he
writes to a fancy dress company to explain his problem. A few days later he
receives a parcel with a note:
Dear Sir, Please find enclosed a pirate's outfit.
The spotted handkerchief will cover your bald head and with your wooden leg
you will be just right as a Pirate.
The man thinks this is terrible because they emphasized his disability, so
he writes a letter of complaint.
A week passes and he received another parcel.
Dear Sir, Sorry about the previous parcel. Please find a monk's habit. The
long robe will cover your wooden leg and with your bald head you will really
look the part.
The man is extremely furious now, because the company has gone from
emphasizing his wooden leg to drawing attention to his bald head. So he
writes a really rude letter of complaint. A few days later he gets a very
small parcel from the company with an accompanying letter:
Dear Sir, Please find enclosed a tin of Golden Syrup.
Pour the tin of Golden Syrup over your bald head, stick your wooden leg up
your **** and go as a toffee apple.
2006-08-28 13:25:40 · answer #2 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
A man walks into a bar one afternoon and says to the manager, "I see your sign 'Piano player needed,' and I want you to know I'm your man.
I packed them in down there at the Cadillac Club until the IRS shut the place down.
Not only that, I write ALL my own material so you won't ever have to worry about paying royalties to ASCAP or BMI."
"You see the piano." said the manager, "Play me a tune."
The piano player rocked out with a boogie-woogie that had the manager stomping his feet.
"That was great," he said, "What do you call it?"
"I call it 'Let me **** you in the *** Until your Hemorrhoids Bleed!'" said the pianist.
"Well," said the manager, "uh....that certainly is an unusual name for a song. Let's hear another one."
The piano player played a haunting melody that brought tears to the manager's eyes it was so beautiful. "What do you call that tune?" said the manager.
"I call it 'Open your Mouth Wide and Swallow it ALL When I Come.'" said the pianist.
The manager replied, "Your playing is great, and I'd like to hire you, but would you be terribly offended if I asked you not to announce the titles to your compositions?"
"Not at all," replied the pianist, "You pay, I'll play."
That evening, the crowd went wild when the piano player did his first set.
When they finally let him take a break, he rushed to the john for a long overdue piss.
On the way out, one of the patrons button-holed him and said, "Wow! you play great!! But tell me, do you know your fly's open and your penis is hanging out?"
"Know it? HELL...I wrote it!"
2006-08-28 13:26:39 · answer #3 · answered by Just_A_Boy 4 · 0⤊ 1⤋
A fleeing Taliban, desperate for water, woz plodding through the Afghanistan desert when he saw something in the distance.
Hoping to find water, he walked towards the objest, only to find an old Jewish man at a small stall selling neckties.
The Taliban asked, "Do you have water?"
The Jewish man replied, "I have no water. Would you like to buy a tie? They are only $5"
Tha Arab shouted, "IDIOT JEW!! Isreal should not exist!! I DONT need an overpriced tie! I need water! I should kill you, but I must find water first."
"OK," said the Jew, "it doesnt matter that you dont want to buy a tie and that you hate me. I will show you that i am bigger than that. If you continue over that hill to the east for about 2 miles, you will find a lovely restaurant. It has all the water you need. Shalom!
Muttering, the Arab staggered away over the hill. Several hours later he staggered back.
"Your Brother won't let me in without a tie!"
Funny eh????
hahahahahahahahahahahahahahaha
!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
hehehehehehehehehehehehehehehe
!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
lol lol lol lol lol lol lol lol lol lol lol lol lol lol
!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
2006-08-28 14:50:39 · answer #4 · answered by x~orlaith~babii~x 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Sorry folks you wanted to be shocked!
Two pedo's walking by a school and one say's to the other I bet she looked good when she was younger.
2006-08-29 10:08:16 · answer #5 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
Gwhahahahaahahaahahahahahahahahaha!!!! Cough hack!
2006-08-28 14:16:59 · answer #6 · answered by Kevin H. 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Q: What's the hardest part of a vegetable to eat?
A: The wheelchair.
2006-08-28 13:25:07 · answer #7 · answered by anonymous_dave 4 · 1⤊ 1⤋
What's the difference between Northern women and Southern women?
Northern women say "Yes you can."
Southern women say "Yes Y'all can"
2006-08-28 13:48:57 · answer #8 · answered by Drunk365 7 · 0⤊ 0⤋
sex is just like mathematics.
you minus the clothes add the bed divide your legs, leave your solution and hope you dont multiply
2006-08-28 13:28:19 · answer #9 · answered by horsiluva 1 · 0⤊ 1⤋
Say this real fast: We todd it, we todd it, I'm sofa king, we todd it lol
2006-08-28 13:31:12 · answer #10 · answered by ♥Loving*Steph♥ 2 · 0⤊ 2⤋