Ok.. my boyfriend is fat. Ive made many very clear hints to lose the weight. Ive made bets with him, pointed out the size of his parents, made him promise to eat no more fast food, and i had little minor talks with him. I tried everything.. i even considered slipping diet pills in his drink!
When we first started dating he was 235lbs... now he is 265. i dont like "doing anything" with him because its such a turn off. He doesnt find motivation to excercise and cant control his eating habits.
I push off goin to the shore with him.. cus im embarrased when he takes his shirt off.
So many people tell me to dump him, but i cant.. i love him madly. \
But i cant be with someone forever if im gonna be disgusted everytime i look at him.
I know looks/weight should not come between 2 people in love, but hes pushing it.
please! give me some advice! what the hell should i do!?
2006-08-28 06:03:44 · 33 answers · asked by Krys 1 in Family & Relationships ➔ Singles & Dating
Go do something together
go for hikes, go play tennis, go for walks, go golfing go do fun things together
2006-08-28 06:08:38 · answer #1 · answered by Anonymous · 1⤊ 1⤋
Wait a minute. He has only gained 30 pounds since you 2 started going out? Were you turned on by him at his former weight? How tall is he? 235 and even 265 is not that bad for a man of average height. If anything I would be a bit more concerned about his inability to control his eating habits. Was he eating this way when the 2 of you first started going out? If not, why the change? You won't be able to help him, unless you figure out what triggered this.
Is he aware that you aren't "doing anything" with him because of his weight? If not, let him know.
You may also want to point out the health risks (if you haven't already) and ask him why he thinks you would want to be with someone who is working so hard to kill himself. Impress upon him how difficult it is to watch him do this and know that it makes you time together ever shorter.
You also mentioned he is not inclined to exercise. Exercise is boring. Try to encourage him to do things with you that involve moving. Go for a walk in the park, go hiking, play a sport, whatever. Find something the 2 of you can enjoy together and make sure you go out and do it.
Keep in mind the that more you try and control him, the less likely he is to listen to you. Lead by example.
2006-08-28 06:23:54 · answer #2 · answered by blue 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Ok first of I feel for you in a way. My husband was not as big as he is now. But he has gone through alot such as getting hurt in the Military and also going through PDS from being in Iraq. He is not the same person that I met 9yrs ago but I still love him the same. If he is not at any health risk then you should lay off him and let him wake up to reality on his own. If he is give him the option of Taking care of him self or you can't be with him cause your not gana stand by and watch him waste away.. Honestly though if you love him like you say you do then you will try and work it out.
2006-08-28 06:19:07 · answer #3 · answered by Purple_Freak_Faery 2 · 1⤊ 0⤋
I don't think you should leave him, that would make you shallow, but I do understand your concerns. I think the best way for you to address this would be to base it on health concerns and not that he is turning you off physically. Let him know that you love him deeply and that you want to stay with him but also let him know that you want him to be around to live a long prosporus life with him. Let him know that his weight is not healthy and try getting him involved in weight watchers or something like that. I actually do weight watchers myself and let me tell you, it is easy and managable unlike MANY other fad diets out there. It's something you could do together and see great results in a healthy way. He needs to see a doctor and have a physical. He's probably at risk for some diseases, and he needs to know that. Through weight watchers I learned that when you lose the first 10% of your weight you lower your risk for those diseases. He would only have to lose 26 lbs. That wouldn't be hard at all. Overall, you need to have a serious talk with him, but let him know that you want to help him because you love him and you want to be with him. If you really do love him, you can do this. Also, stick by his side, the weight loss journey is a tough one and you need to let him know you'll be his rock. Good luck to you both. :)
2006-08-28 06:12:19 · answer #4 · answered by Anonymous · 1⤊ 1⤋
if youre that 'disgusted' everytime you look at him, you dont love him. if you truly loved him it wouldnt bother you that much, i mean he was pretty fat when u started seeing him, if you dont want to look at him, and are embarassed that much that you wont go out to the beach with him or anything, it really isnt love, and you should talk to him about how youre feeling
he might say hes willing to lose the weight to stay with you, but if he wont change for you even when he knows how you feel, then he doesnt love you truly either and you two should separate
you need to have a serious talk with him either way, and work out how you both really feel and if this can be resolved
2006-08-28 06:14:54 · answer #5 · answered by purple_ronnie_always 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Have you tried fixing meals with him that are good for you and him, also work out with him, support him don't be harsh cause he may be an emotional eater, he may feel attacked which makes it worse, you have to see the inner beauty, does he make you laugh, do you enjoy the things you do together, looks are not everything, thats what they are just looks, to many people worry about their looks but they don't see that person's soul and heart. Just be there for him and encourage him and help him by walking,talking,workout,a fixing healthy meals together. When he don't get off the couch, shut the tv off, ask for his hands and pull him off and say we are going for a walk me and you. You have to motivate them, push them cause they can't do it on there own. And stay away from the fast food,greasy, carbed those sure aint good. but just be there for him, good luck,
2006-08-28 06:13:26 · answer #6 · answered by hopelovesu2004 2 · 2⤊ 0⤋
Do HIM a favor and dump him. If you really love him you could look at the man and not just his weight. My husband gained weight. It's gone up & down & I love him at any size. I only mention it if I think it's taking a toll on his overall health. We go swimming every chance we get & have for years.
Go rent "Shallow Hal"
2006-08-28 06:18:48 · answer #7 · answered by grrl 7 · 1⤊ 0⤋
If you truely love him, his weight should not matter. You should be attracted to him because he is a beautiful person. I am going through the same thing. I have gained 45 pounds since me and my husband have been together. He says he stills finds me to be very attractive and sexy because he loves me. SO, if you really love him, you could overlook his weight and find other things in him that are sexy.
2006-08-28 06:10:41 · answer #8 · answered by sea_sher 5 · 1⤊ 0⤋
Obviously it really bothers you that he's heavy, fine very heavy. But honestly, I don't think that you really do love him, otherwise his weight wouldn't have bother you. But if you really do love him like you said, you can tell him that you want him to be healthy. You can't stand the fact that one day he'd die because of a heart stroke or something like that. If you want him to work out, join him, you need to be the motivation for him.
2006-08-28 06:14:40 · answer #9 · answered by ? 3 · 1⤊ 0⤋
He will never lose the weight if you keep after him. Buy him Dr. Phill's Weight loss book. His weight is not from eating, he is eating to feel a void in his life. He needs help on the inside, before his outside appearance will change. Remember you can't change anyone they have to change their selves.
Good Luck.
2006-08-28 06:08:29 · answer #10 · answered by cinson1999 4 · 2⤊ 0⤋
Well it seems as if you are loving with your eyes as well as your heart. If you love with your heart he could be 3000 pounds, it wouldn't matter because you would loved him for who he was, not what he looked like. If you are going to love with your eyes, then yes you must leave, because being disgusted by what you see will lead you to venture outside the relationship and he probably does not deserve that.
2006-08-28 06:09:27 · answer #11 · answered by M D 3 · 1⤊ 0⤋