Who wants to make me laugh?

Question

first one gets the ten

Answer 1

I'm Ruler of the World.

Answer 2

A koala is sitting up a gum tree ... smoking a joint

when a little lizard walks past and looks up and says,

"Hey Koala ! What are you doing?"

The koala says:

"Smoking a joint, come up and have some."

So the little lizard climbs up and sits next to the koala and they have a few joints. After a while the little lizard says his mouth is 'dry' and is going to get a drink from the river. But the little lizard is so stoned that he leans too far over and falls into the river.

A crocodile sees this and swims over to the little lizard and
helps him to the side, then asks the little lizard:

"What's the matter with you?"

The little lizard explains to the crocodile that he was sitting smoking a joint with the koala in the tree, got too stoned and then fell into the river while taking a drink.

The crocodile says he has to check this out and walks into
the rain forest, finds the tree where the koala is sitting
finishing a joint, and he looks up and says "Hey you!"

So the koala looks down at him and says:

"Shiiiiiiiiiiit dude ... how much
water did you drink?!!"

Answer 3

Okk, I hurd this one on Yahoo the other day...

3 men get ship wrecked on an island & are soon found by a pack a cannibals. They are brought to the head cannibal.
Head cannibal: If you want your freedom you must go off into the jungle and bring back 10 of a fruit.
So the three men set off on they're separate tracks.

The first man returns with 10 apples.
Head Cannibal: good! now shove each of those apple up your bum without any emotion. If you show emotion we will eat you!

So the man starts 1..2.. ARR he screams & he is killed.

The second man arrives with 10 berries.
Head Cannibal: good! now shove each of those berries up your bum without any emotion... if you show emotion we will eat you!

So he starts, thinking this should be easy 1..2..3..4..5..6..7..8.. HAHAHA!! he got to 8 and burst out laughing. He was killed immediately.

The first man and second man meet in heaven.
First man: Why the hell did you laugh? You were almost there?
Seccond man: I couldn't help it i saw the third guy coming with pinapples!!!


Here are some more that I know...
Three guys are stuck in a jungle with a Huge beast. The beast tells the guys if they bring good food, than he wont eat them.
So the first guy goes and brings Hot Dogs. The beast eats it and is still hungry so he eats the first guy.
He tells the second guy the same thing. The second guy goes and brings mexican food. The beast eats it and is still hungry. So he eats the second guy.
He tells the third guy the same thing. If he brings good food, he wont eat him and he will spare his life. So the third guy goes and doesnt come back!



Three girls walk into a store. A parrot in his cage screams "white, pink, yellow"
The girls turn around to each other, and the first one sais, "Hey! Im wearing a white underwear!"
The second girl sais "Im wearing a pink underwear!"
The third one sais "Im wearing a yellow underwear!"
The girls shocked decided to play a little trick on the parott. So the next day they walk in, and the paratt yells, " white, white, white"
The girls stunned walk out of the shop.
The next day the girls walk in and the parott yells, "Curly, Straight, Bald!


Theres another one too, its an Armenian joke...
Vartanik dies and goes to Heaven. He meets a guy named Gurgen up there. He asks him how he died.
Gurgen tells him that he thought his wife was cheating on him, so he searched his whole house, when he didnt find anyone, he died of a heartattack.
Than Vartanik replies, "you idiot, if you checked the refrigerator, we both would have been alive!"

Answer 4

Not really a joke but I think you might find it amusing.
True story. My husband was stationed on board when it happened.

On board the G.W.(U.S.S. George Washington) a sailor road an imaginary motorcycle everywhere he went. Concerned about his mental health his superiors sent him for an evaluation. It was decided that he was mentally unstable so he was given a medical discharge. After getting all the signatures he needed to get checked off the ship and signing his W-2, he rode his imaginary motorcycle to the Quarterdeck. He requested and received permission to go ashore. He then got off his imaginary bike put down the bar so it wouldn't fall over and started to walk off. The CPOW(Chief Petty Officer of the Watch) Intrigued by this stopped him and asked why he got off his motorcycle. The sailor told him he didn't need it anymore so he was leaving it for the next crazy person who wanted to get out of the navy.

During my four years in the navy I new several people who got by doing things like pretending to be gay or faking mental illness. But this guy that served with my husband came up with the best way I have heard of.

Answer 5

woman and a man are involved in a severe car accident; both of their cars are totally damaged but amazingly neither of them hurt.
After they crawl out of their cars, the woman says, "So you're a man, that's interesting. I'm a woman. Wow, just look at our cars! There's nothing left, but fortunately we are unhurt. This must be a sign from God that we should meet and and live together in peace for the rest of our days." Flattered, the man replied, "Oh yes, I agree with you!" Woman continued, "And look at this, here's another miracle. My car is totally damaged but this bottle of wine didn't break. Surely God wants us to drink this wine and celebrate our good fortune." Then she hands the bottle to the man, The opens it and drinks half the bottle and then hands it back to the woman. The woman takes the bottle, imdtly puts the cap back on,and hands it back to the man.
The man asks, "Aren't you having any?"
She replied, "No. I think we wait for the police

Answer 6

two middle Easterners made a bet to see which one could become more Americanized in a year and agreed to meet a year later, the time came and they meet the first one said that he was in a hurry because he had to pick up his son at baseball practice and then go to walmart for some last minute shopping the second one said " shut the **** up you towel headed basterd"

Answer 7

the first gets 10 points

Answer 8

A chicken and an egg lie in bed smoking. which one came first?

Answer 9

There were three ethnic people walking into a bar, no, wait, there was an ethnic priest, an ethnic rabbi, and an ethnic minister, no, wait, there were two sexually mal-oriented ethnic, no, wait....

Itty, Larylz, and Bill were riding in a massive dump truck, who was driving?

Answer 10

What did Snoop Dogg say when the house fell on him?