How can I get my daughter to stop talking on the computer into the last hours of the night?

Question

My daughter has been playing an interactive game name "Puzzle Pirates". She plays for like hours talking to people all over the world. To me she is obcessed and addicted. When we talk to her about her she get reals defensive and says that these people are her friends. Any advice is welcome. My next step is taking her off the computer completely, due to the fact that she starts college here in 2 weeks. We want her to succeed, not be cut off from society.

Answer 1

It sounded like an obsession. This needs to be handled carefully especially on the method of persuading her to let go of the game. So take it easy for the moment because giving more pressure on your daughter would not help the situation and could worsen your relationship.

First thing, you may need to consider why your daughter has developed such an obsession.
e.g.
Such obsession could be cause by deficiency of something:
- parents' attention and affection
- peer recognition
- school achievements...
All these could show that she wants to somewhat escape the reality.
Which you need to know the source in order to solve the problem occurring.

Caution:
- Sometimes asking your daughter what's your problem may not help at all. Also the way, your tone should not be really firm like as if she is guilty for what she have done. I know parents would be very concerned abut their children but just calm down. If you need to find the source, try talking with someone who knows your daughter well enough and or pay attention to her.
- Cutting off the internet/computer will not help deal the problem but you're just inviting another way for your daughter to escape from your supervision.

Solutions:
- try to occupy her time with some healthy activity such as reading, cooking, sports, dancing... You have to think about this by yourself.
- try to make her socialize with people by joining some club or gatherings, etc.
- try to let her understand that you respect her using the computer but she must know to evaluate the meaning of adequacy.

If you couldn't handle the problem, seek for professional assistance.

Answer 2

dont take her off the computer, give her a time limit during the week, and tell her she can chat allday and night on the weekends. If she doesnt want 2 follow the rules then disconnect net. She doesnt need the net really for college and if she does she can go 2 the library or at school. Yes the computer is pretty addicting, i was like that once. now i just get on a couple hours a day and that is it. Tell her she has priorities. Oh and when she starts school if she fails because of this then she will have learned a valuable lesson. You can also give her the bill for the net 2.

Answer 3

You need to realize that things are very different today than when you were growing up. Online friends now days are very real and important. Your daughter is old enough to go to college so you need to respect her more as an adult than as a child. The first step is giving her the responsibility to determine if her online time interferes with her ability to succeed in college. Until she can see that her time online is actually affecting her studies you should do nothing. Who knows, her online friends may actually be what helps her get through college or she may decide after a couple of months of college that she doesn't have time for her online friends. Regardless, she is growing up and you need to let her figure this out and succeed or fail on her own.

Answer 4

Listen...I'm going to be totally and brutually honest - ok.

First of all - words 5 and 6 in your opening sentence were..."my daughter" - if you still remember - you are "the mother"...and I assume that she is in "your house". Ok without being totally mean...which I know you think I might be at this point - you are the mother...and she is under your roof...just unplug the darn thing and tell her that you now have computer curfews. Tough love is hard...but you must do it or she will always be on the defensive with you and you're always going to give in.

I will tell you when I tell my son to get off the computer...I only tell him one time - he knows there are going to be ramifications if he doesn't. Although my son is a young teenager right now...I feel I have a good relationship with him and he doesn't like upsetting me.

Be assertive and remember you're the parent - and not the other way around.

Good Luck.

Answer 5

lol...I can relate. The Internet is addicting and you get attached to the people online. Tell her she has limits and make her follow the rules. Give her a certain amount of time she can be on the Internet and a certain amount of time you want to see her doing something active. I love my Internet friends, but I also have friends in the real world. When I'm depressed, I tend to lean on my Internet friends more because they know me better emotionally because I share things with them that I never would people I see face to face. Maybe she's scared of the change and is hiding from it through her Internet activity. Talk to her and see what the real problem is. Good luck.

Answer 6

I will not lie, I have been semi addicted to an online game before, it was sad. If your daughter is starting college in a couple weeks she will be using the internet alot anyway, I think it will take a new passionate involvement in an offline activity to pry her from the cyber world that is smothering everyone today. Finding her passion is your job and the hard part.

Answer 7

Honestly, I would cut her off from the computer. She shouldn't be talking to all sorts of people on the internet as she could get involved with a werido! Why don't you try limiting her computer time - only when you are around and no computer in her room. See if that helps..... Good luck!

Answer 8

Okay first off apparently she does not feel that she has an outlet to talk to you guys so I would start by examining yourselves as parents, secondly it is obvious that she might have felt sheltered and has chosen to explore the world thru the eyes of someone else because she does not feel that she can face it by herself and finally you still treat her like she is a child. You stated she is about to go to college....she wants the independence but without being dependent on you.

Harsh but true

Find your faults ...open your hearts and ears and then finally your arms to accept your daughter as the woman she is struggling to be. If not expect college drop out...wrong crowd...promiscuity and probably worse...abusive relationships by men who see the weaknesses that you chose to ignore and worse still...she will blame you guys for it all.

Think about it.

Phantom

Answer 9

If she is in college you need to let her be otherwise she will go the wrong way. You can only guide her at this age not disipline her. Just be there for her in every aspect and support her. Playing games online is normal now a days. Just let her know that you are proud of her and are just worried and listen more than you talk.

Answer 10

She won't succeed in life if she doesn't start following the rules of the house. College has rules, the work force has rules, etc... She also need to invest in common sense & if she won't listen to you while she's living with you, though she is nearing adulthood, it is your house.

If all else fails, unplug the computer. Let her go off to college & start discovering the consequences for her actions....and let her take responsibility for them. You want her to succeed, but you can't do it for her.