i had asked my family n friends 4 help, but i realy do need more opinions.. wel am a 19-year-old american guy n i've been livin in Haifa, Israel with my father since 4ever. i've known a palestinine girl 4 3 years til now. shez very cute n fun n am deeply in love with her n i know she loves me too. we had this kind of serious relationship n we discussed marriage several times. wel i talked 2 my father about this thing n he totaly agreed as long as i love her, but it was so different with her. when she told her parents about our relationship, they exploded and ordered her 2 end things up with me. i couldn't figure it out, so i talked 2 her father, but he blew up tellin me 2 forget his daughter and that he didn't want a blonde american dog 2 ruin their lives. i stil dun get how i can ruin the life of my beloved. anyway, whatz really worryin me that the girl is hesitatin and somehow movin away. i dunna what 2 do n am even considerin islam just 2 get the girl. i need help WHAT SHOULD I DO?!
2006-08-28 05:33:33 · 23 answers · asked by tom_welson 1 in Family & Relationships ➔ Singles & Dating
Sometimes a difference in religion or beliefs might be too much to overcome. Try to talk reasonably to her parents, make them see that you really do love her, and if that doesn't work, talk to her. She might be willing to change, but don't pressure her. This is something you and your girlfriend will have to work out together.
2006-08-28 05:37:57 · answer #1 · answered by Becky 3 · 2⤊ 0⤋
One thing I do know is that you should never compromise your own religious beliefs for someone else's ,unless they are similar.With that said,The best advice I can give you is to go to the source of the problem. Her parents. If I understand you correctly,you've been seeing this girl for 3 years. I assume you've met her parents on many different occasions,and they seemed to have accepted you as her boyfriend thus far. It was only after the subject of marriage came up that they voiced their disapproval. You need to meet with them,and ask for a rational explanation as to why they don't approve of you marrying their daughter,and depending on the answer,ask if there could be a possible compromise to the situation. I believe that love always prevails in the end,and when the parents see how much you two love each other,I believe that they may be willing to make some compromises of their own,but there must always be a middle ground in which both parties can agree.
2006-08-28 13:01:49 · answer #2 · answered by ? 6 · 1⤊ 0⤋
Buddy, take a moment, rise above the turmoil and think.
1. You're 19. Nobody marries the person they're in love with when they're 19, because you can't support her, you'll change, she'll change and a load of other stuff.
2. You have to realise that the problem with her father probably isn't your faith, rather what you represent to him, as an American. There aren't many ways to earn his trust and respect, and you'll be hard pressed to do this. Even so, if you're bent on being with this girl, and you want her to be happy, you'll try and get their blessing, by being who you are, respectfully towards them.
3. I hate to break it to you, but family always comes first, because they've loved her longer. So if she's hesitating she is already having turmoil about this, choosing you or them. Do the RIGHT thing, be a man, respect her parents, tell her you love her, and shove off. It'll hurt, but it'll be better for her, and if you don't want what's best for her, you're not mature enough to be in a relationship.
Sorry I had to be hard on you. I'm a romantic as well, but in your case you've got too much reality to ignore.
Shalom!
2006-08-28 12:49:57 · answer #3 · answered by kruiskryger 2 · 1⤊ 0⤋
it's a very difficult matter cause it has to do with ethnicism and cultural differences. it's logical that they don't want an american in the family from her parents side but it's also the year of 2006... i really doubt it that she will be able to do anything in the age of 19. she's still depending on her parents as u r on yr dad. hate to say this and it's heart breaking but i don't think u will be able to have her in the way u need to. i know it hurts, hope the best 4 u and her.
2006-08-28 12:41:44 · answer #4 · answered by disco ball 4 · 1⤊ 0⤋
Sounds like her father is a big immature, ignorant fool. But on the other hand I understand where the girl is coming from. It's hard when you don't want to go against your parents' wishes. I am so sorry that you guys have to go through this. I wish you both all of the luck in the world and I hope things work out.
2006-08-28 12:45:00 · answer #5 · answered by gemone523 4 · 0⤊ 1⤋
You must understand. You see my friend in the part of the world in which u reside a family's honor is everything. Your love interest is Muslim and under Islaam there are rules for courting one's love interest. Family honour must be preserved and virtue reverenced at all times. Your answer lies in understanding her culture. First you seek out what is known as the Imaan who is the equivalent of a priest here in the US for intervention. Then you must show her father that you can provide for her and that you are NOT the blood thirsty, no respect for life, chauvenist pig which is so much the image of the US there. Take it upon yourself to learn the principles of her belief in order to understand the father's point of view. He is looking at the fact that you are a danger to his daughter, she is looking at it like she is betraying her family and possibly her God, you have the challenge of accepting this, understanding their position and then executing an action that can appease all sides.
Knowledge is Power
Phantom
2006-08-28 12:44:41 · answer #6 · answered by phantom 1 · 1⤊ 0⤋
All I can tell you is FOLLOW YOUR HEART and if she's who you really love and care about then you need to let everybody else's opinion about the relationship go and focus on just the 2 of u. If you have 2 follow her wherever she goes just to let everyone, including her that nothing will stop the 2 of u from being 2gether. God bless and good luck
2006-08-28 12:39:14 · answer #7 · answered by Marty Johnson 2 · 1⤊ 0⤋
Dude. Things can get dangerous. Make sure she knows how you feel But tread lightly. There are reasons (real or imagined) the parents fear their daughter marrying you.
You don't want to aggravate a problem you don't understand. You don't want to cause her unnecessary pain. Make sure she knowsw you love her, that you'll always love her. Write her a note, give her a momento, but be really willing to let her go.
2006-08-28 12:48:47 · answer #8 · answered by barron 2 · 1⤊ 0⤋
islam is a very strict religion, and well asia is known for its very strict rules.. if you truly love her as she loves you you should ignore her parents and do what you want to do, her parents are jst tryin to rule her life and its not fair, if your making her happy then they should be glad your part of their daughters life, i say you tell the parents where to get off if they dont like the fact that you love their daughter then tell them to take a hike.. what worries me is that shes moving away, this is probably her fathers doing yet, if she felt deeply inlove and passionate to you, surely she would fight this, and stay with you.. and dont you blame yourself, its not you whos in the wrong here its her parents strict ways and the stupid culture that they have been brought up in, if you love this girl then marry her she needs to get a back bone and stand up to her parents instead of conforming to what they say.. dont change yourself for any one and dont take on a religion that you dont believe in.. good luck all the best
it will be hard for her to stand up to her parents, all you can do is show her comfort and support, you need to be her rock.. cause your gonna go through a hard time.. just dont let you or her get pushed or pressured into doing anything you dont want to do
2006-08-28 12:44:57 · answer #9 · answered by Anonymous · 1⤊ 0⤋
Let her go. This is probably not the answer you want to hear, but a religious and cultural difference like this is often too much to overcome. You are very young, you will get over this "love" and find another one that is much more compatible. Trust me!
2006-08-28 12:41:25 · answer #10 · answered by deepadot 3 · 1⤊ 0⤋