Okay, I am in a long term, serious, live-in relationship with the greatest guy I have ever met. The problem is... whenever we do get into a minor argument or have a disagreement (which is going to happen in any relationship) my boyfriend questions our compatibility. We have been through a lot together and I feel that we can work through just about anything. When we do have a disagreement I want to sit down and talk it out, and he always says "well maybe we just aren't good together, maybe it isn't going to work out" We always stay together and work it out but I just get so insecure when he says these things and I get so upset. I love him more than anything and I want to stay with him. Someone give me advice on why he says these things... Perhaps I should mention he was married before and went through a pretty rough divorce... does that have anything to do with it??? I don't know whats on his mind but I feel like he doesn't have as much faith in the relationship as I do. HELP!!
2006-08-28 03:08:06 · 9 answers · asked by sarah 2 in Family & Relationships ➔ Singles & Dating
I must say good for you for not giving up on him...I know how hard it is to have faith in something and yet have it seem that your the only one who does. It sounds like he could have some insecurities when it comes to relationships..a marriage that doesn't work out followed by a bad divorce can do that to any one. Men have a harder time talking about thier feelings than woman do. I know that when he says that to you its gotta hurt, does he know how it makes you feel when he says that? Does he know how you truely feel about him? His rough divorce could have left some scars and fears and possibly given him a lack of trust or faith in relationships. Thats when you come in..you can give him and show him that just becuase one relationship didn't work out doesn't mean that any other won't. Have you ever answered his statement. Saying yes you do think your compatible and that you guys can work out cause honestly if you two couldn't you guys wouldn't have made it this far right? Maybe asked him if that is how he feels...if he thinks that you guys really can't work...but always reasure him him how you feel he could just be scared. Sounds like you are doing the right thing just follow your heart hun. Sometimes one just needs to be showed again or even for the first time what love really is and that faith and love that is complete and unconditional.
2006-08-28 03:33:43 · answer #1 · answered by tami_aur 1 · 1⤊ 0⤋
I'd say that he's just insecure babe. But he needs to stop judging you on his past relationship. Let him know that. Although I would bring the subject up while you're both relaxed - not arguing. That way there's not all the emotions going round his head and he will be more receptive to what you have to say. All you can do is reassure him that you are there for the long haul - but make sure you let him know how he makes you feel when he says these things. The key is to make sure you're not arguing at the time though or it will all go in one ear and out the other as he will be trying to battle those inner demons. Hopefully by the next argument he'll have your words going round his head instead of words and emotions from the past. He won't change overnight but persevere and your love and resolution will convince him. Bestest luck!! :)
2006-08-28 10:17:27 · answer #2 · answered by ellyfantastic 2 · 1⤊ 0⤋
You might answer him next time with "Well, maybe we're not. Let's go to a couples counsellor and find out." He can't get away with copping out like that anytime he doesn't get his way. It's like saying maybe you're not me. You are allowed to disagree.
How long have you been going out? How long has he been divorced? How long was he married? Lots of variables. The best
thing to do is talk about it. Communication is key in any relationship. Couples therapy is a good idea if he brings it up again.
2006-08-28 10:17:41 · answer #3 · answered by Linda S 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
ok hun - i totally sympathise with your situation - sometimes guys are so blind they cant see how much a woman really loves him and just isnt even willing to try and see it from our point of view. I would sit your man down, when things are going great between ye and just bring up the fact that when ye do fall out that it hurts you when he says these things to you and explain how much you love him. He may see it from your perspective then
2006-08-28 10:12:11 · answer #4 · answered by Anonymous · 1⤊ 0⤋
mmmm. tough choice. maybe he wants out maybe not. but the bottom line is does he care for u. ask him he wants out. when a man wants out of a relationship he will say or do anything for u to call it quits. then he blames u and say u wanted out. talk to him or just give him a week or two from u.
2006-08-28 10:14:26 · answer #5 · answered by ktoya 1 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Dont be so hard on yourself, even though hes been married it sounds like he is just being childish he says those things to let you know that he doesnt need you as much as you need him, but i think we both know what would happen if you were to leave. dont play his game let him think what ever he wants but dont call his bluff because you might end up alone.
2006-08-28 10:22:16 · answer #6 · answered by bigmj75 2 · 1⤊ 0⤋
He's conditioning you for the ultimate cop-out he'd do regarding your relationship. I suggest that you start hardening yourself because he will just suddenly spring it unto you when you least expect it. As far as he is concerned, it is you who has a greater stake in the relationship... not him. Beware but I hope it is not as I "read" him and your situation.
2006-08-28 10:15:44 · answer #7 · answered by Bummerang 5 · 0⤊ 0⤋
I had a similar problem .. You just need to show him that you love him .. and you'll be by his side no matter what
2006-08-28 10:11:10 · answer #8 · answered by tumeni_1 1 · 0⤊ 0⤋
just show him that you care for him dont worry we (guys) usually say that when it comes to a fight but we dont really mean it
2006-08-28 10:15:42 · answer #9 · answered by soul man 1 · 1⤊ 0⤋