Why should we help them?

Question

My husband's brother has 5 kids: from oldest to youngest...6, 5, 4, 3, and a 5 month old. His brothers wife, says she needs a "break" and my husband's brother called us last night and asked if we could take the 3 and 4 year old for a few weeks. I'm all about helping family, but hell naw. My husband told me to make this decision, because I am the one currently at home. I have 2 of my own, one in school and a 8 month old. These kids are bad. Plus, I was not the one there holding her hips when they was stroking, so I don't have anything to do with them having so many kids that she needs a "break". I pretty much have made up my mind, but how do I tell them hell to the NAW, nicely? I also don't want to lie. I just want to be straightfoward and polite. I just can't beleive they had the nerve to just try and dump their kids off on us.

Answer 1

you are soo right, you were not there when they made all these babies, so why should you have to help when she needs a "BREAK". she decided to have all those kids, not you. i'm sure you have your hands full with the 2 you have. I would just be straight forwand and tell them that you have your hands full already.

Answer 2

You know what you are capable of. Help if you can but set limits. I just came off a week of caring for my 11 and 7 year old niece and nephew (along with my own two, 12 & 2). It isn't a picnic especially when two of them are special needs. I was going nuts by Friday. I can understand that she may need a break but a few weeks is a long time. Is there anyone else that can split this with you if you agree to do it?
Find out if they have any alternatives and you would be glad to help on a much more limited basis; set the days and the time limits - after all there may come a time that you need them.

Answer 3

Oh my God,
NO wonder I dont want to come back in the States, the family ties are so BAD!
I am shocked when I read such things (I am not talking about you!!!)

I come from a country where people go out of their way to help each other so such reactions and advices given to you by other people make me sick of America!
There is nobody or no law to tell you you should help!
This comes from the heart and desire to be there for a family member. Even though I agree with you, 5 kids that close are toooo much, there is nothing anybody can do now to change that.
You could try to help some for the sake of the kids. She must be suffering from PPD too.
I hope you will be there and help. Your husband will love and respect you more for that.
If it was me (and I have helped my husband's family as much as I could) I would try to help for a few weeks , not for her but for the kids, if smthing happens to that family bc the mom went crazy and I didnt help, I wouldnt forgive myself!

Remember what people were saying about the yates case? The neighbors saying they would have helped If they knew.
Now I understand they would have done NOTHING !

Answer 4

If there's no major reason she can't handle them ( medical?) then you shouldn't feel bad about not taking them. With a five month old things may be tough though. Do you get along other wise? perhaps you could offer to spend a day or two a week With her afew weeks to help her get used to handling the whole brood. That would be three? in school and three home to watch while keeping company. Good luck either way and don't feel guilty

Answer 5

I dont know why people keep on having children one after the other like this just to later say that 'they need a break' :-O I guess you are right and shoudl act now, because many things start as a favour and end up as an obligation. If you want to show good will, accept the kids for a while but SET UP A DATE for when you will return they home. Dont just let things go and go.

Answer 6

That is a bad place to put you. I would tell hubby that you have enough on your plate and you could not handle more, not your job.He should have the balls to tell his brother without making you be the heavy, this would disrupt your household. You have a baby now, do not need someone else to take away from your family, because that is what it will do. They need to put these children in a daycare, that will give her a break for the day and tell her to get her tubes tied.

Answer 7

You should just tell them if you do It once they will keep expecting you to do it. If she needed A break why did she have another baby to add to her stress she needs to get her tubes tied. We all want A break at times but we are mothers and some times we just have to deal. I went through the same thing and I just told her no I have my own kids and It's hard enough to take care of my own.

Answer 8

since you already made up your mind I think thats great. If they want to dump their kids on you tell them you need $50 a day which is like bare minimum for 2 kids who have a nanny. they arent your kids and you cant just have a break because you want one. if they really cant handle her kids then she needs to consider giving them to the state. that would be a very confusing situation for the children, what if they think their parents are abandoning them?? you just tell them that they arent your children and you cant do that for your own sanity. you are right about this one. good luck

Answer 9

Let them know that you deserve a break just as much as her and you don't think it would be fair to you and your house to be bombarded with more chores and things, for someone else (family or not) to get a break.

Also tell them that you love them but wanting breaks is an unfortunate side effect of love-making.

Answer 10

I think you are being selfish. You say they are "bad kids" but have you ever spent an extended amount of time alone with them? Maybe they just need to be around someone different and things will get better. That is what family is for, helping. Did you have help when you had your last child? You should be honored that they thought of you although if they read this, they would probably rethink their request. It's sad that you see it is "dumping their kids on you". You should maybe see it as a way to bond with them.