We share custody of my boyfriend's daughter with his ex-wife. My problem is that when she is here, me and my 2 kids take a back seat. I know he loves her more than anything, but I don't like the feeling of being pushed aside and a 5 year old's opinion matters more to me. I hate to admit it, but yes I think I am a little jealous of his daughter and then attention she gets from him. She is whiny, and gets whatever she wants, she is spoiled. How do I deal with this? Has this happened to anyone else and how did you handle it?
2006-08-28 01:26:16 · 19 answers · asked by sarah 2 in Family & Relationships ➔ Family
Don't play the "tippy toe" game when she is around. When she is there, life should be as it always is so she has realistic expectations in her own life. If she is treated "special" around you and your family, she will grow to think that she is above you. In your household, that should not be allowed. You need to talk to your boyfriend about this, and if he can't bend a little your way, you might want to make other living arrangements, as this process will not change unless he understands what it's doing to you.
2006-08-28 01:34:34 · answer #1 · answered by T Time 6 · 1⤊ 0⤋
I dont think its favortism...he has "shared custody" with someone else, your children you have together have the benefit of a full time mommy and daddy. His little girl only gets him half the time.. so I am sure he is just doing that because he only has her half the time, so he is showing her some extra daddy time. its rough going between homes...but he seems to be dealing it this way... a five your old wont understand why daddy and mommy arent together. But its not that he loves you and your two any less.. the little time he has with her, he wants it to be enjoyable, and yes you all could enjoy his company at the same time, but you have him 24-7 and she doesnt. cut him some slack.. at least he is taking the time to deal with her and not pushing her aside.
2006-08-28 08:40:37 · answer #2 · answered by t c 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
I can understand how you feel. The best way to deal with it is to let your boyfriend know how you feel and what you would like to do to resolve the issue.
Here's a suggestion. Become her best friend. Give her a reason to like you. Spend some time with her yourself and you will find that this will eliminate the jealous feelings you have at this time. You could sit down and color with her. Make her cookies and join in with some fun activity. Make some suggestions like taking her to the park.
Basically, treat her like a "niece" and pretty soon, she'll love you as part of the family too.
2006-08-28 09:07:46 · answer #3 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
The problem is that he feels that he needs to compete for her attention with her mother and that he feels he needs to go above and beyond to get his daughter's approval. It has become an expectation for both of them that she get this attention.
You need to have a serious talk with him. He needs to realize that his behavior (letting her get away with murder and spoiling her) is not in the best long term interests of the child. You need to explain to him the impact it is having on you and your children. If he is unwilling to adapt his mindsdet, then you need to think about what is best longterm for you and your children. That may be a life without him as hard as that may sound.
2006-08-28 08:50:16 · answer #4 · answered by Hockey, Guns & Beer 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
I would agree with Robert. She will always be number one. My wife and I were talking and both agreed we would be more devastated if we lost a kid than than one of us. Its nothing personal just a fact. If he had to choose between the two of you, I WOULD HOPE, he would choose his daughter. Not that he should spoil her though. And she must be made to respect you, that is just good parenting.
2006-08-28 08:34:51 · answer #5 · answered by Anonymous · 1⤊ 0⤋
You know the key to a good marriage, is communication, well you have to sit your husband down, and have a talk with him, Tell him, how you feel, also say, this is the time you and I need to train, and discipline, your daughter, so she can grow up to be a strong, wholesome young lady.
2006-08-28 08:38:14 · answer #6 · answered by roseannetb@verizon.net 6 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Learn to be the bigger of the two, talk to your boyfriend about it.Maybe he needs to go somewhere else with his daughter to spend time alone with her,then have group time.Are the two other kids his? If not and it gets to be a bigger problem,maybe he needs to get his own place.
2006-08-28 08:36:58 · answer #7 · answered by master_der_man 6 · 1⤊ 0⤋
it's just the way it is. you need to talk to him and tell him how you feel with out attacking his parenting methods. see if you two can come up with some sence of limitations. then, take advantage of it as well, set up time for just him and his daughter and do the same for you and your children.
Each of your children need to know that they come first and that their parent will always be there for them.
It took me 4 years of battles to learn this one.
2006-08-28 08:51:01 · answer #8 · answered by manda 1 · 0⤊ 0⤋
She will not be small forever. If you cannot get past this then you may need to look at another option. Talk with him and get some family time for your family and then some share time..
2006-08-28 08:33:27 · answer #9 · answered by Wildcat70546 1 · 0⤊ 0⤋
dump him.The last woman did,so he obviously is noy a prize but a work in progress.If you are not the most important person in his life than I say dump him and find someone who does put you before every other living creature on earth.You deserve to be his #1 if you are ever to make a life with him.
2006-08-28 12:41:22 · answer #10 · answered by racquel 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋