My daughters are friends with a girl who lives in a very smelly house!?

Question

This girl has atleast 6-8 dogs and atleast 10 cats, all living in the house! When you open their door, the odor is so overwhelming it's all I can do to keep from gagging. I know it's not the little girls fault but should I allow my daughters to go over there and play? I worry about bacteria!

Also, this little girl does not lead what I call a normal life! She's somewhat withdrawn. She's very picky in what she eats! she has to have what everyone else has. Her Mom is raising her older daughters son and calls him 'the boy.' Her Mom drinks a lot. Her grandparents live very close by (in the same yard) and both have tried to commit suicide at one point in their life. She comes to my house in the morning before school and I asked her to take off her shoes (in the winter) so rather than take off her shoes, she just stands by the door! She's a very different little girl! She has a 21 year old friend that comes to play! Her Mom allows this!!

Answer 1

What a sad story. I would recommend that you report her to Child Protection Services. Unfortunately, once you do that, assuming they find out who reported them, I'm afraid visits to the girl's house will not be an issue.

But besides that, I'd be more concerned about the 21 year old "friend", than the suicidal grandparents, and alcoholic mother, than with the dogs and cats. This poor girl is at HIGH RISK for abuse (sexual, physical, mental) and your girls could get in the way if they are in the house, too. You need to explain it to your daughters so that it is not a reflection on the little girl, but concern about her living environment and their safety.

Hopefully, you will still welcome her into your house, strange behavior or not. It will at least give her some exposure to a normal life.

I know reporting this family is an unconfortable concept, but if the situation is as you describe it, it's the right thing to do. Be strong.

Answer 2

I think your daughter, and maybe the other little girl will both be relieved if you make a rule that they are only allowed to play at your house.

What a sad case, but PLEASE do not approach this little girl as a pitiful thing, as she will incorporate that into her identity. Treat her with the same dignity and grace as you would expect anyone to treat your daughter. Don't "put down" her home or family in front of her. Encourage her emotional, intellectual and spiritual, as well as her physical growth.

You don't say what age the girls are, but I sense quite young. If you can see it in your heart to open your home and heart to this child, you may be saving a life. That doesn't mean that she should move in, just always be welcome there, and learn and adhere to what your rules are.

Let's see how CPS might see/report this: Little girl lives in a house with lots of animals. Doesn't smell great, but no fecal material on floors or counters. Good support system, as mother and grandparents are both on property. Grandparents have some distant history of suicidal gestures. Neighbors have alleged that mother drinks. No smell of alcohol at time of investigation and no evidence during visit. Child appropriately clothed and is normal on growth charts. Mother is raising the first cousin of the child as well. Fresh and nutritious food present in refrigerator.

You are picking out vague "factoids" that support your theory that this child is not being raised "right" or that is what it sounds like to me. If you have really valid concerns that you think will stand up to the scrutiny of neutral investigators, by all means, report it.

What about this 21 year old "friend"? You were very vague about that also. Is it a male? Is it a family friend? What leads you to be so circuitously inflammatory about this? Are you suspicious of sexual abuse?

You are right, this is a different little girl, but I suspect you are being a little harsh and judgmental about her.

Answer 3

I wouldn't have allowed my children to go to such a home. Your first responsibility is for the safety of your children and that environment just isn't healthy or safe. Perhaps by coming to your home she can get some idea of what a normal home life and atmosphere should be. It sounds like she certainly needs that. Since your children are friends you might consider discussing the situation, in a very discreet way, with your daughter's teacher. Often teachers know that there are problems but have no way of knowing the extent of the situation. It isn't like you're gossipping if you make it clear that you're concerned for this child's welfare. Although child-welfare agencies can go overboard at times there are cases where they should get involved and schools can promote this intervention.

Answer 4

First I would call animal control over the cat and dog problem. That sounds really unhealthy.
Then child welfare services. It sounds as if there is more than one child to be concerned about.

The authorities might be able to solve what sounds like numerous serious problems.

I certainly hope things can improve for that family. Sometimes people have to be saved from themselves.

Oops, I didn't answer your question. No your children should not go to their house. Perhaps if you are able you could have the little girl over and help her to bath and get clean clothing. That definitely sounds like a challenging situation.

Answer 5

I've had this situation with my daughters, one of their friends lived in a clothing optional park, and the another one told me one day that her grandpop was also her dad!!!! I can't recommend what you should do, but made my kids cut off ALL contact with the kids when I found out. I don't care how others live their lives, but they aren't going to influence MY kids. My kids weren't happy, but they did what I said, and I feel I prevented tons of trouble by being like that. After the second time, I insisted that I meet their friends parents before they started hanging out, and they made lots of friends with nice normal family's. Any type of outside influence can affect your children's lives... why take that chance!!!! Besides if the girl is getting abused by her "21 year old friend", do you want your daughters to be next?????

Answer 6

What I wld do if I were you is talk to the little girl and be friends with her then get her to talk before you jump to conclusions cause child protective services really should be the last resort cause once a child is placed with them then the poor kid has no chance at a normal life for sure especially being passed from foster home to foster home thats no life for a child....see your kid will go to college and stuff but if her friend was in a foster home.....she will be kicked out at age 18 and be just another statistic in the homeless community...to answer your ? now.....Dont let your daughter go over there.let the little girl come to your house instead.....

Answer 7

Her sister is greater useful behaved? As in, the sister who of course had a baby outdoors of wedlock, won't be able to shelter it herself, and expects loose toddler sitting provider from her different sister? Your 20 twelve months previous daughter will possibly no longer have a job, yet a minimum of she did no longer get knocked up by utilising some loser who would not marry her purely so she ought to sell off the youngster on kin as unpaid daycare. Frankly, you have screwed up with the two one among your infants, and for some explicable reason, you're "precious" the bigger screwup by utilising giving her money and gives you and in all probability a motor vehicle fairly than opting to help the youngster who nevertheless has a shot at a respectable destiny. you elect for to effectively cope with the problem? supply your 20 twelve months previous daughter sufficient money to circulate out and discover an house, and enable her ensure her very own issues as quickly as she's out on her very own. it is completely attainable that she'll do greater useful devoid of your impression. perhaps she'll pay you back, perhaps no longer, yet the two way a minimum of you will purely have one loser baby nevertheless at residing house leaving messes so you might freshen up.

Answer 8

that is a no brainer i think you just want to hear it from someone Else so you dont make a harsh decision but no!dont let her go back if she wants to be friends with her have her come to your house,i know exactly what you mean about the smell thing my sons friends house smells like poop and arm pitts all the tI'me and im afraid my house will start smelling that way cause of him going there and bringing the odor back on his clothes make her change in the garage,etc bacteria is what gives off smells and they can transfer that in your house,but the other issue it doesn't sound like a healthy environment for your kid to go

Answer 9

i think the negative responses should be ignored. clearly if this were your child, wouldn't you find comfort in knowing that your child has a special place to go?

at my home, we have helped two teenagers who were having problems at home. i find it comforting that they "runaway" to our house....my children are shown that just because someone is different, doe's not make for a bad "friend" or circumstance.

never EVER exclude this little girl. she NEEDS guidance and acceptance of who she is...after all, it is not her fault. don't "punish" her for her parent's mistakes.

have you ever thought that this little girl seeks your home and your daughters because she is lacking what you and your daughters have?

give this girl a hug, invite her in regardless if she takes her shoes off or not.....everyone needs someone.

take this as a sign that, although you can't change her life, you can certainly be there for her and influence her in positive ways!!

Answer 10

This situation needs investigation by the Animal protection people. Social services or childrens aid may not be able to do much with this, but the animal protection people will have an ability to deal with this.