help! - problem with mom.?

Question

my mom is very unsupportive and uncaring. she knows about my PTSD, depression, being a schctzo, my anxiety and the fact that im a cutter - shes not there for me and i really need her now more then ever!! talking to her doesnt help (tried) she changes the subject and turns the convo about her or her problems at work and im sick of it! the fights we had are never ending as well. what should i do? why cant she show love or even show that she cares? am i asking too much to have her here for me?

Answer 1

Hi dear!

I'm sure it took you a lot of courage to write all this here. I understand you perfectly. Communication can be hard.

What I would suggest is that you write everything down, all your problems, how you miss your mom and also what you want from her. Read it again. Rewrite if need be, add more... just make it complete that it contains all you want your mom to know.

Then give it to her. Tell her to read it when she is alone. Let her be alone so that she can think also.

And hopefully she will understand.

I'm sure it will be easier for both of you.

Good luck. God bless you,

Nadia.

Answer 2

Maybe you should turn to someone else that you trust to talk about your situation. I say this because the best healing is talking. Unfortunately, your mom is being immature about your situation because she may feel like she's at fault. Otherwise, she may be in denial. She may experience the same thing but is too scare of asking for help. Seek professional counseling! You need to get down to the root cause of your behavior. It's nothing better than life, itself. The best thing should be to wake up and live another day. God loves you so you should love yourself. Beauty is within. You take what you going through with your mom and make sure your kids never be in your shoes. You always be available to your child(ren). Be a better parent! Good luck and be bless.

Answer 3

I'm certainly not giving her any credit, but the truth could be that she's parenting the only way she knows how -- which unfortunately is next to nothing, but not personal. Also, she probably doesn't know how to handle your issues (although they aren't that uncommon; my daughter has emotional and psychological issues and was a cutter); ask her if she'll go to counseling with you. Maybe approach it like this: "Mom, I know you're having a lot to deal with, and I know it's hard for you to help me with all I'm going through. We both really need someone who is experienced in helping people with our concerns. If we go together, we'll both get something out of it." Hope this helps; and I know you will be alright; if worse comes to ABSOLUTE worse, I hope you have a close friend or circle of friends; my daughter has some friends who see thier buddies as their actual family, and her friends actually take care of her like a family would do -- make sure she eats and doesn't starve herself, they helped her kick pot smoking, they write her notes about her qualities, etc. Reach out to a close friend who may be able to help fill in the gaps that Mom can't fill.

Answer 4

Sometimes no one can help us except us. Your mom is probably overwhelmed with life. It sounds like you are an adult. Maybe it is time to move out on your own.

Maybe your mom has her own emotional issues.

Here is a different concept. You give her love and comfort and I bet you she will give it right back at you. She is probably working hard to give you a home. She has her own personal struggles and battles. Try sitting next to her sometime and put your arm around her or touch her hand and if she is talking about being tired at work. You reflect back what she says like this....."I know mom you work hard and now you are home , lets just kick back and relax." Sometimes to get love and confort we need to give it.

Your mom has given and given as a parent. I bet you anything that when she feels the love from you, she will give it in return.

If she asks whats up with this new behavior..tell her that you figure you need to appreciate her and that she sometimes needs to feel loved and taken care of.

Suprise her sometime when she comes home from work with something special....like having the dishes done or have dinner started. You will be amazed that what you give will be given back.

Answer 5

Well, there is a possibility that your mom also have psychiatric problems. It would be better if you convince her to go to a psychologist/psychiatrist and discuss your problems there. The fact that she tries to change the topic of your conversation means that she is trying to avoid something (it may be that she also suffers from the disorders you suffer) to avoid emotional and psychological pain. While you have fights with her, it does not mean that she does not care for you or love you. She might not be able to express her emotions directly.

The remedy is to consult a psychiatrist/psychologist ASAP.

Answer 6

those are hard issues to deal with for anyone. maybe you should talk to a counselor. If you are in high school, you should know your counselor. If you are in college, go to the health office. If not in school, there are hot lines that are able to help. I gave you a few on depression. (I am not assuming you are suicidal) But maybe they can refer you to someone near you that can help. there are usually local clinics in cities that have help when needed. I understand about the depression, it is hard to deal with. If you need to chat let me know, I am usually chatting on the weekends. I can give you some tips to help deal better with some of those things. hope things get better for you.

Answer 7

you and your mother are obviously the same type of person, both wanting to talk about their own problems and wanting sympathy from eachother, unfortunately each individuals happiness depends on themselves, its a cold world where people dont really care to sit down and help others, so you remain responsible for yourself, i suggest you start working through your issues, see what makes you do the things you do then balance them out with things that makes you happy, set a goal for yourself and let it be to listen to your mothers problems and help her find sulotions to her problems first if need be, you may realise later on that some of your problems were born out of hers, and so you will find ways to overcome them, you knnow it is true that when you help others you really are helping yourself, be there for her ans show her that you are capable of caring for and loving her, maybe she needs to know this, maybe she feels that yuor cutting and depression is because your a very lonely and unhappy girl and that she failed as a mother, both you and i know this isnt true as you are seeking her love and support. good luck

Answer 8

first of all, may god bless you and keep you, secondly, you need to give your burdens and worries to god.. Unload them. I would say fill a helium balloon with all your troubles, tell God to take them that you don't want them. Surrender your life to him.. Seriously, then let the balloon go and let God do the work .. Do you know that unless you are happy with yourself and allow God to do these things. Noone else, noone here on this planet will be able to make you happy.. Look within, and above and don't sweat the small stuff.. God bless.

Answer 9

Ask her to take the "Family-to-Family Education Program" that's offered free by the National Alliance on Mental Illness.
http://www.nami.org/Template.cfm?Section=Family-to-Family

Here's what the Family-to-Family course meant to a father who has a son with schizophrenia.
http://www.nami.org/Template.cfm?Section=Family-to-Family&template=/ContentManagement/ContentDisplay.cfm&ContentID=33778

If you don't already have a psychologist or counselor, please find one who you feel comfortable talking with. If you do have one, look for a support group as well. (A psychologist/counselor could give you a referrral for a support group.)

If your mom can't get to a Family-to-Family course, she and you could benefit if she would sit down with your psychologist/counselor. Your psychologist/counselor may explain to her the importance of family support to a person such as yourself. I wish you the best. Take care.

Answer 10

i think you should talk to her, speak frankly, tell her how you feel. If she ignore you again, try to talk with the other...like your father, grandma, aunt...or maybe her friend. Tell the one that will make your mum listen to. No matter what happen, don't give up. Sometime, plp will misunderstand or over-look about some issue or phenomena...i think you should be patient and calm...& don't give up easily! Good Luck!