How BAD is that?

Question

I want my boyfriend to have money. Is not that I wish him to be very rich, but I couldn't get out with him and pay for the dinner.
Is this to be blaimed?
Or am I RIGHT to think like that?

Answer 1

no that is not bad..he should pay for dinner

Answer 2

No, its not bad to want your boyfriend to be financially stable. But are you paying for outings all of the time, or is it dutch, or on you? Just approach him in conversation like, "I was thinking about how much the two of us make as a combined income, and thought it would be nice if maybe we did some other things to suppliment our income to be able to do more things". Don't just come out and tell him he needs to make more money. And always approach it as a "we" problem, this way he is not offended and doesn't feel that you're being materialistic. This worked for me in the past.
You have every right to feel the way you do, especially if your relationship and functions are straining your pocket book. It takes two to be in a relationship, and its not fair if you have to pay for everything all of the time. Another way to do this is just to stop going to dinner. Instead, make it for him at home. And if he asks why you're making dinner, then politely tell him that you cannot afford to take him to dinner all of time. He'll get the point.

Answer 3

I think the guy should initially pay for most things, but as the relationship progresses things get split more, or you just go back and forth paying. It isn't fair to the guy if he always has to pay. Personally, I like to pay for things even though I don't have much money, I always find a way to be able to afford it. A part of me thinks you are right, a part of me thinks you're a bit wrong. But I would lean more towards you being right.

Answer 4

It all depends, dear.
If it is a first date and the guy does not pay, he is not likely to see me again (he may be happy about it, but still). I will always offer to pick up my part, but expect to be kindly shooed.

Next, I will always expect to pick a part - although I prefer to do it on alternate occasions, rather than splitting a bill to the cent, I find that quite depressing... unless the guy has so large supply of cash, that I don't worry... then I try to reciprocate with picking up drinks, or bringing a good bottle of wine or dessert, or by inviting him for a home cooked meal... ;) make sense?

One thing is equal opportunities (that we still don't have anyway, nor equal salaries for equal work!!!), quite another social conventions and polite behaviour.

To Simon: judging a man on his money is not worse than judging a girl on her looks only. Both are stupid and do not garantee any better relationship. :)

Answer 5

I think that if the two of you can't be together without spending money say just enjoying each other and time together maybe you should think about breaking up. If you breakup you might have extra time to get a job or be a waitress at a restaurant, then you can eat at a discount or maybe for free. Good luck!

Answer 6

Many years ago (in the days when some of us - the older generation) were taught chivalry we would not dream of inviting a woman friend out unless we (us blokes) paid for everything. Some of us still believe in the philosophy - but apparently since women successfully fought for equal opportunities and rights this has now sadly faded.

Likewise - allowing women to go first when alighting transport - opening doors of shops, cinemas, theatres etc - to allow women to enter/exit first.

Similarly, standing up and allowing women to sit in crowded buses or trains.

Answer 7

as long as you also take a turn in paying that's O.K. years ago before women were expected to work, and people could afford to eat out, (which was not many) that was excepted.
In this culture we are in now, a lot of men are not working and the femail is the bread winner. In my case this is so. But I still pay on occasions in principle, for the balance of our relationship

Answer 8

You should take turns to pay every time you go out, if you paid on the last occasion he should pay on the next and so on and so forth.

I've always used that approach when going out, that or splitting the bill right there and then 50/50.

Happy compromise!

Answer 9

Most women think the same way. So I suppose it's normal.
But as a Man, I think judging someone by how much money they have is shallow.
Einstein was poorer than Oppenheimer.
Gandhi was much poorer than Queen Victoria.

But I shouldn't judge, because traditionally Women needed a Man to support them. I suppose until that changes Women will mostly judge Men by their money.

Answer 10

Life and relationship isnt about compromise it's about acceptance. If a requirement for your ideal mate have money to take you out to dinner and this one does not and it bothers you to the point that you need to ask if it is ok that you wish for him to be different then he already is then whats next?
The entire point of dating is looking for that one person you feel is perfect for you without change not one you can change. yes it is wrong to want something from another that isnt how they are. learn to accept or move on.

Answer 11

A man should pay for the dinner. Period. That's how the world goes. I would expect a man to be financially secure enough to take his lady out for a dinner.