I took a tresspass order out on my lazy, out of work,abusive 18yr old son today?

Question

I feel absolutely stink about it but have had enough of his bludging....am I an unnatural mother....I felt it was the only way to wake him up and move him on.

Thank you sooo much for all the supporting comments....it's really nice to know/hear I am on the right track.

Answer 1

I think that it is a good stand. As long as you let him he will continue to lean on you. His attitude show that he has no intentions to become self supporting and his abusiveness must not be tolerated. If he shows a willingness to become respectful and want to be civil and sit down and try and communicate then it would be a start for the better. At this point though he has to learn the hard way...and he has a lot to learn.

I know that in no way you can feel good about your situation. I feel that you truly love your son. Life can be cruel but we have to do our best in what we believe is right.
Hopefully your son is smart enough to see the error of his ways and wake up to the love of his mother.
Good luck to you. You have my empathy and I hope for you the best.

Answer 2

Hey Lyndles

No you are not a bad mother! It must have taken so much out off you but no doubt you did what was best for both of you. Sometimes children need a wake up call and here's hoping this will work.

You remind me of a friend who had to go through the motions as well. By the time she did it, she was an absolute wreck. She was working two jobs to bring in money to pay for his debts as well ... Yes he was good at spending her money, she was also on anti-depressants and practically suicidal. She did it because we all told her that was the only thing to do. We had all explained to him why we wanted her to do it. Basically ... To keep her alive! Physically and mentally.

She felt so guilty, called ehrself a failure, bad mother etc. But we all remained by her side, let her talk her feelings through./ Of course he made a lot more mistakes but this time ... He couldn't go home to her so eventually had to learn to self-assume, take responsibility for his own actions. It was five years ago. He's now in a stable relationship with a lovely woman, they've just had their first chil, he works regularly and visits his mum with his g/f and baby girl on a weekly basis.

So indeed it was a tough measuer to take but ... It was the making of him. I do sio hope your son will do the same! As for yourself, you need to take time out, rest, pamper yourself, get yourself over the trauma and negative emotions following the order. You will feel better in a while.

You're in my thoughts.

Answer 3

You are doing the right thing which is natural for parents to be concerned about 18 year old who do not want to anything .If he will not do it now he will never do it , so be Strong and do not fall prey to the parent trap. Your actions now will help your son to become a better human being in his life in future

Answer 4

No, good job!!!! That's the only way to get him to come to his senses and get himself a job, life, etc. Otherwise, they'll wind up like my brother, 23, and still living with the parents, no job, completely dependant, and with no real chance of success. Your son will be better off for this, even though he's mad right now. You did the right thing.

Answer 5

The world would be a better place if there were more parents like you. Stick to your guns-don't take him back or he'll know he owns you for the rest of his life.

Answer 6

sometimes as parents we have to have tough love.
I have been there with my son and it hurts, but you gotta not let him abuse the family.

My son eventually pulled his life together. He even appologized to me. Pray that your son will grow up . STand firm

Answer 7

the apple doesn't fall far from the tree.

Answer 8

good for you