i have 1 friend who is a really great friend but over the last year we have not been as close. we always said we would be each others bridesmaids. now i want another friend and my sister and feel that if i ask her i'm not really doing it for the right reasons and i don't know how to tell her ahhhhhhhh!!!!!!
2006-08-27 20:45:40 · 23 answers · asked by Anonymous in Family & Relationships ➔ Weddings
she will be pissed but she'll get over it - you only get one wedding (well you are supposed to) so do it your way
2006-08-27 20:47:55 · answer #1 · answered by boo 5 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Choose the new friend as the maid/matron of honor, and ask the old friend to be a regular bridesmaid. One year of less contact doesn't make you any less friends, but it can change how you are living your lives.
If you are only going to have one attendant, then find time to sit down with each separately. Talk with them about your dilemma. Tell them that while they are both very important to you, you can't have them both stand up with you. Then calmly explain that you are having a hard time choosing, and ask how willing they would be to do all the work, spend the time, put forth the effort, spend the money, etc... that being the main (or in this case only) attendant would require. The maid of honor is traditionally responsible for throwing the bachlorette party, helping the bride with gown shopping, choosing colors, patterns, flowers, attending fittings, paying for her bridesmaid dress, and much more. Maybe one of them will ask that you not choose her due to time and/or money constraints.
If they both are willing, then it's up to you to decide who you think will have more time and the money to take care of the responsibilities. If the one lives far apart, then choose the woman who lives closer to you. If one is struggling and the other is stable, choose the stable one. You should choose the woman who you think is going to do a better job of helping you to plan your day.
2006-08-28 01:45:08 · answer #2 · answered by welches_grape_jelly 6 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Well if you feel so differently about her now that things have changed this past year, do you not suspect she might feel differently about you as well... and there is the alternative chance she may be relieved to not have to spend a fortune on a dress and shoes and accesories for someone she doesnt feel so close to either ~ it's your wedding, your decisions and everyone else friend, family etc needs to abide by your wishes for your perfect day.... best way to handle it is just be honest with her, and you can always suggest that she take another duty to be part of the wedding, like attend to the guest registrar, or serve at the reception if you're comfortable with her doing that.
2006-08-27 20:54:33 · answer #3 · answered by someone s 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Since I don't know this girlfriend of yours, it's going to be really hard to determine how she'll react if you don't ask her. If you don't want her, then don't ask her, and I honestly don't know if I'd even explain it to her. If she has the gall to ask you about it, you know the "why didn't you ask me to be your bridesmaid?" I'd tell her you only wanted your sister, and one other friend. Maybe you can give her a reading to do, or have her hand out programs at the wedding, or some other job that will show her she's important to you. Good luck!
2006-08-28 03:58:49 · answer #4 · answered by basketcase88 7 · 0⤊ 0⤋
If you are not close any more then it's not just one sided, you have grown apart anyway. Surely she will realise that you would want to ask a closer friend. She will probably be annoyed and won't ask you to have anything to do with her wedding. The easy way out if you don't want to rock the boat is to have 3 bridesmaids, your sister, friend and her.
2006-08-27 22:31:03 · answer #5 · answered by jaygirl 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
I had bridesmaids at my first wedding, and my mother refused to let me have one of my closest friends, she said they were paying and there was no way they would pay for the wedding if I insisted I asked her. This was a really awkward thing as I then had to explain that to her, she was deeply hurt and although i asked her to sign my register she was really upset and never forgave me for it. We lost touch since then and she resisted any attempts at a reconciliation, so I lost a very good friend over that.
2006-08-28 20:42:32 · answer #6 · answered by sparkleythings_4you 7 · 0⤊ 0⤋
well... that's a tough one. It can really hurt a persons feelings if they are not asked. is the other friend obviously you best friend? because for one she cant be mad about the sister, but she may about the friend. depending on how long you have known her and the closeness you share, the situation could go good or bad. but seriously she wont call you out on it... that is something taboo to do. just don't expect to hold a place in her wedding.
2006-08-27 20:50:15 · answer #7 · answered by copaceticlove 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
have an extra bridesmaid, not worth upsetting people over losing friendships, ask her if she still wnts to be a bridesmaid, shop on abay, save a fortune a dresses, theres a lot of shops that sell identical decandent bridesmaides dress for £200 for 4 dresses made to measure, plus there are cheaper
2006-08-29 13:03:25 · answer #8 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
Just don't ask her, I'm sure she knows that you aren't as close as you used to be. She might even be relieved that she doesn't have to spend all the money to be in a wedding. If she brings it up, tell her you wanted to have a small wedding with just your sister and best friend.
2006-08-27 22:15:55 · answer #9 · answered by maigen_obx 7 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Does she still think you're close friends?
I'm actually wondering if your a friend of mine!
A friend of mine might be getting married but I don't see so much of her now she moved away.
I have to admit I would be upset if she didn't choose me especially as we were such close friends and have been through a lot together. We would have still been close if she hadn't have moved which obviously wasn't my fault.
I would get over it but I don't think our relationship would ever be the same.
2006-08-27 23:00:39 · answer #10 · answered by wendywitch 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
1. it is your wedding and your day.
2. They do get cut up...but you must be happy on your day!
3. Always do thing for the right reasons!
2006-08-27 20:56:33 · answer #11 · answered by insane2mad 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋