How do i get my dad to stop yelling?

Question

My dad has an anger problem and he doesn't accept it. He will freak out over stupid little things like when i asked one time if i could drive the car maybe. I meant could he show me how and just let me do the brake and stuff. He flipped! He yelled and raged for 3 hours! i was sobbing at the end and i absolutely hated him. i don't know what to do with that. i have often thought of running away but im smarter than that. i almost walked home once when we were about a mile away. my mom is really nonconfrontational but i am so i just yell back. it has gone on my entire life so i am not as afraid of him anymore. he can be fun just not when he's mad which is often and it takes hardly anything. he never hits me or anything like that. if he did i would probably hit him back. i don't want to end up like him-i have a temper but i never want it to escalate to that especially when i have kids.

Answer 1

I know what it is like to grow up in a house with yelling. I do not think you are destined to be a yeller. I am not one. I know how it hurts people and I don't do it.

People who yell like to intimidate and bully people. I hate to tell you this, but I don't think your dad will change at all. He either can't help it or he enjoys it. I think with most people it is a little of both. Most of us don't yell back because we know it does no good to try to discuss things with someone who is yelling. This makes the yeller thinks he has won. But on the other hand it does no good to yell back either as that enrages them further.

I resented my mother for not sticking up for me when I was younger, but of course I no longer feel that way.

Good luck to you. Just TRY to relax and keep thinking "I will not do this to another person." You are young, you will end up leaving home and developing your own life. When you are a self-supporting adult, you can set some limits. You can visit until any yelling starts, then walk out. You will no longer have to put up with this.

Answer 2

Read this book. THE Dance of Anger. It saved my saniety.

Don't hate your dad, hate his behavior. I am wondering what happened in his past that makes him this way. It is good that you choose to change this behavior at your generation. Otherwise it will be passed down to future generations.
Does your dad drink?

You are bright to not run away. You probably don't have too many years left until you are old enough to be on your own.

Learn some ways to deal with your own temper. Like jogging or something to work out the tension that comes from stress. I swim.

It sounds like your mom is nonconfrontational because she wants to avoid any arguments. I wonder what in her past makes her think that it is ok to stayed married to someone so angry?
You can't chage your parents, but you can change the way you react. Keep yourself busy. Get a job, go to church...anything to keep your self busy in a healthy way. Please don't turn to drugs or drink or you will end up like your dad.

Do you have any adult you can trust enough to discuss this with?

Hang in there and stick with your resolve to make a better life for yourself.

Answer 3

Have a heart to heart talk with him. Not in a confrontational way but in a gentle father to daughter talk. (Sorry, I presume you’re a girl). But timing here is important. You must make sure that he's not in a bad mood, tired, hungry, etc. And make sure you do it in private as I believe your dad is not the type who accepts his faults that easily especially with people around. Let him know how his temper is slowly affecting and destroying your relationship including your whole attitude towards him. If he loves you as I believe he does then he'll listen. He might not admit it to you openly and deny that he's got problem with his temper, but he will surely think it over when he's alone. The important thing is you must let him know how you feel towards him right now before the situation worsens and becomes irreparable. Don’t forget to tell him you love him. Believe me, a father’s heart can be as tender as a mother’s heart. You must strive to save your relationship no matter what. A father and child relationship is one of the most precious things in life. I should know as I, too, am a father with daughters of my own. Good luck!

Answer 4

My dad is the same way. All you can do is steer clear of him when he gets like that and just learn to read his signals. For instance, if my dad has a bad day at work he comes home with his teeth tightly clenched. On those days nobody even says Boo to him. Find a reason to be in another room.

Answer 5

Yelling at you, somewhat verbal abuse. Does he have a reason? - Sounds like sometimes he does. Telling you you're stupid and a moron is definitely verbal abuse. I'm sorry he does that... try not to stay near him. Hide out in your room. You won't be 14 forever. Try going to a friends house, spend time there. - Out with friends too. B.

Answer 6

my dad does that only he hits me and my mom he is really big so its hard to fight back he can brake down doors even if I lock em and will be up all night destroying are house and all that I cant call the cops since he will lose his job and we will go poor and it will suck even more you just have to live with it

Answer 7

To answer your question:
He will never stop until he stops being so angry.

You will end up just like him unless you get "fixed" by an outside source: i.e. Therapy, Counseling, etc...

Answer 8

Check out this site.
http://www.angermgmt.com/parents.asp

another
http://dir.salon.com/story/mwt/col/tenn/2004/12/16/aging_parents/index.html

Answer 9

You both need councelling. Talk to a councellor or school nurse for help/ideas.

Good luck :-)