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I just had my baby on Friday. During the pregnancy, I had pre-eclampsia and very bad pelvic bone pain due to a previous fracture. My fiance' has many days of vacation and refused to take any during the pregnancy because he wanted to save them for when we had the baby. Now that the baby is here and I am home, he refuses to take any days off. I am very sore from having this baby and my blood pressure is still running very high. We have three other kids as well, and one turns 1 today. Am i being over emotional by getting upset that he won' t take a day off and help, especially on one of the kids' first b day and all of this? I don't think i am, but it would be nice to see what others thought. For some reason he just has to get to work, and i am not seeing the big deal.

2006-08-27 18:56:18 · 22 answers · asked by amandaped25 4 in Pregnancy & Parenting Other - Pregnancy & Parenting

22 answers

Whoa! You have two little babies?! You got pregnant in the blink of an eye after your one year old was born! I cannot imagine how much work you're doing right now. I'm shocked that you even had time to type out a paragraph!

First off, why is your BP still high? After the delivery, it should return to baseline fairly quickly.

NO, NO, NO, you are NOT being overly emotional! Woman, you need some help and he promised to provide it and now he's not. Not cool. No doubt, he has no idea how hard it is to take care of little babies and there's no way he'll ever understand how much your poor overly-worked body is going through right now. You just gave birth, you're very tired, your hormones are all out of whack, you're bleeding, you're lactating, you're sleep deprived ...you're a mess right now and that's normal, but that doesn't mean that you're not entitled to some help. You must get someone to help you if he won't. Call in Supernanny, whomever that might be for you. Your mother? His mother? A friend? SOS?!

He should be taking a good two weeks or more off to help you. Just as long as it takes to get everything and everyone organized. If he won't do that, he needs to hire a someone to help with the cooking and cleaning and the organizing. You can't do it all by yourself without compromising another part of your life and work as a mother. Having babies that close in age is harder than having twins. They're at different stages and the both still need you a lot.

Hats off to you for making it two days already! You're amazing!

2006-08-27 19:09:51 · answer #1 · answered by Answers to Nurse 3 · 3 0

If I could I would bring my "How to be a good husband" counseling assistant and Counsel him. My counselor go by the name of MR. 2x4 and is very pursuasive. After his counseling session the become very good husbands and fathers.

Sorry to say that the only advice I can offer is for counseling. He is a selfish, self-centered, SOB that doesn't give a damn about you or the children. He only cares about what he wants and you are expected to put up with it.

You and the children are there to provide nothing more than his support base. He needs you to provide the services he would have to do for himself or pay to have done. This includes, feeding, laundry, roof over his head and, last but not least, sex.

Take the money he spends for his daily 12 pack of beer and use it to pay for someone to help you.

2006-08-28 02:19:23 · answer #2 · answered by Anonymous · 0 0

Ask him when will he be planning to take time off?
You are not being over-emotional, you have every right to get help from family and friends for crying out loud you just went through the miracle of birth! FAMILY is and should be there to help. If you dont have that, ask your pediatrician for resources?
You are emotional because you are frustrated that your husband is not responding to your physical needs as I know you have got to be tired, lack of sleep compiled with physicla complications...
Definitly pursue counseling yes! and maybe even couples counseling after you get healthy, and baby is a little older. He should be there for you and your family (little ones) and if he is not, there is somethind wrong with that equation, Good luck. Ask your friends/family/chuch/neighbors, maybe they can bring you some frozen casseroles so you can thaw them out for an easy meal......Pediatricans can offer excellent suggestions too. Congratulations, adn dont have any more kids till you guys work this out!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! Your health should not be risked.
As to Mrs.Magoo, I believe in the old days, there would be family there to help with these issues. I havn't heard her say there is anyone helping her. We are meant to be family units, all that has degraded in our industrial society! We are strong women, but together, we should support our sisters, not tsk them because you think they shoudl be perfect little robots!

2006-08-28 02:07:29 · answer #3 · answered by **twin** 4 · 0 0

First of all congratulations on the birth of your baby. In the old days woman did all the baby/house things there self's they never expected there partners to take time off work. and recover time was so much longer but hospital time was as well. do i sound mean well I am sorry if I do I don't mean to sound this way. But women these days get it so much more easy. Then they did years ago.

Now days Man are expected to take time off. Has he got time owing to him that he could take it off and not affect his income.


maybe he is thinking of the money that you will be needing more now. You are right it is not a big deal at all. I don't think it is think of your mum and mothers before us they did it the hard way. anyway all the best with the new baby.

2006-08-28 02:10:25 · answer #4 · answered by Mrs Magoo 4 · 0 2

I don't think you are being unreasonable, and I don't see why he would rather go to work than stay at home helping you... if you havn't yet, i'd say try to sit down and talk to him alone and tell him your having a hard time and ask him to please take the time off. if he says he can't ask him for a good reason. if he can't give you a good reason he's got issues with something and that's about all i can tell you with the info provided.

And of course... congratulations on the new baby... i'm actually taking days off because my wife had her ovary removed during pregnancy.

2006-08-28 02:03:06 · answer #5 · answered by gomerkyle9 3 · 1 0

Honestly if it were me i would be furious. I, Recently having had a child, know how it feels to not have help. I began hemmoraging during labor and my home instructions were to be off my feet and such. Ha! Anyway.......I feel for you in this. But look at his side too. I do not know what he does for a living but perhaps he had an important deadline. My husband now feels after some chats that his daughter and i are the most important things in his life but sometimes going a dday without us is nessacary if he is to continue supporting us as is his duty as husband and father.

2006-08-28 02:07:42 · answer #6 · answered by kelene 2 · 1 0

I think if he has the time at work to take it off then he should be there with you and the babies! Trying to take care of yourself a one year old and a newborn I am sure is pretty hard! If you both are going to have the money for him to take off then YES YES YES..... You need to tell him you really need his support at home right now! Your blood is already high it needs to come down! So you need his help!

2006-08-28 02:27:38 · answer #7 · answered by Tiffany 3 · 0 0

It sound like he is an ***. He is being very selfish. The best thing for you to do is call family and ask for some help during the day. Then you and him need to sit down and talk about his behavior. He is gonna have to help you with these kids. After all they are his kids too. GOOD LUCK.

2006-08-28 02:03:18 · answer #8 · answered by Anonymous · 0 0

You have just given birth!! You need to recover. You deserve some help. If he wont take any time off, and you can find a way to afford it, hire help. Get someone to do the cooking and cleaning, and take the other children to the park so you can lay in bed and nurse that baby!

2006-08-28 03:30:11 · answer #9 · answered by sheila 4 · 0 0

The same thing happened to my granddaughter. She only had the one child, had lost one in miscarriage. Hubby takes off from work for a month before baby was born, after the baby was born he goes back to work. Comes in from work, says he's going fishing and out the door. My granddaughter goes into postpartum depression, which stupid husband did not even notice. Not a good ending to this story. Might not hurt to get someone to babysit and follow hubby. I'm not saying that he is cheating, but it sure wouldn't hurt to find out. Granddaughters hubby is a heartless b*****d.

2006-08-28 02:15:22 · answer #10 · answered by luv2so2 3 · 2 0

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