My irresponsible sister is pregnant. I'm jealous. How can I get rid of this jealousy?

Question

My husband and I have been trying for three years to get pregnant, and this morning my mother calls me to let me know that my sister is pregnant. My sister is a little over a year older than I am, but she also lives with four other people, one of which is her current boyfriend, in an apartment that I wouldn't inflict on a homeless person. She has a past - and present - of drug use, a past of prostitution, and can't keep a job for more than a month before being fired. To add horror to that, she rarely if ever uses any kind of birth control or protection, and won't have herself tested for STDs because she's afraid of the results. The father of this baby is an ex-convict three times over. She can't take care of herself, much less a baby. We hardly ever see her, even at family gatherings, because her boyfriend refuses to do anything around the family and won't let her go anywhere without him.

I feel pretty justified in being angry about her allowing herself [Cont...]

to get pregnant under these circumstances. I'm also extremely jealous, because she's ended up pregnant accidentally while we've been trying for so long. I wish I could just stop being jealous. I also wish that our family could have some kind of relationship with this baby, but that's not going to be possible with things as they are. My mother is no help with this, because she's suddenly forgotten how stupid and irresponsible my sister is, and is just excited about getting her first grandchild. Any suggestions for working out the jealousy?

Answer 1

may be you can solve both problems,her's and your's . talk to her about adopting the baby shes gonna have.that should keep grandma happy also.

Answer 2

A first I was ready to say that you should try to be happy for her and that your day will come but after reading I truely hope that you are over exagerating alot. If not then the best thing that I can say is that since she is your sister see if you can help her get the prenatal care she needs. Also get her some help to get off drugs. And in the end when she has the baby call social services and get that baby out of there. It sounds like she is not in any shape to take care of her self let alone a baby. But for your comfort I know what you are going through kinda. My husband and I had been trying for quite sometime. And every month when I got my period I would be devistated. then one day I was at my moms house and she told me that this girl that I grew up with and WAS best friends with all through childhood had gotten pregnant. She was living at home no job, not even a drivers liscens and she was a partier. she went out all the time and never had a steady boyfriend. The first thing I asked my mom is what was the date she was going to be on Maury getting 10 guys a paternity test trying to figure out who the dad was. I couldnt help it. I was so mad at her, and especially God because I kept thinking here we are and we want a baby and then here she is getting it. But as time goes on it will get easier. People do not understand that when you are trying to get pregnant and you cant you see babies everywhere. Pregnant women are all over the place and kids ar around every corner mocking you or at least you think they are mocking you. There is nothing that I or any one else can say to make it go away or to make you get pregnant. The only thing I can say is I am very sorry for what you are having to go through but do not give up. I will pray for you and your sisters unlucky child. I hope this gave you some comfort. GOOD LUCK.

Answer 3

I would just wait around very patiently because if you truly love your sister then you will help her out when she has the baby and continues on with her terrible ways. Tell her you'll help out with the baby since she obviously will not be able to. But just remember the baby you will eventually have will have a 99.9% chance of being completely healthy as opposed to what her unborn child is being subjected too, drugs, std's, viruses?who knows? Concentrate on the positive things like yourself and just be there for when the time is right and she may need you to help her out and take over with her baby. Don't waste your time on being angry. She's playing with life and that is really sad. Be a great sister and just wait, you'll see.

Answer 4

I can understand that you'd feel that life is really being unfair right now.

Try to realize the good things that you have that your sis doesn't - a stable family situation, a decent normal life. Maybe that will help you not feel so jealous

Maybe, just possibly, being pregnant will encourage your sister to clean up her act. And if she doesn't, that innocent baby is going to need all the family support he/she can get!

Good luck on having your own good news soon - and that really will be GOOD news.

Just a comment - if you've been trying for three years without success, you should probably be evaluated by a fertility specialist. Sometimes there can be some minor, fixable thing keeping you from getting pregnant.

Answer 5

Ugh, that sounds familiar. The only difference between your sister and my cousin is that she doesn't have a past of prostitution (that I know of, at least). I'm as disgusted with my relative as you are with yours. I'm sorry you're having to deal with her, too. :(

I don't really have any advice on getting over your jealousy (haven't found a way around mine yet). I do understand, though. If you ever find that her baby (if it makes it to birth) has been neglected or abused, call social services. That's what I'm afraid someone will have to end up doing to my cousin. As bad as the system is, at least it's better than having that kind of environment inflicted on the kid. I hope you achieve pregnancy soon, sweetie.

Answer 6

I'm not sure how you can go about getting rid of it, BUT I understand why you are. It makes since I would be to.. but sometimes that's just the messed up way the world works, and although it isn't fair, we have to deal with it. just relax and let nature take its coarse. remember though if she is on drugs she has a good chance of a miscarriage, or CPS will take the Child from her. You can try feeling sorry for the baby that might help. Don't be to hard on yourself thought.. you have every right to have those feelings.

Answer 7

Would it be possible to offer to adopt your sisters child? It doesn't sound like your sister has it together, but sometimes a baby will make a person grow up. I wish you the best but all you can do is offer to take the child as your own otherwise be there for your sister and be a wonderful aunt and try and have your own child.

Answer 8

Don't be jealous, feel sorry for the child that she is bringing into the world. I know that it is hard to feel anything but good when someone (who probably doesn't deserve it) has something that you have always wanted, but her problems are only beginning. Especially when there is a child brought into it. You have every reason for being angry and jealous because it sounds like she is very irresponsible, but your sister will need you (believe it or not) and sometimes things that seem so bad are sometimes a blessing in disguise. Good Luck and God Bless....

Answer 9

Get yourself and your husband to the doctors office so you can be checked out that you can both are able to have kids.
As far as your sister goes, support her like your mother is, she's having a baby and is probably over the moon, try to be happy for her, just like you would expect others to be of you when you get pregnant. You never know your sister actually being a mother may put her life back on the right tracks. Like I said, offer support to your sis, like buying her a pregnacy book or something, and giving her a voucher for maternity clothes, and get yourself to your GP office..

Answer 10

first of all if you have been trying that long for a child i can see why you would be jelouse of her but why not be the bigger person and ask her to come stay with you and help her with everything that is going to happen with the baby on the way but if yu do this then she has to give you full custody of the baby when it is born and get it signed with a lawer so it is a binding contract that way you all can get your baby and help some one out in return and also then you all could keep trying and hopefully have one on your own someday good luck and keep trying

Answer 11

Don't be jealous. That kid is going to have ahard life with such a crazy mother. But let your neice/nephew know that you and your husband will always be there for them. You'll soon have a baby and a wonderful family. Make your sister and neice/nephew part of that. Let them share the love and warmth.