my friend is asking me for advice but I just don't know how a guy would feel. She was raped by a family friend around age 10.
She has been celibate since then.
She doesn't know if she should tell her new boyfriend about this, she is afraid he might be scared off or something. What should I tell her? Would any of you guys be scared off?
2006-08-27 17:12:51 · 26 answers · asked by marnicduff 2 in Family & Relationships ➔ Singles & Dating
there are just some information worth keeping to one self.
2006-08-27 17:15:21 · answer #1 · answered by St. Anthony of Y!Answers 4 · 1⤊ 3⤋
It may feel weird, but I wouldn't be scared off. Just think about the fact that she felt comfortable with you to tell you. Maybe she trust you or maybe she feels that you could help her. I would perhaps suggest that her new boyfriend doesn't need to know right now since he is a new boyfriend and that she should try to find a therapist that she could talk with about the rape incidence.
2006-08-28 00:45:14 · answer #2 · answered by dubdwells 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Some guys might feel weird, but if she has been dating this guy for a while and the lack of sex is coming into question....well...she needs to give him an explanation on what the hold up is. If he doesn't understand and thinks weird thoughts about her then this isn't someone she needs to worry about losing. Because it's obvious they have a lack of compassion. But if this id someone in the newer dating category I would hold off until we are more comfortable and know each other better.
2006-08-28 00:21:37 · answer #3 · answered by Anonymous · 1⤊ 0⤋
If one is caring and considerate then they will talk about it gladly with you. However if too much emotional liability is perceived by the partner the relationship may very easily turn sour. The partner may feel more as a parent or therapist, and that's not sexy or romantic at all. The best thing to do is too explain it with as little detail as possible to him before the relationship gets to involved, if he asks for more, tell him more. But she really needs to talk too a therapist who can really help her deal with her sad memories in an effective way, plus she wont have to make anything too weird by putting too much on the boyfriend.
2006-08-28 00:24:49 · answer #4 · answered by Zanzibar 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Well, I've been the girl doing the telling. Most guys act a little weird, but overall they want to kick the butt of the one who did it. They get protective. One thing you didn't say is how old she is now. If she's still a teen, teen guys are a little less able to handle such things than when you hit your 20s. I've never had a guy be totally scared off by it.
2006-08-28 00:18:45 · answer #5 · answered by Kanga_tush2 6 · 1⤊ 0⤋
my wife was raped by a boy in high school and i found out while we were dating. i was anything but turned off...i knew she had gone through A LOT because of it and wanted someone to talk to about it. no two people react the same to it...but as for being a guy...i was not scared off (she's my wife now). it is going to come out in the relationship at some point if they get serious...so i would say it depends on how serious they are. it's not something you really want to go blurting out to everyone that you run into...but at the same time, it has left a scar and that will come out in the relationship so it's only fair to your partner to let them know about it. hope that helps.
2006-08-28 00:17:26 · answer #6 · answered by Joboo 2 · 1⤊ 0⤋
Something that important needs to be shared at some point during a relationship. But, not towards the beginning. Get to know the other person first. As the relationship develops, this needs to be discussed. If it scares off the guy, he isn't the right person for her anyway.
2006-08-28 00:17:25 · answer #7 · answered by Paul B 2 · 1⤊ 0⤋
I personally would not be scared off. It might help her too. She obvioulsy must trust him a lot ot consider telling him. It could also help the boyfriend understand her more. For example if she doesnt like something. Honesty still needs to work in any relationship. So good luck with this.
2006-08-28 00:18:33 · answer #8 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
I have been in that situation(being told by my first real girlfriend ). I think it helps if she tells her boyfriend ,but only if he can be trusted. When it comes down to sexual situations he needs to let her take more of a control posture until she feels comfortable. Control meaning let her start things at her own pace not his,no pressure at all. If she thinks he will be scared off then maybe she needs a new boyfriend.
2006-08-28 00:25:54 · answer #9 · answered by Anonymous · 1⤊ 0⤋
I don't recommend offering up this little tidbit of information until and unless there is a reason to. As part of a discussion to which the information is relevant, then no, it would not weird me out. Not sure what I would make of it if just popped out of the blue.
2006-08-28 00:20:58 · answer #10 · answered by Hums2oldies 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
I do hope your friend has had counseling for what happened to her.
I also hope she is not intending to engage in a sexual relationship with her boyfriend.
I also hope she decides to value herself and not have a sexual relationship outside of marriage.
Her boyfriend does n ot neeed to know of this, it is something she may like to disclose to a man she is about to marry, because the memory of the rape may cause her some difficulty in her responses when she does engage in sexual advances from her husband, he will need to be aware and so be sensitive to her needs to feel safe and secure in his love and understanding.
2006-08-28 00:18:47 · answer #11 · answered by Christine M 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋