How do i cope with my alcoholic father?

Question

I m 19 yrs old n i m one of 6 sisters. I have a wonderful mother who holds the world on her sholders. My father on the other hand is n alcoholic. Its gotton worse since ive gotton older. I do not live at home but my mother n 2 younger sisters do. My father is n angry drunk by the way. (Very angry) I keep going ovr my moms house 2 visit and i guess try 2 make things work. But its not happening. My dad is always drunk. He sleeps on the couch and no1 talks 2 him but me i guess when i go ovr. Well i try to talk to him about my life n he just nods his hed. He doesnt care. My 2 younger sisters always call me telling me what kind of mean things he says 2 them n how he treats my mom. I want 2 just delete everyone from my life n move on. I live with my bf n i get so stressed out from my family problems at my moms house that i have bad moods swings twards my boyfriend n i know thats wrong. I need 2 get on some depression meds. But in the mean time can sum1 help me deal with this? Please

Answer 1

Dear, I too grew up in an alcoholic household (my father).......As I got older I realized that there was nothing I could do to change him, he had to want to change himself.......If I were you, I would talk to your mom and sisters about joining Al-Anon.....It's great help for the families of alcoholics and will give them the strength to get on with life.........Take care, it gets better...........

Answer 2

My father was an alcoholic. He was until the day he died. He was also an abusive alcoholic. I remember sitting there whatching him beat the hell out of my mom for nothing. He did it everyday, and when he got really mad he would go after my two brothers. I'm so thankful that he never laid a hand on me. Try to get him some help. One time I wanted my dad to get sent to jail just so he would actually sober up. Now, my oldest brother is an alcoholic. He is better than my dad. He doesn't get mean or nasty with someone. Its really hard to have to live with this in my family, so I know what your going threw. I really can't say much on how to get him help since I didn't do it myself, but you could try talking to you doctor and getting on some meds. Then join a group that help peoples families deal with an alcoholic. Your doctor might have something in mind on the support groups. Make sure to ask him about it. Good Luck

Answer 3

Its very difficult to help someone if they are not willing to be helped. Addicts need to be self motivated to work a recovery programme, or attend AA meetings. Sadly, this is often when an addict has hit rock bottom and sees the need within themselves to do something about their problem.

Addiction is a very selfish thing. The addicted person does not see the hurt they cause others, they only see their only want, and that is a drink.

You can offer your dad the opportunity to him help, but you must not feel responsible if he refuses. I trust it won't be too long before he is able to see his need and seek help.

I have 2 members of my family, a brother and a son, (who don't live with me) who are not prepared to do anything about their problem. On the other hand, I work in an residential rehab and work with those who are giving their recovery a good try. Sadly, not everyone makes it through, but with sheer grit and determination some do/

Answer 4

Whatever you do, don't go on anti-depressants. They have severe long-term effects and your problem is chronic rather than acute. It's a hard thing to do, but you must separate yourself from your father AND your family of origin and find healing. You may not realize this now, but you, too, need to be healed. Find a good prayer group and start attending Al-Anon and do the best you can to make good choices. Living with a boyfriend is not a good choice. You need to learn to make it on your own before you can have a successful relationship. Find good mentors who can act as surrogate mother and father. Pray always - you've got some best friends in heaven who can help you so much and all you have to do is ask.

Answer 5

First and foremost, stop thinking you need drugs to deal with this.
Secondly, you are not going to change your father.
Thirdly, it's not your fault. Stop shouldering the blame for your mom not doing anything about this, and your sisters being in the middle of it. If they're in physical danger, call for help, don't take this on yourself. Check yourself, is your boyfriend a drinker? Sometimes children of alcoholics marry alcoholics to try to fix the problem they couldn't fix at home. If you see that in your boyfriend, run the other way, you don't want that crap in your house too. As long as he is allowed to act the way he does, nothing will change. Alcoholics don't wake up one morning and say

"Oh, gee, I've been beating my wife and children and throwing up in the living room too long, guess I'll go for help."

Good Luck

Answer 6

I'm really sorry to hear this but you can't fix them ...your mom has to get out of it and all you can do is tell her how you feel ... and for your sisters' sake do so ..whether she likes it or not ..she needs someone to speak up and tell her what is on their mind .. depending on how old your sisters are they need to have your mom get them out of his life at least until he straightens up a bit..he is gonna make then just as depressed as you are and that's not good..... but all you can do is tell them and then STOP going over there you are only gonna make yourself more and more depressed ..I know it's hard to turn your back on them but its what you have to do and let them know especially your dad why you are doing it ..but also let your sisters know that if they ever need you that they can call you or come over you will always be there for them ..

Answer 7

Get away from them until you are stronger. It may be awhile but do it. Then when you come around them you can be stronger in dealing with that situation and will know how to handle it. Right now, you need to focus on yourself. Your mom knows what she is doing and is responsible for her situation and your younger siblings will need to leave when they are able as well. Then, make sure you don't repeat the pattern when you marry and have kids.

Answer 8

One of the best things you can do is start going to Alanon meetings. It is a support system for family members of alcoholics. The meetings are free, and the people there really understand where you are coming from since they have been in your same position. You may not be able to fix your family, but you can take care of yourself. Just take the step and call them. The number will be in the phone book.

Answer 9

Check for Alcoholics Anonymous in your area. You can then find out about AL-Anon, which is for people who have alcoholics in their lives. If not for yourself, it may help your mom and sisters. Also, PRAY to the Father in Jesus' name for guidance and wisdom. He'll show you what to do. God bless you.

Answer 10

I am glad that you are seeking help. Do not stop, get help from as many people / organizations as you can. There are many organization that you can ask for advise. Have you tried talking to your dad?

Also have your tried praying to God ask Him to give you wisdom on how to handle this problem - God bless.