I need some advice, serious answers only please.?

Question

I am having the hardest time with my 5 year old daughter. It seems like a constant battle with her from the moment the sun comes up to the moment that it goes down. She says that no oneloves her and thatwe are all mean to her, when in reality, she thinks that it is ok to through a fit, whenever she feels like it. I need some advice, i am tired of crying myself to sleep, and hearing her do the same. It is tearing meup inside and i don't know what to do, or who to turn to. Please if you have some advice please let meknow. thank you so much.

i just had another daughter 6 months ago, she seemed to be fine for the first few months, now all hell has broken loose. Iknow we need to get professional help, but should it be family or individual counsiling

Answer 1

I think you need to set boundaries with your five year old.
Spend quality time with her and if she throws a fit put her in time out let her know that she won't get attention for her outbursts!
Sounds like sibliing rivalry, I would try and arrange for your husband to watch the baby and include one on one time with your daughter. Take her out to the store with you and let her decide little things (also around the house) asks her what she thinks and then thank her for being such a big help. Remind her of how much you love her. You can let her feel like the big sister and make sure you pay special attention to her. When the baby is sleeping spend quality time with her. Above all let her know that your the Mom and that arguing isn't exceptable, tantrums=time out. When she is being a big help she will see first hand the amount of attention that gets. Include Dad let him take her out for an ice cream or to the park and have him remind her that babys don't get ice cream.
I hope you see where I am going with this and good luck~

Answer 2

I think your daughter is feeling left out. You said that you had a baby about 6 months ago? Well, she could feel like all of the attention was focused on her and now she has to share. I would just try spending more time with her. Take her with you somewhere and leave the other baby with dad.My son is 4, but he will be 5 in October. He like to just help out with dishes, laundry, and if I babysit he likes to tell me what I'm doing wrong(he will say something like mom you need to let me pack the diaper bag, cuz you aren't doing it right). He likes doing those things, because he can spend time with me. Or she could be spoiled. And the best way I know how to do that is toughen up. Say no and mean no. Don't let her win. If she starts throwing a fit at home for no real reason. Walk away and just let her have a fit. Once she sees you walk away she should stop after a few minutes. Most of all don't get upset about it. Getting upset is only going to make things worse. She might think that she is getting her way. Other than that....maybe try family counseling

Answer 3

I'm reading this right...your daughter is 5 and she is causing so much turmoil in the family that you and her are going to bed crying each night? Honey, the problem is not your daughter, the problem lies with your parenting. I'm not saying that to be mean, I'm saying that to be honest and so that you can change this, and change it now. This little girl is in desperate need of some love. I'm not saying you don't love her, I'm saying that if she doesn't feel it, all the love in the world isn't going to fix this situation. It sounds as though she feels like she doesn't fit in anywhere and that often happens when another sibling comes into the family. You have to get her involved in helping with the new baby, but make it fun. Then each day, you have to set aside time for just you and her. I don't care if it's playing a game with her when the baby naps, or the simple idea of having a story time before bed with just you and her. On top of that, you have to constantly tell her that you love her. Make up something goofy, such as a look that only you and her share, or a secret that only you and her know. It really sounds as though she's out of touch with the whole family thing and it breaks my heart. It's going to take alot of these little things, but if you keep them consistant, she'll come around. She'll start to understand that she does matter and that you do love her. Just please don't dismiss her feelings, by doing that, you only reinforce them in a negative way. If she's 5 and she's reaching out, it's time to reach back mom.

Answer 4

My daughter was just like that. I often wondered if she was just looking for attention, only in the negative way. My solution was to make more time for just her and I. I would tell her that we were going to have a "mommy and me day" a week ahead of time to give her something to look forward to. Then we would spend that day doing things that she liked. We would have the best time. But, the other side of this day was the fact that I made it very clear to her that we are doing "big girl things", so that meant that she had to behave like a "big girl" as well. I explained to her exactly what I expected out of her behavior wise, and what I would not tolerate. If she threw a fit, I'd just walk away and tell her that when she was ready to discuss what she was feeling in a "big girl" way, I'll be ready to listen. And when she came to me, I would always put down whatever I was doing and I would really listen.

Spend more quality time with her. Color or do crafts together, bake some cookies and let HER do most of the work. Let her do the best that she can at whatever you're doing together, meaning don't spend that time together telling her how should could make it better or trying to correct what she does. Just let her be a kid and enjoy this time because they grow up so fast.

Answer 5

She is begging you to be the adult. Start with two choices. Today you can wear the blue shirt or the brown shirt.

When you say no, mean it, and repeat it, without getting angry or yelling. Remember that if you start to explain or make an excuse that young children's minds see that as a sign that they can get out of it, by arguing or throwing a fit or whatever. Your response to
"Nobody loves me, you're all mean to me." Should be, silence. If you argue, she thinks she has a valid point. Remember when you brought something to a boyfriend or husband's attention and they would immediately start to explain, and you knew right then and there that they were lying? Same exact concept. If your youngster makes a blanket statement about everyone hates me, and you start to argue, or make excuses, she knows she's right. Even if she isn't. She's a 5 year old. You are the adult. You know more than she does, you have information she doesn't have.

Good Luck

Answer 6

I have 2 girls, one who's been 5... 5 is a hard age for some kids, they are getting into school, starting to get used to new things and being a bit more independent. Don't let her know that she's bothering you when she throws fits. It's her way of controlling you. They do it for a response. Also don't give into the fits, when my daughter has them, I piick her up and put her in her room. I tell her when she's done acting that way, she can come back out. She would even throw things at the door. I just ignored it and let her see she couldn't get to me. You have to stand firm.
Try making special alone time with her too, so she sees you can be firm, and yet still be a good mother who's willing to listen to her and do things with her.

Answer 7

You may be too worried about what she thinks of you and she can see that. She is a 5 year old child with what appears to be an artistic personality. You might want to try spending "special time" with her. Take her to dinner, just the two of you, make her understand that she is special to you. When you do those things, do not mention her unwanted behaviors (unless she behaves inappropriately during one of those times) it is just special time for the two of you. If she misbehaves, get down to her level, look her in the eye and tell her that you love her but that her actions are inappropriate and that you expect her to behave acceptably. If you have to punish her, put her in a "time out" or whatever for 5 or 6 minutes and let her know that while it makes you sad to have to do that and you still love her, she has forced your hand. You need to point out the cause and effect so that she knows you don't like to have to punish her but "this happened because she did that". When she has complied by sitting for the requisite time, make sure she knows that you love her dearly, that she is special to you and that if she respects you these things will not happen. If she continues to accuse you of not loving her or being mean to her, smile and tell her that you love her. She will learn not to manipulate. She isn't being devious, she is 5, she's just learning what she can control in her environment.

Answer 8

My daughter has been a handful since the age of three. Lots of tantrums, anger fits, defiance. It never went away. She has been in counseling since the age of 6. She is 13 and still in counseling. She is exhibiting behaviors indicative of what those of us who have worked in the mental health field fearfully call "Borderline Personality Disorder". She is learning to cope but most likely, she will need to stay in counseling for a long time if she is going to be able to lead a "normal" life.

You daughter's problems may or may not be related to your skills as a parent. There may be something genetic going on also, or even a chemical imbalance. My advice would be to start out with some family counseling and proceed from there. If you are on a tight budget, and who isn't, you may find that your local university has a counseling center that is designed to give students with their MA who are studying to obtain their Ph.D. practical counseling experience under the guidance of Licensed Ph.D.'s. Check it out. It can't hurt.

Answer 9

First things first. Stop beating yourself up about it. It is probably just a phase, albeit a tough one, and she'll eventually grow out of it.
IF I were you I would keep in mind that children need consistency, boundaries, and lots of love. Find the things that make her happy and use them as rewards. When she throws a fit, she doesn't get them. If you are consistent EVERY TIME ( that means you cannot give in) she will realize you mean business.
Also, you can't throw a fit. If she decides to throw one, don't yell and scream, sit her down in a "naughty chair" (or mat or corner, whatever is best for your place) and walk away. This tells her that you are not going to deal with her when she is throwing a fit. When you hear her calm down go in a talk to her again.
Most importantly, LOTS AND LOTS AND LOTS OF POSITIVE REINFORCEMENT. When she is doing a good job, let her know how proud of her you are.

You are going to be OK! Don't give up, and know that you are doing your best, that's all you can do. And that's wonderful!
Best of luck to you and your sweet baby :)

Answer 10

This will be tough, but it may work and if it doesn't... well, there's no harm in trying... I think.

Part 1: Does she start having fits at certain times? Keep a log of when and why she throws a fit (a toy? yelling at her? candy? etc.). This will not only give you a better understanding of what's causing this (if anything), but may also help out a psychologist if you need to see one.

Part 2: This is the hard part (and slightly cruel in the eyes of the parent)... ignore the child while she has her fit. It may be "acting out" for attention.

Part 3: If problems persist and you really can't take it, I'd suggest bringing her (and yourself) to a psychologist. It's not a matter of curing, but understanding (I feel).