I have been crushing on him since I started working there. It's only a teenage job so it's nothing big. He's older than I am by a year. I asked him if he wanted to do something first, and he agreed. Since then, he's asked me almost every day for the last week if I want to hang out, and half the time he's waiting in his car when I get out of work. At first it was cute, but now..
Also, he is really jealous of me being around or talking about other guys. Sometimes it's cute, like if I say the singer of a band is really attractive, he'll say something like, "Well, he wishes he could have you." But then he starts asking bizarre questions about my guy friends, who he's never met, and says he hates them.
His last two relationships screwed him up a lot. But he's weirding me out, and he's constantly getting texts from his ex girlfriend, asking to see him - and she actually threatened me once.
How do I brush him off without messing up our work relationship, or him hating me?
2006-08-27 16:29:41 · 28 answers · asked by totally_brisk 1 in Family & Relationships ➔ Singles & Dating
**I couldn't fit this: We don't really have any kind of specifically defined relationship, so I don't really know how to let him down without sounding presumptuous [despite how obvious it is]
2006-08-27 16:59:28 · update #1
Sounds like you know to get out of a bad situation before it gets worse. Bravo for you. My guess is that this guy doesn't take rejection well, and it sounds like you are afraid he might get violent or stalker-y if you don't handle this well. Direct confrontation with him might not be the best way to go about it, because of the situation. The important thing here is your safety, not his feelings. He's brought you into some kind of messy breakup, from the sounds of it, and that's not fair. So, I say, play it safe - for you. Here are some ideas, feel free to mix and modify as necessary:
-If you have a boss who is a friend as well, you can tell them the situation and just say that your boss came up to you and had a discussion about people who work together not being able to date each other. Then act the square, you know, I want to follow the rules and all. That might take care of it.
-You could ask to transfer to another department of the store for starters (if that is a possibility) and then start giving him the cold shoulder. If you feel comfortable, you can directly dump him.
-If it is just a dumb job, then find another job and quit your current one. Don't answer the phone when he calls.
-if you are really good at the "it's me, not you" routine, and you think he is the type to fall for it, go for it. But becareful, this could backfire on you, and you could end up the recipient of all the anger he was reserving for his ex.
-If at any point he gets scary, do not hesitate to get someone else involved - aka your parents, boss, or the police. This guy is not worth protecting, he has drawn you into a mess you had nothing to do with.
Hope these ideas help. Good luck!
2006-08-27 16:50:02 · answer #1 · answered by starlet_8 4 · 1⤊ 0⤋
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2016-05-06 00:36:26 · answer #2 · answered by ? 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Okay so just so i got this right..this guy works with you?
Alright....he's acting sorta stalkerish. Theres really sadly no way to put an end to this without hurting him. However i suggest you do it some place where he wouldn't get too loud and you could get help if he decides to be even more strange. Maybe take him aside during a lunch break.
First things first though. you should never and i mean NEVER date anyone you work with and this is a fine and dandy example. Because in the beginning it seems rosey. Everything does.
To carry on to your situation though. Just tell him where you stand. Say you're not looking to date anyone seriously right now. Or maybe that you just wanna be on your own...single.
You're young. You should be.
You don't need or deserve some guy trying to control everything that you do and who you talk to and when you talk to them...okay you get the point.
If it gets beyond this and the threats continue i would suggest getting another job.
If it goes beyond that you need to be looking for a restraining order from both hima nd his ex.
sounds ta me like they were perfect together!
2006-08-27 16:38:41 · answer #3 · answered by warm_champaign 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
You can't take responsibility for his feelings. You should tell him that yu are not ready to date anyone exclusively, and that you want to stay friends. No doubt he will have a problem with this, but that's not your fault. He is the type that thinks that the worls owes him someting, and no doubt he will try to manipulate you into feeling bad about it. don't worry about how he feels, and don't cave into feeling bad about it. He has some serious baggage and he is hanging on to it. Tell him you want nothing to do with his ex girlfriend, or his baggage from his past relationship. Just be polite and courteous at work, and volunteer nothing. Do not ask him anything personal either. If things are a problem, tell your supervisor and file harrassment paprework. He will hate you if he wants, and there is nothing you can do about it. Since he is the type who holds others for his feelings (of persuecution) he might hate you. That's ok, it's not your fault, Just go on and spend your time and energy with mentally healthy people. Good luck!
2006-08-27 16:38:13 · answer #4 · answered by pandora the cat 5 · 0⤊ 0⤋
This guy doesn't sound like the best person you could be with. He sounds really defencive and posessive. You might want to find different work this could end up badly. Ya know what as long as he's not your boss don't worry about him hating you. You would have to let him down fast. You can't risk him doing anything huge. He sounds like he could become overly protective. Tell him that you can get all intertwined with someone at work, that it would be awkward. Good Luck.
2006-08-27 16:46:57 · answer #5 · answered by Amanda 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Part of what these guys do is to work the guilt. He'll press that button as often and as hard as necessary. You need to speak to your boss about this behavior and have it documented. It's important that you have a ride home waiting for you after work (if you drive yourself, have a friend meet you one or two days a week or plan something after work so someone is there to meet you). I am worried about this character, as he shows the classic signs of a wife beater. If you go to the same school, talk to your counseler. You don't want to end up a victim of this ***hole.
2006-08-27 16:38:35 · answer #6 · answered by Ice 6 · 0⤊ 0⤋
You can rewind! You need a new job and a new boyfriend. Give him an excuse for everything he ask you to do. When he finlly ask why, say you just dont have any fellings for him straight up! If he calls you, interupt him, with, hey can you hold on, or can I call you back? The dont call back, or let him hang on the phone if it not a cell call. If it bothers him about talking about other guys, do it MORE. remember you asked how to brush him off, not be polite.
2006-08-27 16:42:25 · answer #7 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
I would quit the job and walk away or run fast to get away from him! He is a stalker in training, a possessive freak, and will be an abuser, if he isn't already! He is already abusing you emotionally!!! Your job is not worth this relationship being friendly or not. Just get safe and stay away! I will pray for you. Best wishes for a speedy and safe division from him.
2006-08-27 16:38:57 · answer #8 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
JUST dont answer the phone to him no more. Avoid him . And dont go where he goes and hangs out. HIDE some where 4 a week or two. he will get the hint soon. IF not tell him to bug off.
2006-08-27 16:33:47 · answer #9 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
Number 1 Rule :
NEVER DATE PEOPLE YOU WORK WITH!
For this very reason.
Just tell him you have other things going on and that you are not interested in dating right now.
You are way too young to be dealing with this kind of baggage.
If he insists on waiting for you at work, talk to your boss.
Once you tell the guy you are dating that you are not interested, it is your boss's job to make sure you are not harrassed.
This guy has issues for sure :-)
STAY AWAY!
Good luck sweetie :-)
2006-08-27 16:35:15 · answer #10 · answered by rvogelpohl2001 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋