How do my husband and I get his parents to realize that they can't treat our kids differently?

Question

My husband has a child from a previous marriage, I as well, and then we have one together. His parents treat my step-daughter like gold and the other 2 like ****. My in-laws have not seen or called in 1 1/2 months to check on or to even say hi to the 2 we have at home fulltime. But call the other child who lives out of state everyother day, and send her gifts, money whatever she wants. We get to have her everyother weekend, extended breaks from school, and holidays. My in-laws have always said "they love her more and that she is number one on their list" to my face. They have always treated my daughter like she is nothing, and now do the same to the daughter my husband and I have together. I believe it is time to end all contact with these horrable, selfish people. All of his family treats our children this way one is gold and the rest are nothing. There is alot of hard feelings,fighting between our kids! There is alot of favortizism and it has got to stop. How do we end this for them?

Answer 1

You need to sit down as a family, Mom, Dad and brothers and sisters, and talk to the kids about this. What your husbands ex does or doesn't do you have no control over, but what goes on in your house is another thing. Explain to the kids that you are not going to allow Grammy to treat the other two badly.

Then tell Mom-in-law that you will no longer allow this type of special treatment when Darling is with you. And that any and all gifts, etc. will be returned (except for birthdays of course). The send the gifts back unopened.

It's going to be hard. My girlfriends Mom-in-law still slips after 15 years and will treat one more special than the other, but as the kids age they themselves tell Grammy that they don't like the way she is treating their brother and sister.

This is an uphill battle. I wish you luck.

Answer 2

Your right! Stay away from that bunch. If they can't treat your other children the same then don't go around them anymore. I hate when there is favoritism in the family. I believe they should treat all the children the same and if they can't then don't let them see any of them. I think those type of people are so selfish and ignorant. If they ask your husband or you why they can't see the gold child you tell them not until they know how to treat the others like gold too, and you won't stand for there favoritism on one child. You need to be straight up and tell them the truth. Good luck!

Answer 3

If you really feel that you should cut off all contact with them then you should. Only you know what's best for your family.
Talk it over with your husband and sleep on it. If either of you feel that it is too harsh then you have to tell your in laws that they need to stop it or you will be forced to stop contact until they've proven themselves to you.

I understand how you feel, you can't let them hurt any of your children. If your kids are old enough talk to them about it. Tell them not to worry about those inconsiderate people because they aren't worth the time. They need to know that good people don't act that way. And that they haven't done anything to deserve it. Those kind of people can't be changed, only ignored. Your kids probably won't miss them very much.

If you do it just remember that your step-daughter will still have her normal relationship with them when she is away from you. Make sure she doesn't rub it in the other kids' faces.

What does your husband think about all this?

Answer 4

My husband and I have the same type of situation with our children being treated like they don't exists compared to another child. He feels (and I agree) that we shouldn't take the children from their grandparents. But the grandparents have to do a few things that we ask of them. Maybe you could try the same thing. Saying when you have your and your step-children that you are not going to go over to there house. Explain to them that your child feels left out and different because they treat her step sibling so much better. And I don't buy the crap about well their parents are divorced they need more love! I feel that it just makes the new child feel crappy because "they aren't as loved". Try talking with them.Tell the girls they need to try to get along. As they get older hopefully they will realize that the way your in-laws treat them is not right. Good luck. I hope everything works out for you. How does your husband feel about this? All of the children are his. You and your husband need to come up with a plan and stick with it..

Answer 5

It is horrible and very wrong. It goes on more than you can imagine ...with the step families. The in laws need counseling. I am sure they are very well aware of what they are doing. Do they not like you? Did they not want you and your husband to get together? I would ask them all this if you dare. Your children are equal and deserve to be loved equally no matter what the genetic make up is.
You are right you need to do something..set some ground rules for the in laws to follow and if they don't well then they don't see any of the children.What does your husband say to all of what is going on ..does he know why they are this way??
~Good luck~
Something you might check out...groups.msn.com/AllThingsFamily

Answer 6

Maybe you could try talking to these people and letting them know that they are slighting the other children. Tell them that you and your husband will be forced to break contact with them unless they come around and recognize the other 2 grandchildren. It's just not fair to any of the kids, even the favorite one. Do them a favor and give one last ditch effort to save their relationship w/ their grandparents and then another favor by severing the ties w/ them. Good luck.

Answer 7

So you have to ask your self. Do I want my kids to grow up as gracious forgiving people who understand that life's not fair and that sometimes even the people we love treat us like crap. Or do you want to cut all ties and teach them that being petty and vindictive and whining because Grandma likes someone else better so we stop seeing her altogether and that the way to punish vindictive favoritism is by being just as selfish and demanding the same presents they give others or we're never going to speak to you again is the way to go? Personally, I think it would take a stronger person to tell the kids that Grandma has a right to like or dislike anyone she wants, related or not. After all, that's what you want to do because she won't give them presents.

I'd say it's time somebody in this family grew up. Maybe it should be you.

Answer 8

i think of the 1st step could be to communicate this with your husband. and verify out to maintain emotions out of the communique. basically modern-day the information. until now doing this, artwork on popularity. He won't trust you. you've got the skill to compromise. Your mil has a lot of historical past with the different babies. She might have been on the fringe of their mom. She might think of you led to the destroy up. there are various clarification why she is behaving the way she is. of direction, I agree that the toddler does not require the fabric issues to make a good stability yet then the different 2 should not be spoiled with an overabundance the two. i think of you are going to be able to desire to end looking forward to her to be "honest" and learn how to deal. issues might replace using fact the toddler grows older.

Answer 9

HI kansas. Your problem is a pretty big issue. I went through the same thing. My boyfriend has a son and we have 1 daughter 2gether. His whole family doesn't even call my baby or visit her eva. I have tried to talk to them but nothing gets through to them. I advise you to sit down with them and strongly talk to them about this issue. having favorites is very bad, you have to make them undestand it will hurt your child in the long run. I really wish u the best of luck.

Answer 10

You and your husband need to be united in confronting his family and letting them know that their behavour has caused your children great distress, but it is not going to happen any m ore as you are cutting off all contact with them. Then do it.!You call the shots on what happens in your own home. Tell the graqndparents that their behaviour will not be tolerated. ( I don't know why you have been so tolerant of this selfishness towards your children)

It is very sad that families do this. The little children are innocent and do not understand why they are not loved as much as their other sibling. Heck you as adults don't understand it!
These selfish people have no place in your lives, so don't bother with them, the relationships ate toxic and not in anyway beneficial to anyone.

They can ( but not when she is with you) continue to shower their favored grandchild, and please don't you hold this against her as she is not responsible for this.

During her visits with you, don 't encourage family contact, and tell her why. ( she can have contact with the other family when she is with her mother) I don't know how old she is but she may be old enough to understand that she is being singled out for favors while her siblings arfe not. . She needs to learn lessons in sharing. You can explain to her in a manner of reversal, ask her how she would feel if she were being left out while her siblings were being favored? Ask her how she feels she can resapond to the family members who are being mean to her siblings? she may surprise you. She will possibly feel compassion for her siblngs and reject the favors unless they are balanced with her siblings.

I hope yhour children have other grandparents and family members to balance out some positive loving relationships, focus on these and friends who care for your children.