Mom doesn't GET that happiness is more important than making $$$. How do i convince her?

Question

I have a real problem on my hands. I am 13 years old, living a pretty normal life, with my normal dad and effing-goal-oriented-mom. Mom and i had a discussion last night about my future. I said that, as long as i am content with my life, that i will be happy and will be peaceful with myself. Mom, on the other hand, says that i will NEVER reach true happiness until i get my Ph.D. and make big bucks.

I am a bright kid. I have a 4.0 GPA, and have a lot of things other than school going for me. Music, sports, etc. I know that if i want, i CAN get my Ph.D. and make a lot of money and become my mom's version of 'happy'. But i'm not sure if that's what i want to do with my life. I think that happiness is...

having a family...loving people...doing things that make ME content, and not my mom...hanging out with friends...going to movies, and stuff

Yes, i know that i will need money to do those things. I know that i am capable of earning that money. I don't WANT to be the next Marie Curie!

My mom is the world's version of SHALLOW!!! Or, should i say, stereotypist. To me, she is shallow. To me, she doesn't GET that fame and money don't equal happiness!

How do i tell her convincingly without being mean?
4 hours ago - 3 day(s) left to answer. - 23 answers

Answer 1

you seem to be extremely intelegent, its not your job to teach her anything. whether she has taught you by default or not you have become an adult to some extent. but there is one thing to your answer and that is that you need to love her for who she is and simply live your life you are going to change so much throughout the next 20 or 30 years its crazy. just be smart and play it out. you will be okay.

Answer 2

Well, your mom's a little over the top about the PhD there, but what I think she's trying to say is that an education, nobody can take away from you. If you don't get a degree, you will not have many choices in life in terms of the type of work you can do. I have a masters degree, not a PhD, and I wouldn't make any more money if I wrote a dissertation and got one. But, I can tell you from experience, that I have a lot more choices about what I can do with my life than if I didn't have the degree to back me up or to fall back on.

You're just starting out and the last thing you want to do is close doors. That, you will most certainly regret later. Get through High School and college, do well, and then decide. Right now, your mom just wants to push you in the right direction, but she's going about it the wrong way. If I were in your shoes, I'd not even argue with her at all because she will keep nagging you until you say yes. So you might as well just say yes. Once you graduate college, things will have changed. You will be an adult and you will make your own decisions and everything will look much different than it does now.

Answer 3

First of all, congratulations on understanding something that many others do not about "materialism."

Second, your mother is fighting her own "demons" and by that I mean she has grown up in a time when women were litterally STOPPED at certain levels of achievement by the males in certain jobs (this was called the Glass Ceiling, because it was transparent and no one wanted to "admit" it was there, and also, it was a womans job to clean the glass). So, she is still used to fighting prejudiced in her mind if not her work world, so try to understand some of where she's coming from.

I suggest you find a "happy medium." A job/college degree that will make you happy and that will at least get her to leave you alone for a while. Say you enjoy the Ocean and want to be a Marine Biologist, just tell her your going into the Biological Sciences (hint, stem cells, etc) this will please her and you can take the required classes till say your Junior year when your elective classes kick in, then concentrate on Sea and Marine Life (just as an example). However, you've just bought yourself from 13 to your Junior year of College without any abuse. Yes, she will be harping on you to study and stuff, but with a 4.0, what's more to study? And besides, by the time your a Junior in College you will be your own person (as it seems you are now).

If you don't want to go that route, just tell her she needs to back off and be proud of WHO YOU ALREADY ARE! If that doesn't work, for her birthday, I recommend a family counselling session. That should tell her something.

Answer 4

My daughter, now 17, 8 when I divorced, will tell you how happy she is that her father and I are no longer married. It was the right decision. He was a mess and totally selfish as a husband and father, and it was affecting her. It depends upon your situation, of course, but your 12 y.o. saying she wouldn't mind it is very telling. Your kids will also learn that nothing in life is guaranteed and if your husband is mean or abusive in any way, you are teaching your daughter that she need not take that and your son that this behavior is not acceptable. Good luck with whatever you decide. Be strong, and remember that there is a light at the end of the tunnel and when you get to the end, it never goes out.

Answer 5

Tell her you hear what she's saying. Let her say whatever she wants. You are going through the golden teenage years where you start to separate yourself from pleasing your parents like you did when you were a kid. You are an independent young lady, and you are smart. Your mom only wants you to do and be your best -- and continue to be smart and independent. Only she just doesn't know how to say what I just wrote to you. Continue to do well in school. You have a bright life ahead of you. I can tell you this -- entry level jobs like a secretary are now making it a requirement that you have a masters. I kid you not. So your mother isn't pulling your leg. You have to learn to depend on yourself first.

My mother was the same way but she didn't think of her kids getting an MBA or ph.d. She just wanted us to finish high school and get out of her house so she could breathe.

I think you got the better end of the stick.

Answer 6

You are both right to a certain degree.

While you have realized that money doesn't mean that you will be happy, your mom is realistic in knowing that being "happy" wont pay the rent or buy food for your table.

There has got to be a middle ground that the two of you can meet at. Try talking to your dad and see if he can't talk to mom to get her to let up a bit on you and help her see that what she sees for your future may not be what you see. You also need to be ready to compromise too, be ready to try to reach some goals that you may not have ever set for yourself so that you can show your mom that you are willing to meet her half way.

Answer 7

Right now it will be hard to convince your mom because of your age but as time go on she will have to respect what you want to do at 18 your views may even change a bit not about the family and happiness but I think it will work out just let her know that it is your life and only you can live it not her.. and that's what you are going to do you have to show her you are capable of making smart decisions and tell her she raised you right and to value your opinions....You go Girlfriend !!!

Answer 8

First of all, a PhD does NOT equal wealth in any way shape or form! Don't fall for that. You are still very young and have time to decide what you want to do with your life.

IF you were my daughter, I would be focused on getting you through high school safe and sound with good grades so that you can get into college. When you are in your junior year of college you will know if you want to pursue your graduate work. Right now....just focus on being a kid and enjoy it, it goes by way too fast!

Answer 9

BEEN THERE (RIGHT WHERE YOU ARE TODAY). AS A MATTER OF FACT MY MOM STILL HAS SOME OF THE SAME BASIC BELEIFS AND IS STILL NOT HAPPY. (at least not with a constantness as it should be) Look what ever your views of happiness are are yours and valid. Whenever you are confronted with a money matter, simply state (maturely) that you understand the importance of money and leave it at that. We cannot change others' views or beliefs. We can only change our own. I am right there with you. I understand, and I am 37. stay true to who you are. You will go far. Just keep the grades up and stay strong.

Answer 10

I think, you are only 13 & soooo should not be worrying about this yet. By the time you are ready for college, you will be old enough to make your own decisions. Just dont expect her to pay your way for anything (house, school) when the time does come if you are going to choose a path that she doesnt agree with. And if you keep your grades up you can get scholarships. ENJOY BEING YOUNG WHILE YOU CAN!