I need help..im feeling really depressed and i need advice..please?

Question

ok so my bf and i are still together..we have been together 2 yrs...but the sad thing is..when he mistreats me i feel like i dont know what to do..i know i should break up with him..but i just cant..i feel like i need him..and you can talk sh*it whatever i dont care..thats how i feel..im just saying how does a woman tear herself away from a man who she knows doesnt treat her the best..i know it sounds lame..like hello just dump him..but like were really attatched..and also i have issues being alone..like i feel like the only person who im connected with is him..and i cant go on living my life with no real connections with anyone..i dont know if i sound mental or what..(sad huh?) anyways please any advice you can give..no insults please...im feeling down enough as it is..

Answer 1

Girlfriend , I been married 7 + years met my husband online in Aug. '98 I got pregnant in Oct. '98 engaged in Feb. '99 and married April '99 had my son in July '99! Thought it was the best relationship I have ever had! Untill we finally moved in together.... and he started with ignoring me and not treating me the way I wanted to be treated! In June '05 I cheated on him and had a one night stand he found out and cheated on me with an actual affair (even though he didnt do anything with this woman in his eyes he thinks he did nothing wrong). Well that was all from June to November. Finally he ignored me more the computer was his best friend and I am becoming more and more depressed and lonley then one day out of the blue ..... he starts the I love yous again and is huggin and kissin me! That was from February till approx. March. Then he started the ignoring again for about a week then went back to the I love yous again for another week! It's an on and off thing for about 5 months now! I don't know what to do anymore I can't live like this I talk to him about it but all he says is I dunno!

So what I want to tell you is if he mitreats in anyway that you don't think is right and you decide to go through with this realationship you will regreat it! But.... I am tellin you get out leave untill you have bills you can't pay and kids! There are plenty of fish in the sea that will treat you better and treat you the way YOU should be treated!

Answer 2

What you describe sound somewhat like a co-dependant relationship. You say that you feel you have no real connections with anyone else. My guess is that he has set it up that way. Usually men who are abusive (emotionally or physically) to their partners make it so that the partner relys solely on them for emotional support. He has spent the last 2 yrs. finding ways to cut you off from others so that you feel you can only count on him.

I've been there. I remember thinking that I needed to get away from this person but I was terrified of being without him. I knew he was terrible and I'd be better off but it was the transition that scared me.

There is no easy answer to this. I finally just forced myself to do it. At first it was really difficult. He was angry and violent but at the time we were long distant and I think that helped. If you can find a way to leave then I suggest you go somewhere far away while you get over him. It will be safer and it will make it easier so that you don't slip back under his spell.

These guys are tricky and manipulative. He has left you feeling insecure, inadequate and that he is the answer to all your problems. Obviously you have realized this is not true. So, now you just need to find some inner strength and walk away. It will not be easy. It will be very very difficult. After awhile you'll start to wonder if you were wrong. You'll think maybe you overreacted. You'll start to forget the bad and only remember the good. Be careful at this point because it is easy to get sucked back in. Always remind yourself that the bad times outweighed the good and that you are a stronger person without him.

I wish you the best of luck.

Answer 3

You won't get any insults here, don't worry. I think there is hope for you. You admit that you shouldn't be with him, and you admit that you have no one else. It is understandable, that having someone who hurts you in your life is better than having no one at all. A lot of people disagree with this, but I know that it is true for some people and you are one of them. It is just the way you are wired. You say you attracted to him, this makes it a little harder too.
I agree you can't go on living your life with no real connections to anyone. But you also can't live it the way you are either. What do you think prevents you from having real connection. Real connections require a give/take attitude, honesty, trust, and it can be like a gamble for some people, and some people are terrified to take that risk. Get in a good support group, and/or see a counselor to help work thru these issues, including Why you do the things you do. You deserve true happiness, and I want you to seek a more fulfilling way of life on many levels. There is more to life than this one person!!

Answer 4

I think the main thing that jumps out at me in everything you said is that you have serious issues with being alone. Until you address that, the rest of it will seem too overwhelming to deal with. No, you don't sound "mental." You sound scared and you sound like you feel trapped. You aren't trapped. You are just like an athlete who has a big event coming up but they've been out of training for a while and aren't as strong or fast as they need to be. Exercise the "muscle" of feeling strong being alone. You probably hear a lot of negative speak from your partner, so you need to counter that with a lot of positive speak from yourself. Tell yourself every day (silently when you have to and out loud when you are able) that you are good enough, you are strong enough and you deserve good things in your life. "Work out" emotionally like you are training for the race of your life. Get some counseling help if that's what it will take to get you there, or make a friend with a sympathetic ear who will encourage you to be strong. When you get there (and you will), you will simply and easily walk away, because it won't be an issue for you. You already know (deep down inside) that you deserve better, or you wouldn't have written the question. Keep telling yourself that. If you've already invested two years in it, just tell yourself you made a bad investment and didn't get any return, but that's not the end of the world. Take your considerable assets and move along with them and look for a better place to invest yourself.

Answer 5

Have you tried making new friends? I know how it feels to become really attached to a boyfriend. Maybe if you start building more friendships, you'll find it easier to pry yourself away from him. Have you tried counseling? If he won't go, it would be for the best if you went yourself. Maybe he has some issues and he's misplacing his feelings. You should both go to a couple's counseling thing and work things out. And, anybody in their right mind wouldn't insult someone who is sad. That is just ridiculous. You just want a little bit of advise. I'm sure everything will work out. Have you talked to him about how you feel? Maybe he doesn't know that you feel so terribly. And, you aren't mental because if you were, it wouldn't register in your mind. The mind doesn't know when it is sick. You just need a little help to get out of a rut. But, I would seriously talk about seeing a counselor, and if he won't go, go yourself. It'll help you out. And, if you can't afford counseling, you could always find someone to talk to and share your feelings with. Just don't give up.

Answer 6

Hi,

I'm too going through a lot with my girl, I call her names and accuse her of stuff but only cause she cheated on me before. We together almost two years now, I asked her to marry me and left to Iraq but ever since she shows no love. I send her packages, e-card, cards and you name the occasion(Valentine) Well my year tour ends in Oct but I can put all she has sent to me in a shoe box. She calls me fat(not true) trying to keep my self esteem down, she calls me monkey and other stuff what makes it worst is that Im black and she Russian. I have never cheated on here but she swears that I must be, I send her money and sometimes she gives me ultimatum to do so. I dont feel depress when I think of a better life, I love her and miss her very much but its better for me to move on with my life and be happy. I dont like to date other soldiers so I'm still single and very lonely and depress, I go swimming when I'm off and keep busy here. I found me a war pc game that challenges my mind and keep it from wondering, i'm for sure will be somewhat happy when I get back to TX and be around friends. I wanna new girl and at the same time I have to be on the look out for vicious player chics out to use my weakness, so it make it harder always. I hope I helped ok this is my story, [e-mail]

Answer 7

Well, like you said it sounds so easy, but I understand that it isn't! However, I have never been in that position, but I think that maybe you shoudl just try to hagn out with friends or something and try to spend less and less time with him, that might make it easier, cuz you dont feel liek you aer so attached, Any situation with your bf is going to be difficult...Maybe you could just try talking to him. If he respect you and loves you then he will treat you better. So Just think about it like this...Did I live without him before I met him? Yes you did! So you can live without him now, So dont think that you cant live without him, You can! Just think about how you feel! I dont know whether you believe in God or not but I do! If you do believe then just pray about it! Anyway, I hope things work out! Good Luck!

Answer 8

Try to gain confidence and strength by beginning to live for yourself. We must first love ourselves before anyone else can love us. Eat healthy, drink lots of water, exercise, and get yourself to a point where you like "YOU" We all need other people in our lives, but we do not need anyone who mentally or physically abuses us. I was in a relationship once that was not beneficial to my health or well-being. It is hard to let go of someone who we think we need and have connections with. I prayed to God to give me the strength and confidence to finally leave him. It was hard, but I eventually did it. Take baby steps, and when you gain strenghth and confidence to leave....run like hell and never look back. There is someone special out there waiting to meet you....but as long as you are in this distructive relationship with a man who does not respect you or treat you well......you will never be able to meet your mr. right. He is waiting to meet you...the longer you wait to leave mr. mistreats me.....the chances are that mr. right will find and fall in love with someone else. I am sure that if you sre like me.....you are your own worst critic and beat yourself up regularly for the mistakes that you have made. You should not beat yourself up, and definitely noone else has the right to verbally or physically abuse you in any way. Life gets much better after you leave him!!!! Good luck! A

Answer 9

You are not mental but it is sad. Sad that you feel that way about yourself. My advice to you is learn how to react to his put downs. He knows what buttons to push and knows what he is doing to keep you. You sound like a very strong person in your question.........saying what you want ..........turn that strength around at him !!! Been there........done it............and one day I woke up and said it was enough..........and left. I thought I had a connection but realized I just did not like myself very much at the time......YOU CAN DO IT !!!

Good Luck and be as strong as you were in the question. !!!

Answer 10

I have been in your shoes and it is really hard to get away from someone who mistreats you and you have all these feelings for him. I could never understand but once i did i got stronger and it wasn't easy but i did it. SO CAN YOU!Do this for only one person and that is YOU!