ok so my bf and i are still together..we have been together 2 yrs...but the sad thing is..when he mistreats me i feel like i dont know what to do..i know i should break up with him..but i just cant..i feel like i need him..and you can talk sh*it whatever i dont care..thats how i feel..im just saying how does a woman tear herself away from a man who she knows doesnt treat her the best..i know it sounds lame..like hello just dump him..but like were really attatched..and also i have issues being alone..like i feel like the only person who im connected with is him..and i cant go on living my life with no real connections with anyone..i dont know if i sound mental or what..(sad huh?) anyways please any advice you can give..no insults please...im feeling down enough as it is..
2006-08-27 15:16:08 · 10 answers · asked by kelkel0514 3 in Family & Relationships ➔ Singles & Dating
Dear Kelly ,my heart breaks for you .I know alot about abuse ,my husband used to be so verbal thatit scared me to stay or leave him .now we are married and I had to teach him I would not take his crap .he was so jealous I could not work without him coming in and starting a fuss .so I do know but Hon please tell me he dont hit yah ,because if so I can tell you a true love story my baby sister was murdered and burned by her boyfriend and 2 more people and nothing has been done .one hits you have got to put your hurt on your friends and familys shoulder and get out .but it just depends on what really is going on with you .my husband was verbal so I set him straight real quick ,sometimes you have to show them you will not be pushed around and there is only one boss of you and hey tell him you are looking at the boss here I am .good luck to you I will keep you in my prayers ,but please dont stay if he hits on you ,please someone that does care .
2006-08-27 15:28:14 · answer #1 · answered by Holly 5 · 0⤊ 0⤋
OK, so you know you want to dump him, but your self esteem is so low right now you can't picture yourself without him. You need a plan to get rid of him, move on, and get strong again.
SO- as I have been in a bad relationship before as well, here is what I suggest:
Do something that you know will make you feel strong, even if only for the evening. Listen to angry woman songs (think "I will survive" style, haha), call that friend who HATES your boyfriend and let her rant at you until you completely agree with her, do whatever you need to do to work up the nerve to dump the mofo. List off all the ways he has disrespected you. Don't accept his shallow excuses and justifications. Remember why you want to dump him. Then, DO IT. Don't let him talk, don't have a conversation about it, do it over the phone if you have to. Just get it over with, the sooner the better. Guys who have a history of mistreating people are slimy and will try to worm their way back into your heart. Don't give him the chance to do it.
- After you have done it, you will probably feel like sh*t. Make sure that friend who hates him is there to comfort you, or make sure you have your favorite ice cream on hand, your fav tv show or movie. Turn off your phone so he can't call you, lock your door, or even go to the friends house so he can't come over to bug you. Don't go on aim, don't let him interact with you at all.
-after that, you will probably continue to feel badly for a while. This isn't because you made a mistake, it's because you still have low self esteem - and I'm going to venture a guess that he is a major cause of that low self esteem. You are very vunerable right now. Don't let him talk to you or into your life in any way. Don't go places where he knows you might be, because at this point he's going to probably want to piss you off by showing up with another girl or some **** like that. Instead, work on yourself. Be healthy, do things you always meant to do. Focus on yourself, rekindle old friendships that you let slip away when with the boy or whatever. Be a girly girl for a while, pamper yourself.
- Keep getting stronger. This may take a while, like, months. Only see him on your terms. When you do see him, remind yourself of why you dumped him in the first place, and celebrate the fact that you stood up for yourself.
This worked for me when I was in an extremely manipulative relationship. Stay strong, and always know however shitty today seems, tomorrow or next week it will change - for the better, probably, because you are finally respecting yourself. And you WILL find someone who is good and respects you. But first, you have to respect yourself and do what you know you need to do.
2006-08-27 23:24:54 · answer #2 · answered by starlet_8 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Start by convincing yourself that you are a strong, independent woman that can make decisions on her own, be herself, and who doesn't care what other people think of her. You can't really love him until you love yourself. Then read "It's Called a Break-Up Because It's Broken" by Greg and Amiira Beherent (same guy that did "He's just not that into you"--I haven't read the first one, but the second one got me out of a similar relationship and on the way to being me again, not me defined by my ex). You are a wonderful person, and just remember that you do deserve better, and you can find better, and that you are strong enough to go out there and find it! Being single for a while may be the best thing you've ever done for yourself. See it as a fresh start on life, and not as a terrible sad thing. Give yourself a second chance and make over your life, starting with ditching this crappy relationship! I'm behind you 100%!!
2006-08-27 22:25:55 · answer #3 · answered by GLSigma3 6 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Kelly....honestly I think there are a few things going on ....... You need to figure out why you don't value yourself, and realize that you deserve to be treated with respect and love. You admit having issues being alone. Now is the perfect time to work on understanding yourself. I would go talk to someone who can help guide you thru that process. Part of being a woman is making the tough decisions.......If he's not good for you......you choose not to be with him. It really is that simple. Is it possible your also depressed? You sound it to me. Build a good life for yourself......don't settle for what's in front of you, or the easier path. Being alone is hardly the worst thing that could happen to you. Besides, it may be what you need in order to do the work you need to do on yourself. If you don't value yourself, why would anyone else??
2006-08-28 02:43:15 · answer #4 · answered by wendy 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
i know how you feel with the whole you have issues with being alone. I had a guy that i thought was so great a dream come true but after awhile he started being a real jerk but i didn't want to leave him. but in the end i left, i guess what i'm saying is yes it hurts and yes it is hard and you guys may fight for awhile right after the breakup but you dont deserve to be treated that way so it's worth it to leave him. But he'll get over it and you guys can just be good friends "it is better to have loved and lost then to never have loved at all" I wish you luck
2006-08-27 22:23:13 · answer #5 · answered by Lizzy 3 · 1⤊ 0⤋
Hey look if he is miss treating you.A woman does not deserve that.I know how hard it is being alone.I have been alone a long time.It is not very great.But you do not deserve being miss treated.I will pray for you and you situation.
Hey little child,don't be sad,I know being alone it seems very bad.But life with a heart that is torn,its so much worse,But build up your strength,so your heart will not burst.So sad little child don't cry no more,Somethings you got to let go,and walk out the door.
2006-08-27 22:28:09 · answer #6 · answered by lovely soul with insite 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
you also asked about how he wouldnt stop going on myspace, you should dump him now before he hurts you more, and normally i wouldnt ruin it for another guy, but he seems to be making you feel bad and hes not going to change, guys never do, break up with him, you are way too insecure about him and he is mistreating you, dont feel pressured to keep dating him because you want the comfort of a boyfriend(he doesnt seem to make you comfortable if you cant breathe), or because you dont want to end such a long relationship, just dump his a ss
2006-08-27 22:31:15 · answer #7 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
Eat right. Take vitamins. Exercise. Get out of the house more and hang out with your friends. Go to church and meet some nice friends. Take dietary supplements like 5 HTP to help improve your mood.
2006-08-27 22:22:54 · answer #8 · answered by sandstorm222 3 · 0⤊ 1⤋
talk to him about it....if he loves you he will listen and understand and try to change.....you guys need to work through this together
2006-08-27 22:24:36 · answer #9 · answered by Justin 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
seek some conuselling honey
2006-08-27 22:27:21 · answer #10 · answered by lolli_pop69_2001 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋