trying to talk to a teenager (son) with problems, how can i handle this?

Question

I'm his mother and i just want him to know i love him but his father abused him, how can i help him out?? and the abuse just recently came to surface, i didn't know about it, man, i need to make up for it, how can i

Answer 1

You can't make up for it. Your son's life has been changed forever by what his father did to him. All you can do is be a good mother. I hope your son already knows you love him by the way you treat him but if you haven't TOLD him you love him, it's way past time to start! But late is better than never so do it. Often.
Does your son know that you have found out about the abuse? Did he tell you? If he did, talking with him will be much easier. If you found out from someone else, you need to be very considerate of his anger, embarrassment, and shame. BE SURE to let him know that none of it was his fault. He was a victim. Tell him how proud you are of the person he is and how sorry you are that his father betrayed his sacred trust as a father. Tell him how glad you are that you can now have a chance to talk with him about it and that you'll always be there for him. Tell him that if he wants to talk to a professional, you will help him do that. Tell him that while he couldn't do anything about what happened to him, he can use it as a lesson in the future so that he will never cause a child of his that kind of pain.
And finally....for you....has this been reported to authorities? This man will abuse other children. It's a hard thing to put your son through but not as hard as having him live with the thought that this will happen to some other child. You may need professional help to deal with this also. But the man must be stopped for the sake of all children. Good luck and God bless. I know how you must be feeling.

Answer 2

Your son needs validation that the abuse was very wrong and was not in any way his fault (children often feel they are somehow responsible for the asbuse)
You also neeed to if you have not already done so have charges laid on his father, he needs to accept the consequenses for what he has done and also not be out in the community where he can do this to another child, Be assured your son was not the first and will not be the last child your husband has abused.

Get your son counseling from a qualified therapist who has experience in this area. Your son needs to have an outlet for his felings to be validated so that this does not ruin the rest of his life, yake actin NOW! love and support your son, let him know that he is special and precous to you.
Be aware that children who have endured abuse often become suicidal, they may also if left unsupported, go on to become abusers themselves, this type of thing really messes with their minds so you need to do all you can without delay.

Answer 3

First of all, you cannot make up for this. What you need to do is help your son realize the abuse he experienced was not his fault, nor was it yours. I would suggest seeing a family counselor together to help you and your son cope with this tragedy. Once the counselor has assesed the situation, they may want to meet with him only. Since it was a male role model that was the abuser, I would suggest a female counselor. This is going to be a step by step, and day by day rollercoaster, so hang on, be patient, and be there for him, you are all he has right now, and he needs security and stability now more than ever.

Get family counseling now! I hope his dad is in jail, if not, I hope there is a court order against him, amd if not GET ONE!

Answer 4

First of all, get him away, and keep him away from his father. Take the time to inititate legal proceedings. LEAVE NO DOUBT in his mind that the abuse was unacceptable to you. Leave no doubt!

There is nothng in your past relationship, nothing in his character that you may find excusable, that should keep the abuser out of trouble - legal trouble, as much as you can muster.

Once you've made the commitment, your son will wake up and see who is on his side.

There is no excuse - not your embarrassment, not the reluctance of your son (a MOST common reaction) that should prevent you from landing on this guy with both feet,.

Unfortunately, many parents are reluctant to inflict the knd of retirbution neccesary to deter child abuse.

Do this, and one day your son will be your best friend.

Answer 5

Teenage sons are a strange kind of animal. They don't think their moms understand anything. They don't want to share anything with their moms. My son would never talk to me about his life. I was lucky to get a grunt from him as I asked a question. He has been gone for a month to AIT (army) and has called me every night. I know more about him now than in the last 4 years.

I have told my grown kids that mom will always love them no matter what. I let them know that they will always be welcome in my home and be able to live here if they need to. I try not to pry into things that they don't want to tell me, but just let them know how proud I am of them. Not a day goes by that I don't tell my kids how much I love them and how proud I am of them.

This is the only way I know of to communicate with my 24 year old daughter and 18 year old son. They seem to have grown up and become good people, but they did not share everything with me. That is OK. Their friends were always more than happy to tell me everything!

Answer 6

First tell him how sorry you are that an adult that he trusted abused him. Tell him with 100% assurance that it is NOT
his fault. Apologize to him over and over. Listen to him and get him help.. therapy and counseling so it will help him 10 or 20 years from now and does not ruin his life. Make sure he knows that you had no idea or else you would have stepped in and stopped it.. Make sure you are totally on your sons side and let him know that his fathers behavior will never be accepted and you will always be on your sons side

Answer 7

You did not indicate why type of abuse occurred. You will never be able to "make up" for what his father did; all you can do is be there for him. The best thing you can do for him is to find someone with professional training to help him...ESPECIALLY if this was sexual abuse. Sexual abuse can have life-long ramifications for its victims. If your son does not find healthy ways to release his hurt and anger, chances are he will turn to destructive methods such as drugs or alcohol I see it every day, I am a licensed social worker.

Answer 8

Leave that no good man, how could anyone abuse a child. You need to report him, before he give you son long term problems. I was abused by my mother and it still bother me today. I stay depressed and wonder why I was ever born. Get your son out of that kind of enviroment and get him somewhere safe.

Answer 9

I'm so sorry, seems like the both of you need to go to counseling. It sounds like you are dealing with guilt over the situation. Really, what can you do to make it up to your son except tell him you are sorry and that you love him and are there for him.

I hope that someone reports that poor excuse of a husband and father.
Best of Luck!

Answer 10

you can't. you'll be spending the rest of your life trying to make up for it. Pretty much all of my friends have been abused in some way...i'm like the only one that hasn't. You have to just let him be...let him come to you. If you push him to talk about it or "share" with you, he'll just get frustrated. Just watch him and let him know A. that you're here for him and B. how much you love him...tell him everyday! Other than that, ask him if he won't talk to you, would he talk to a professional? But yeah, just let him know you're there for him.