for years i thought my birth mom was some loser slut. but i resently learned she was offered to get an abortion. help! i cant cope and i am very confused (she was 18)!
2006-08-27 14:10:55 · 18 answers · asked by Anonymous in Pregnancy & Parenting ➔ Other - Pregnancy & Parenting
sometimes the best thing a parent can do for their child is to give them up for adoption. Have you learned anything else about her? Did you have a good life with the parents that adopted you? If you haven't already met her then don't be quick to make decisions on how you feel about her. Be thankful she gave you life, and hopefully you were given a wonderful life by the parents who adopted you
2006-08-27 14:17:42 · answer #1 · answered by ok 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
I am adopted too. I found her when I was 22( 10 years ago last march) years old. The same age as she was when she gave birth to me. I can tell you this. I AM SO MUCH BETTER OFF WITH OUT HER! She never wanted to be a mother. She wanted me dead from the moment she found out she was pregnant. I have talked to her on the phone once and she told me That she hated me,I ruined her life and nothing would make her happier than me being 6 feet under. An hour after she gave birth she left the hospital. I have always referred to her as "THE WHORE" she was 22 and should have known better. She is Roman Catholic and sex before marriage is a huge sin. ( The main reason I remained a virgin until I got married at the age of 28. I will never ever be like her) She was dumb and fell for " If you love me you will have sex with me." My birth father left her when she was pregnant. She tried to take drugs and drink to kill me! I am still here!
I know that you can be confused. Your best bet is to make sure that you are a much better woman than she ever was. I don't know how old your are but if you haven't had sex don't until you get married. And when you have kids love them as much as you can. Make your self a better person that she ever was or could be. She isn't worth your time. Birth Mothers are losers! They didn't have the strength to say one simple word! " NO!" I know I am a much better woman then that "whore" could ever be!
Stay strong girl!!
2006-08-28 01:11:30 · answer #2 · answered by LITTLE 1 :o) 6 · 0⤊ 0⤋
She did what sooooo many people cannot, she selflessly chose to carry you for 9 months and then give you to a family she thought could take better care of you and offer you more than she could. That has to be one of the most loving things I think anyone can do. You are so blessed, to start out with nothing but the best of intentions from your birth Mom and to be given a chance by your adoptive family for a happy life. Do not be confused, feel loved and fortunate. And forgive your birth Mom, she was young, and she was brave, and she did what she thought would be best for YOU. Read about all of the people who feel hopeless and have abortions, to her, you were too good for that. Be content. :)
2006-08-27 21:20:47 · answer #3 · answered by Smilingcheek 4 · 2⤊ 0⤋
Birth mothers get a bad rap, they are stereotyped in a bad way. What a huge decision she had to make and at only 18 years old. Thank God she gave birth to you and then she thought so much about you that she placed you in a family that she believed could offer you the world. What she did was full of love for you. It is not easy to place a child for adoption. You don't just walk away and forget about it. You carry it with you forever. It is OK to get to know her and I bet you find out she is a loving wonderful person who put YOU first.
2006-08-27 22:37:28 · answer #4 · answered by CK 2 · 2⤊ 0⤋
Yes I had to give up my daughter because I was young with no job,no place to stay, and no one to help or talk to.I felt, if I can't look after myself than how am I going to give this little girl a decent life?The only gift I could give her was handing her to the adoption agency and pray she gets a good home and family to bring her up giving her a good chance in life.Do I think of her?Practically every day.I wonder what she looks like,does she have children, married,how was her school years.The list goes on.
I know it must be hard and confusing at times but try not to dislike her too much.She gave you life and then probably didn't know what to do being so young.
I'm still hoping one day we will meet have some kind of relationship but most of all I want to tell her I didn't just dump her.
You don't have to call your birth mother "Mom" but I do hope you can come to some kind of peace of mind with all of this.All the best.
2006-08-27 21:32:06 · answer #5 · answered by tea cup 5 · 1⤊ 0⤋
My aunt gave her son up for adoption when she was 16. She did it because her life was all messed up, her boyfriend abandoned her, and she knew she wouldn't be able to take care of her son. She loved her son very much. A few years later she was married and she got pregnant. However, it was a tubal pregnancy and it caused her to have to have a hysterectomy. She was never able to have another baby. When her son grew up, he located her and was able to talk to her. Now he comes to some family functions although all of us understand that he does have a family that he loves.
My mom was 19 when she found out she was pregnant with me. She was offered an abortion as well and was told no one would ever even have to know she was pregnant. She decided not to do it. She ended up keeping me because my dad loved her very much and he married her. They ended up having me when mom was 20 and dad was 21. Their lives were very tough for a long time and mom had to quit school. I think mom might have given me up for adoption if dad had abandoned my mom. I have always been grateful that mom didn't abort me and have been against abortion ever since I knew what it was.
I hope you are able to cope and can sort through you confusion. I believe most people who give their kids up for adoption do so out of love. I am very happy your mom didn't abort you.
2006-08-27 21:31:53 · answer #6 · answered by Gwen 5 · 0⤊ 0⤋
we have two adopted boys and for the longest time we wondered what kind of mother she must have been to put them through what she did. But as time went on we came to realize that what she did must have been the hardest thing she ever did. To give them up, and hope that they were going to have a better chance than what she could offer them. We also realized that her decision gave us a chance to have a dream that we had long hoped for. Adoption is not second best so don't you dare feel less than, your not! Maybe you can't like her or her matter of how she handled her situation, but hopefully you can be thankful for the situation you ended up in and can thank her for giving you that.
2006-08-27 21:22:36 · answer #7 · answered by Skanky McSkankypants 6 · 1⤊ 0⤋
while people make mistakes God does not, i don't know what your mothers situation was but to carry you for nine months and then hand you over to be raised by someone else was probably one of the most difficult and painful things she has ever endured in her entire lifetime.
my daughter is going to be 18 this christmas...i still miss her, i still cry. when people ask how many children i have i tell them 3 though i've only got 2 in my home. i hope and pray that she does not hate me and that someday i will be able to see her again..her parents are'nt to cool with my contacting them and so i've pretty much dissapeared for some years but now that she is turning 18 i really want to contact her and at least let her know that i never quite loving her , thinking about her, and wanting to be near her. but i am so very afraid of rejection, what do you think? feel free to e-mail me if you'd like to talk
2006-08-27 21:30:01 · answer #8 · answered by chereeder 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
just because your birth mom gave you up for adoption, it does not mean that she is a bad person. if anything, she is a wonderful person for realizing that she could not properly take care of you and wanted to give the the opportunities that she probably never had. people make mistake. we are all human. what makes you a good or bad person are the choices you make after the mistake. hey, it could be worse. you could not be here at all.
2006-08-27 21:23:59 · answer #9 · answered by redpeach_mi 7 · 1⤊ 0⤋
maybe talk to her about it if you can. belive it or not hundreds of women go through this same situation your mom did all the time.
you shouldnt feel confused, rather, you should feel blessed that she chose life for you and didnt have you killed in the fetus. alot of young mothers are aproached with the choice.
just dont try to cope on your own. talk to a friend, talk to your mom, but above all, you should talk to God. he will listen better than anyone.
2006-08-27 22:03:43 · answer #10 · answered by Valiant Toasters 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋