Help my son won't listen to me!?

Question

My son is 3 and he always refuses to do things when I ask, and when he's naughty he goes on the naughty step, which then calms hims down and he rejoins in activities and he's ok for a while. But he refuses to drink much water or any other drink, I've tried everything, but I'm obviously not doing it right!

He see's his dad often and he listens to his dad all the time. I'm going thru a divorce, and he seems to have settled in where we are living now and he gets more attention now than ever cos my parents etc are with us all the time and he loves it! My ex and I have explained to him constantly that we won't be living together anymore etc.. and he's ok cos when my ex collects him he's really cool - but I think he uses this against me, and plays up deliberately!

My little one makes me feel like a mad woman. He only listens when I scream my head off! and he does things in his own stride, as and when he pleases! Any good advice?

Answer 1

You are quite right: he IS using this: and will go on using it so long as he SEES it is working! By showing you are effected by his `game' you are fuelling it further. Try becoming incredibly bored with the entire thing: sigh, yawn, play down any anger (even if you feel it) and act like nothing concerns you; leave water or other drinks that are healthy for him on the table, or where ever, and ensure he knows where it is, and then LEAVE IT ALONE. Do NOT try and coax him; and watch out of the corner of your eye: eventually when he is actually thirsty; he will drink!!! And stop worrying so much; divorce is hard on EVERYONE and you are included in that too; but realise it is even rougher on kids, they might try and act `blase' to put on a false face, but under that is instability and fear. Lots of cuddles, smiles, warmth, [get rid of any loud squabbles!!] and you will come thru this in one piece, and so will he!! Good luck with getting this sorted!!!

Answer 2

If a child is misbehaving there are a few useful techniqes.

1) Naughty corner.....short term fix but the kids will learn to push the boundary as they get older and the corner wont work.

2) Make child sit silently with you watching tv and he/she must not move for the rest of the day or speak unless spoken to. Then put on the most unappealing programme like bbc news 24 or a documentary on something.

3) Spank the child. The law entitles you to reasonably chastice the child if it misbeahves. Spamking will correct behaviour in youngsters if they know that i hurts that that crying will only lead to more spanking.

4) If spanking does not work probably oweing to child being older the final technique that always works is the BELT! Most parents are afraid to discipline children. I'm 22 and received the belt many times before i learned that its easier and a lot less painful to behave. The belt can also be a pyschological punishment by making the child fetch the belt. If he or she takes to long to fetch the belt that get an extra 5 lashings.

Answer 3

YOU have to get control of the situation and let him know you are the boss. You cannot leave this responsibility up to your ex alone, and do not make the poor child have more than one boss in your parents home. It is a difficult time for him, but the more you fall apart the more he can control you. It's a difficult time for you also, but you MUST be firm with him, so that he will grow up to respect you and the authority you have. Cut out the wimpy "bad step" stuff, tell him you will spank him and if he disobeys then spank him. One good swat on the behind is not abuse and will get his attention. (pare the rod and spoil the child). Don't worry about whether he drinks enough water or not, children drink when they get thirsty,

Answer 4

First, you said you and your husband are getting a divorce...If anyone thinks that just cause' a child is little that they don't get the negative feedback of that, that is wrong. You and your husband weren't lovey dovey I'm sure when you came to the decision to split up, were ya'll fighting a bit? I am sure even at 3 he knew that wasn't good in his little world. Children always get affected by divorce even if it is done in a mature way. You also said that you and your ex "constantly" explain that his mommy/daddy won't be living together any more....is that because he asks for his Daddy alot? This is a hard time for everyone I'm sure. There isn't a quick fix, to him asking for his father..I hope he is a participating parent and can see him alot...that its civil when you two see each other in front of your son. That is the best thing for your child! In reference to him not wanting to drink water? I buy this at walmart, in their drink mix section, Crystal light is too expensive but the walmart brand iced tea, tea w/peach, they have rasberry, etc. and it is Sugar Free!!! you can freeze it in ice cube trays, or those plastic freeze things w/the straw, walmart has them in the area where summertime picnic stuff is, or tupperware/rubbermaid might have them. Don't worry unless he starts to get dehydrated, he won't starve/not want to drink himself to death. Watch the sweets!!!

Answer 5

give him time... its a huge thing for such a little man to go through. your separation will have absolutely rocked his little world, and no amount of explaining can make it better. children cant express their feelings through words, so they use actions as its the only thing they know to do. he is probably feeling really insecure, and in his mind worrying that the same thing that has happened to you will happen to him... that you will leave him. he just needs so much love and praise for the good things he does to rebuild his confidence and reassure him that mummy will always be there.
also, he probably responds so well to his dad turning up because he thinks, and is hoping that daddy has come home and everything will be ok again.
just give him love and don't let yourself feel down because children can sense when something is really wrong with mum and he will react to the bad feelings he is getting, and worry even more.

Answer 6

And your question is??? My little 9 twelve months previous listens to Marylin Manson, Lil Wayne, green Day and all categories of music and that i do no longer do something approximately it. I in simple terms make advantageous that she downloads the sparkling version of each and every of the songs earlier she places them on her iPod. you purely sound like a Jesus Freak and mutually as I, too am Christian i've got not got self belief in controlling my infants such as you do. you will finally end up elevating a variety of infants it is so sheltered that he is going directly to explode the college or grow to be a mass murderer interior the destiny. enable your baby hear to what he needs and give up controlling him lots. in case you administration your infants and don't enable them to have any freedom then while they get far off from you they won't in any respect turn back. in the event that they do they are going to consistently resent you.

Answer 7

look at the love and logic method. It's immediate consequences (not the "if you do that again" trap that I fell into).

You are teaching him that manipulating you is not only effective, but fun due to the control it gives him. I am the unsuccessful mother of three teens.

He will not die of dehydration. If he doesn't want water, say fine,and immediately take it away.

Acknowlege his feelings as legitimate, but ignore his actions that are targeted at setting you off.

Even at his tender age, he is learning to take advantage of any guilt you might feel, and he is learning that you are a source for venting his frustrations (dad just doesn't have the fun "buttons" to push that mom has).

You will not be a bad mother for acting non-chalant.

Good luck, you have your hands full in many ways.

Answer 8

cool down mom. hes only 3 i have a 4 and 5 year old, Your son is testing you, to see what he can get away with. Hes just a little boy that had his whole world ripped apart. Divorce is hard and little kids dont understand. You cant yell at him. you ned to read more books to him, listen to him, play with him and love him. He really needs you right know. I suguest going to a family theripst to. or a child psycholigst for more advice. good luck.

Answer 9

Time is the only thing that worked for me when I was going through exactly the same thing.
As the resident parent, familiarity creeps in. As time passes and you remain constant he will learn to apreciate it.
My son is still a problem but it is easier now three years since the separation and two years since we moved away. He is now 5.

Answer 10

Firstly you probably arent doing anything wrong. Please try not to scream at him as this really wont work, it will just encourage his bad behaviour because he knows it is getting to you. It is very confusing for small children when parents split up because they are not sure why, and often blame themselves, and that is what causes them to misbehave, they often think that if they are good for daddy then daddy will come back to live at home. It will get better I promise you, you just have to both give him loads of love and security and once he gets used to the idea and knows that you both still love him, it will all be fine.