What happens when you don't like your engagement ring?

Question

I have no idea what to do. And I actually feel bad asking this question. But my BF and I had a huge fight, I left went to the shore and came back. He was balling and said he didn't want to loose me and pulled out a bridal set. I didn't take it because we are still arguing. I know we'll get through it but there is one problem I hate yellow gold. Everything else is perfect the size and style. I know its remedial but is this something I should live with or should I tell him. We had talked about marriage before he has always wanted to and I didn't but I had no idea he had gotten the ring already.

Answer 1

I think you are transferring your feelings about the ring from something else. The fact that you don't like yellow gold is just an easy excuse because you don't want to marry him. After all, everything else about the ring is perfect, so what is the real issue here?

Look at how the two of you were so emotional over it - you walked away to be by yourself (instead of talking it over with him) while he was bawling. I don't think the two of you will see eye-to-eye about this. I think he is very insecure and afraid of losing you - so getting the ring and trying to give you the bridal set is a way of trying to keep you from leaving him (ie. buying your love). Also, walking away from discussing something important is not something that two people should do in a relationship - they need to communicate to resolve issues, to understand each other better. I don't know if the two of you do this on a constant basis, but if you do, then your relationship is already doomed, marriage or not.

Bottom line: I think you don't want to marry him because deep down, YOU KNOW THAT HE IS NOT THE ONE. Maybe there is some co-dependency (and not just him being dependent on you - that is obvious) here because even though you know deep down your true feelings, you are still in the relationship. You have to ask yourself what are you getting out of this relationship and how do you truly feel about him? It might be hard for you to understand what is going on because you are in the middle of it right now. Maybe what you need is a cooling off period, like spending some time apart so you can think objectively and reassess everything.

Answer 2

Did you know that "white gold" is really yellow gold plated with another metal? My ring is white gold and after a while the plating wore off and the yellow appeared. If its that big of a deal just tell your fiancee you love the ring but ask him if he would mind if you had it replated for white gold. Any jeweler will be able to do it and its much cheaper than getting a new ring. If its perfect except for the color just have them make it white gold.

The bigger issue it sounds like is whether or not to accept the ring at all. Think long and hard about it. Sure you can get through one issue but can you live the rest of your life with him Happily the way he is now if nothing ever changes? When you marry someone you should love them and accept them for all of their flaws so if there is even one thing you would HAVE to change about him before you make that decision then he is not the one for you. Good luck.

Answer 3

WOW! I am with you. I hate yellow gold too. I would try this:

"Would you mind terribly or be offended if we could see if this exact set came in white gold instead of yellow gold?"
Good luck and let me know what happens.

Don't feel bad. You prefer what you prefer and there is nothing wrong with what your preferences are.

Don't let ANYONE else tell you you are ungrateful or should be thankful that he even gave you a ring. You have to wear this ring for the rest of your life and you should be happy with what is on your finger.
There is a way to tell him without hurting his feelings.

Answer 4

Ask him if the two of you can go find a set you can agree on and sell the current set. Tell him that you want something that is as special as your love. This is a life long commintment and the ring is very important to you. Remember to be very gentle and polite.if you are rude to him then you are not showing your love to him well just your rage instead.
Plus a ring and the wedding is not worth getting upset about if you are that full of love for each other.

Answer 5

I don't know. I opened this question ready to tell you that you must suck it up adn get used to the ring. I didn't like mine at first but have grown to love it b/c HE picked it out for me. But I just didn't liek the cut adn wanted a solitare instead of a bunch of diamonds...but if the he had a gotten me a yellow gold ring...wel...that is a whole differnt ball game!! HAHA! I think you shoudl shoudl tell him how much you *LOVE* the stones adn the setting,etc and GENTLY ask if he woudl mind if you could switch the band with a white gold one instead. Explain that it is so the rest of your jewelry will match it. Good luck with that one!!

Answer 6

Tell him you'd love to marry him, but ask if you can exchange the set for one in white gold. He'll want you to be happy.

This is the type of thing that will eat away at you until you reach a breaking point. Ideally this will be a set you wear everyday for the rest of your life, if you hate it now... You'll hate it worse in a year. It'll be a sore spot until you scream it out in some argument and really hurt him.

Answer 7

I know you may like white gold better, but he spent a lot of time picking out the ring. If you are happily engaged (and worked out all of your problems), wear the ring until you get married. Then after you are happily married for at least a year if it hasn't grown on you see if you can get it reset.

Good Luck!

Answer 8

Get real/

live with it/

is the damn ring the most important thing///

in the next ten years, you'll receive probably at least 5 more
super important rings from him, so why is this such a big
deal? do you want to care and share till you die, or not?

my wife loves other rings i've gotten her just as much, if not
more, than her wedding ring, and the engagement ring is her
mother's 25 yr anniversary ring cuz she had already passed
away, so what is really important?

Answer 9

Babe when you are talking and 'making up' with your boyfriend, you need to make this a good time to bring up the colour of your ring. (Also, in case you didn't know, ask for white gold, not sterling silver).

If you accept and wear the ring, the longer you wait, the harder it'll be to talk about it later.

All the best!

Answer 10

You can always get platinum on your 5th anniversary or something. Personally, if I loved the man and wanted to marry him, he could give me a ring out of a gumball machine and I wouldn't care. It's not about the ring, it's about the meaning behind it....but I'm sure you know that.