i need some help in communicating with my 14 year old daughter can any body give some advice?

Question

we have had a rough year her dad was verry abusive against all of us . he nolonger lives her and he is in a home because he cant take care of him self.

Answer 1

In all honesty the only way you can communicate with her is to lock her away until she is 20. The six years in between are very difficult. They will drive you mad.

She needs to know that you will love her no matter what. She needs to know that you will always be there for her. Make sure you say it often. Tell her you love her each day, even if she acts like she doesn't want to hear it.

Don't be judgmental over things she does or friends she has. Let her chose her own style, as long as it fits the school dress code. Offer to help her shop, but she probably won't want you around much at this age.

Set fair rules and enforce them consistently. Give her responsibilities around the house. Don't just hand out money. It will not teacher her about hard work.

Let her know that both of you are in this together and you can both make a great family.

Answer 2

It sounds like you all have had a rough time this year. It is very sad about her Dad being in a home. I think that you all might need some counseling teenagers tend to not want to show their emotions to their parents so she might angry and not showing it. You are going to have to be extra patient with her and remember that you are angry and upset too. Yeah, professional counseling is definitely the right answer.

Answer 3

The best thing is just to ask questions and listen. If you ask her questions that allows her to think and truely respond in a sincere way then you will see that just asking questions to your kids are an amazing way to find out there opinions, the thing is we know this. But we all try to be great parents and end up becoming too controlling or too protective or too sheltering and thats when something bad is more likely to occur. One thing I learned from having a mother and father split was dont rip on her father in front of her. She has her own opinions of her father and as she grows older she will find a way to voice it but dont throw words into her mouth about her father even if its tough. Ask her a few questions about him as well though and ask her first if she wants to talk about it. More than likely she will allow it to happen if you catch her at a good time. Find out whats going on at school, who is she dating, what does she like. ASK QUESTIONS, the best tool for any parent. thats something that didnt happen in my family much and I hated it

Answer 4

I really dont know what to write I am 22 yr old , and my family has gone thru some really testing times although thank fully the realtion between my parents was great, but I kind of didnt like my dad , our relation got better when I came to understand that life is very complex and at times even the best of people make mistakes, we cant judge people on thier actions, so although my dad wasted a lot of money for his own career ideas , my sister became an addict because of my parents attitude our and family spiralled into a financial crisis but I realised that he is still my dad and if my mom is ok with him then no one in damn world can have problems with that. my mom was very loving but she couldnt stand it if we would disrespect our dad, she might coax us at that time but after a while she cajole us and make us understand that life is very tough and who knows what happens, we were lucky that infact things changed for the better she supported our whole family I went to college , my sister got a job left drugs for good dumped her boyfriend for a good life and is now a floor supervisor, my dad to got a job. to me it all looked uncertain but it was my moms resilence that made us bond together and dad realise that probably we might be stupid enough to disrespect him becuase of his actions but its my mom who really matters, after kind of seeing that our mom accepts it we too kind of became ok with it , my dad too had to get over his ego a bit as my mom made him realise that we are young and our minds are very impressionable , she was the lynch pin , I must admit that she has kind of spent 5 yrs in hell working in another city trying to support our family , but she was the religious kinds and this has made her , I think that your daughter becuase of this situation might try to find love and affection outside the family, dont let that happen she might end up with the wrong guys and the wrong stuff, make sure that you love her and insist that your husband admit that they are his children and he too cant run away from reality. I know taht its kind of tough but there is just one tip dont give up if you do that then everyone else would, coz your importance in the eyes of kids would sky rocket.

All the best , hope that your family bonds together
Take care.

Answer 5

She probably is having trouble with the fact her dad is gone...even if he was abusive.....just give her time...make sure she knows that you AND her dad love her and that he has some problems that have nothing to do with her. Listen when she talks to you....really listen...don't judge her. Let her have her own space to think about what is going on. The most important thing is to be there for her and make sure she knows it is not her fault and that you love her. Good luck.

Answer 6

Alright...

... hard to give advice when I don't know the area you're having difficulties communicating it.

Find out some things she likes. Talk to her about some things you like. Share interests, you know? That way you can know eachother better. Maybe take her out on a trip to the mall so she can buy some things? Get her something she really wants?

Answer 7

The two of you can go to counseling together, through the church or womens center. I am sure there are a lot of wounds that need mending...good luck

Answer 8

Sounds like she may need to counseling herslef maybe you could try that first and see how that goes.