Why do guys do this? Is this common?

Question

I met someone whilst traveling.We met just before I moved to another city, but didnt like it so came back to the city where I met him.
We talked about not wanting to get to serious since neither of us really knows what we'll be doing in the long term.
I was really happy with ths, but for the past couple of days his behaviour has really changed- he's being kind of cold and distant.
I really like him, but am not willing to hang around and feel like I'm completely wasting my time, but I dont want to jump the gun and break up with him...
Anyone have any insight into this??

Should prob clarify- Dont want to get too "WE ARE GOING OUT WITH EACHOTHER", but at the same time, whats the point in trying to have fun and spend time with each other if one person isnt into it? Dont really want to wastre my time with someone who isnt into me.

Answer 1

When guys start acting cold and distant like that it is usually because they are trying to end it with you. This may not be the case but it usually is. You need to have a heart to heart with him and find out what is going on. Tell him that you really enjoy the relationship the two of you have and that you understand that there are no strings attached.
Maybe he feels you are getting too attached or possessive so if you let him know that isn't the case maybe you will ease his mind and then you can get back to how things were. Just be upfront with him and yourself.

You had said you didn't want anything serious but now you are worried that you are wasting your time, you can't waste your time on someone if you aren't looking for anything to begin with. So maybe he picked up on this and you didn't even realize it.

Answer 2

I was just in a similar situation, and I just told the guy how I felt. He got mad at first and told me I was just being paranoid, so I got cold and distant like he had been. After just one day of that, he came running to apologize and to explain that it was his own insecurities that made him pull away. Maybe give this guy the cold shoulder and see how he likes it. If he doesn't come running, then you can either ask him why he is being distant or you can just move on. Whatever you feel most comfortable with. I hope it works out because it is so painful to lose a good friend.

Answer 3

I say just wait. If things are still going this way they talk to him. What' sthe worst that could happen? Maybe there is something else going on with his family or something and he just happens to be taking it out on you. Just wait a few more days and then just ask him what's up. The worst that could happen is u break up but u said u don't know each other to well so what's the big loss? I mean do u really want someone cold and distant?

Answer 4

Unfortunately, there is no answer to your question, as such, as you don't know enough details about his life / personality to give you an answer about him and HIS behaviour. But, I do understand your feelings and get the picture.

Some years back, i was in the States with a female friend (she is gay, so there was no question of a sexual / emotional 'thing' between us in that way). But, we shared some aspects of an emotional connection - or so l thought.

One day we were driving through the countryside and she told me of a particular emotional 'mechanism' ('game'!) she had: it went something like this.....

She would find herself in a situation with someone where she would reveal something of herself to this person that was of particularly personal. Later, maybe the next day, she'd find herself deeply resenting that person knowing this 'thing' about herself, and behaved coldly towards him / her.

Within a few days, she behaved towards me 'coldly,' as if the things we had shared / experienced together had not happened. She actually 'denied them,' in a letter to me.

Although things seem to have been resolved between us, l lost contact with her ...which saddened me greatly.

(Mandy (late of Oxford) and now in Texas (! still!), if you should read this, I'd love you to get in touch with MB. )

I hope this helps you.
Sash.

Answer 5

Who knows what he could be thinking? Just give him some space. Tell him you need to work on a project for a few days and will be out of contact with him. Then find something to occupy your time so you aren't' tempted to call.

After 3-5 days call and tell him you are done and would like to get together. If his behavior isn't any better it may be time to move on.

Answer 6

are u falling for him or smth? cos if i were in your situation and a guy who was just my buddy turned cold or smth and i weren't falling for him i wouldn't even be bothered thinking why is he doing it and how does he feel towards me. i used to have a lot of male friends - only going out with partners, nothing cheaky. if u ask me were they cold and distant i won't be able to answer that - i don't care. i need to go out, i need a partner for it, he doesn't want to go out tonight - i call someone else. what's the problem? but if u re falling for him and are searching signs whether he is interested in u i should point out that he doesn't seem to be that much interested. sorry

Answer 7

Some guys have big egos. I bet he thinks you came back just for lil ol him, and now he's freezing you out rather than have that conversation with you. Do the stuff you came back to the city for, and back off a bit. If he doesn't contact you. His loss. Enjoy your trip.

Answer 8

sounds like he jumped to fast before thinking and he's taking time now to reflect on if this is really what he wants. i would say dont waste your time. life is too short. always remember never to make someone a priority that makes you an option

Answer 9

Talking about not getting too serious is pretty much like saying, "I like you as a friend". If you are guilty of having made him feel as if you don't wanna be anything more than friends, then how did you expect him to act?

Answer 10

Perhaps he likes you , but not ready for a steady relationship with you. So if you feel you can handle just casual dating with him and not be to serious, I would advice that is how you should handle this. And maybe keep your date book open for someone else.